STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

It definately depends on how serious you were, how long you were together, how you broke up and how much time has passed.

I am still friends with my first BF in high school. We were together for 3 years and I dumped him my senior year to go out and have fun. We didn't speak for probably 2 years and now we are really close. Both of us had enough time to move on and I am married and he is in a serious relationship.

I think it can work but all factors have be working in your favor.

I have been able to do this with only two guys - one, we were "together" for about five months, but we were still very close afterwards (though not sexually) up until I met my husband. We've been friends for ten years now.

With the other, we were friends first (for years) before anything happened. And it only happened twice. And though he let me know he'd be open to more than just friends, I was never up for that. So we went back to being friends, and that's been about ten years now too.

I, too, have never been able to be friends with a true boyfriend (like steady dating for a year or more) because there's usually too much water under the bridge in those relationships - like you said, fairywings, they know everything, and you know them so intimately. Even when I've tried, sometimes the guy was the one to say he couldn't deal with knowing that I'd move on.

I think it's because I'm very intense in relationships, and the men I date(d) were also very intense, and so we just couldn't get past the breakup to something friendlier. It's kind of all or nothing for me, in most instances. I'm always in awe of women who can manage it though - I wasn't able to except with those last two I mentioned, which were when I was in my late twenties. Maybe the early twenties and teen years are just more emotional in general (I know they were for me) and none of us could handle it when we were younger.

I can't do it and wouldn't want to with ANY of my exes, whether I broke their heart or they broke mine.  I don't want my husband to be friends with any exes either.   But I guess it depends on what happened in the relationship...like in the rare case that a break up is mutual or started as a friendship.  I do have one sort-of ex from a brief relationship, 7 years ago, with a guy that is in my same circle of longtime friends, so my husband and I see him at get-togethers about twice a year or more.  It is a little awkward, but my husband isn't jealous about it, has full disclosure about all the details because I am an open book, and it is only easy for ME because it wasn't a serious relationship to begin with, I basically am the one who ended it, and the guy was already in my circle of friends for years before we even became briefly involved.  BUT there is still a .... feeling there.... can't say for certain if it is one-sided or what, but it's not like I correspond with him the way I do others in this group of pals, it's different when you have had intimacy in the past.

In general, being close friends with an ex only hinders chances of bonding with someone new.  I am married of course, but I wouldn't date a guy who had a "best friend" who was also someone he had been intimate with.

I can't really do it all that well, either.  I went out for dinner with Stupid the other day and it was so hard.  I know that I don't want to be with him. I know that he's an asshole.  I know that he has the emotional maturity of a 10th grade boy.  But it still hurt.  I still felt that wave of nostalgia while we were at dinner.  And I was sad when I left, but I also started to feel anger at him (like I had for so long) and I just don't want to feel like that anymore. 

Of course, it doesn't help that he's retaliating by having a revolving door of women at his house now that we aren't together. If it breathes and looks in his direction, he'll pounce on it just to make himself feel better.  He said that if I'm dating other people, he doesn't want to be left behind.  So he finds whatever he can.  So attractive, right?

Ugh, so in a nutshell, I don't think that, as a rule, most exes can be friends. But of course, rules have exceptions and I won't say that it's impossible.

i think it depends on so many things.  i completely agree with this statement by lorelei: In general, being close friends with an ex only hinders chances of bonding with someone new.  I am married of course, but I wouldn't date a guy who had a "best friend" who was also someone he had been intimate with. 

i know too many people that don't move on because they're always with the person that they never got over/never will get over.  so i think being friends has to happen after both have moved on.  sometimes that never happens, and sometimes, the person is an ass or you've grown so far apart that theres no point. 

relationships dissolve for all kinds of reasons- not every single reason means you can't get on as friends.  sometimes love can even be found again.  everywhere in the world, people are "just friends" with the person they are painfully, secretly in love with.  its kind of sweet- and sometimes thats what love is.  loving someone and not expecting anything in return.

i will say though that when one person is dumped and still in love and the other person wants to be friends- it is often too hard to be friends at first.  the one that has been dumped has to decide whats best and usually that is not being friends.  i've been on both ends- so i know how it goes both ways.

I think it definitely depends on the people involved, the relationship, and the breakup.  The two people I dated more seriously before I met my husband I just can't be friends with.  One is too painful for me because he was a total ass and I just don't really respect him as a person.  The other one was one I broke up with and I always felt like he was trying to win me back and now whenever he IMs me I feel like it's because he's trying to prove to me what a great person he is.  So, we're not friends either.

Other guys that I casually dated I've found I have no problem being friends with.  I think in those relationships both parties understood that the relationship was just for fun and not meant for the long term, so the breakups weren't bad.  I doubt I could ever be great bestest friends with any of them, because they're not terribly mature, but I can still be friends with them.

Also, I don't think it has to do with the level of physical intimacy at all--I think it 100% has to do with the emotional intimacy that happened during the relationship.

Time really does heal all wounds, but you need time.

Didn't you guys just break up a few weeks ago, and wasn't it his choice? Tell him if he calls to talk that you can't, that you are busy.

Give yourself some space and just be good to yourself. You are not obligated to be his friend, the relationship ended on the terms it existed before.

In time you may feel differently, but honestly I went to an event with my husband where 2 of my ex's were there. I still had a tug on the old heartstrings even though I ended both relationships. I was fine with them though, we all chatted and had a great time and caught up on each other, but it was a long time in coming. Like 18 years!

If this has only been a few weeks, just don't even try to be friends right now, its not worth the suffering you will put yourself through.

oh, it is so hard to be friends with an ex. i think its very possible to be friends with people you have casually dated, but sooooo hard with someone you loved. i'm finally friends with my ex (also my first love) but it took a long time. over a year i believe. it also helped that i have a great, wonderful bf now!