STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

bluediamond · Dooney & Bourke

help! I need advice for my friend...

Hermione · Kate Spade

Well, I don't know how/ why the breakup happened, but that email seems harmless enough, esp since he offered to drop them off for her

i think she should just let him know that she thinks it's best they not see eachother right now (i'm assuming this is the case, since she's wondering if she should even respond to the email)

and that if he would like for her to have the gifts, it would be great if he could drop them off at her work or at some other innocuous location like a mutual friend's house

Metric · Gucci

Can you clarify a few things?

-she initiated the break up? Have they talked since? are they on good terms?

-does she want the gifts? does she feel obligated to get him something? will accepting the gifts make it seem there is still a chance for them? Is there a chance for them?

bluediamond · Dooney & Bourke

She broke up with him. it wasnt anything nasty. They are on so so terms, although she would like to avoid talking to him where he continutes to make efforts to see her. (this xmas gift thing being the latest)

She will reply to some emails, calls, etc. but she makes them short and sweet.

She doesnt want the gifts but doesnt want ot come across as rude....she didnt get him anything.

Gosh, what else!? Sorry this is so choppy!!

Hermes

I agree with dropping them off at a neutral location - they don't need to be physically handed to her.

Metric · Gucci

In that case I may have to be brutually honest with him(although I am always the mean one in a break up) and just be like...

Sorry, exboyfriend, but I don't really think it would be appropriate for me to accept your gifts. Please feel free to return or exchange them if possible.

Or since she doesn't want to be rude, get him to drop them off with a mutual friend so she doesn't have to see him.

Maddie · Coach

If I were her I'd try to be really nice and honest. I personally would be really uncomfortable accepting gifts under those circumstances. I think I'd say something like, "That's very sweet of you to get me Christmas presents, but I really wouldn't feel comfortable accepting them. Happy New Year!"
Personally I'd feel a lot worse about him putting thought into getting me something and spending money on it than I would about just telling him how I felt about it. Especially over e-mail it shouldn't be too awkward. In the long run it's probably better for both of them if she's clear about where their relationship stands.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

umm...i think this is a ploy to get her back. i may be wrong but they broke up last month so that would put the break-up in early december. so if he'd already bought her presents he would've either returned them or given them to her back then, if the presents are from his family, it's still the same thing. i don't think she can accept the gifts without giving him hope that maybe they're not over. my first instinct is to ignore the email completely. i know, i know, seemingly heartless but he'll definitely get the message they're over after that.

then i read maddie's post and i agree with her kinder, gentler approach. not just because it's kinder and gentler but also because if your friend has been responding sporadically in a short but sweet way to his other attempts at communication, maddie's option sounds more in keeping with the way your friend's been handling things so far.

tell her good luck for us!

lsubatgirl · Gucci

I agree with esquiress. I think its a ploy and if she's not interested in ever getting back with him or doesn't want to lead him on she should either say no thanks I can't accept them or just ignore the calls, emails, etc. Unfortunately responding to emails and calls right now is leading him on and it will continue to happen and there is no other way to end it all than to stop talking and responding. Yes its rude but honestly there is no other way to do it. She sounds like she's been trying to be nice in the situation and cordial but its not working. I went through the same thing in September and it never stopped until I quit picking up the phone and responding to the emails.

lynnie · Chanel

hmm, i might be the voice of dissent, but whatever the intentions of the gift, i'd take them from him. I've given my bf (or ex?) presents when we've been broken up- i still care for him. Maybe if it was NEXT christmas it would be odd, but she should just accept them graciously and let that be that. Unless he's an annoying freak. then just ignore. but if she respects him and still cares for him, she should just take the presents. i dont think its a big deal that she didnt get him anything.

NCshopper · Hermes

Yeah, I don't think she should accept the gifts. I think they're a guilt trip to try to win her back, especially since she just broke up with him. I think they're probably something nice so he can be like "hey, look what you're missing by not being with me? See how much I'd take care of you if we were back together?" or something like that.

I'd suggest something along the lines of "Thank you for thinking of me. I think it's best that we make this a clean break, and so I feel that it wouldn't be right for me to accept the gifts. I would be honored if you would donate the gifts to a charity so they could go to a very appreciative recipient."

Or something along those lines.