STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Wow, that really really really sucks.  I'm not familiar with FMLA leave rules, but you'd think they'd be required to follow through with that for you since you would be so close to taking it anyway .... ?

okay i feel like such a cliche but i think you should consult an attorney.  you might be the victim of pregnancy discrimination.  obviously i don't have all the facts and lay-offs are trickier than straight terminations but still, it can't hurt to consult with someone.

I only get one week for every year that I have been there which is 7.  They were kind enough to give us our year end bonus, which is 10% of my salary and enough money to cover 3 mos. of COBRA.  I also just found out that I will get paid for any unused vacation days, which right now is about 9.

Mikacat - I worked in a really great department with really great people.  They were going to let me take my 6 weeks and then let me work from home until June or so and just come in 1 day a week.

I emailed HR yesterday and asked about my maternity leave and if there is anyway they could include my maternity in my severance.  A really, really long shot but in order to ease my mind I had to at least ask.  My husband and I have contemplated having a lawyer look over the whole package and my situation to see what his advice is, but at the same time I think that could burn some bridges.

I'm trying to look at this whole situation as a blessing in disguise and maybe this is just what I needed to give me a push to really figure out what I want to do.  Having a baby though just makes it really scary.  I feel like I have no control over the situation and can't really do anything about finding a job right now.  I'm not sure how a potential employer would feel if I come in for an interview with a big belly and I don't think that's really something that I can explain in a cover letter, you know? 

I'm just dreading going into work on Monday and facing everybody, I feel like such a loser.  What's worse is that on Tuesday I have a meeting with our department VP to go over my job (I update hotel directories and am right in the middle of one) and explain to her how to finish the directory.  It's like such a slap in the face, I can't even explain.  I'm kind of over the shock of the whole thing, but now I'm in the depressed mode and I need to snap out of it.  I hate being all weepy over something I have no control over. 

-- Edited by wildflower930 at 17:34, 2005-12-03

What you said about burning bridges by consulting a lawyer really struck me. I know you got along well with the people you worked with. But they will understand that you have to take care of yourself. This is a business relationship. They had to lay you off, it wasn't personal. And you consulting a lawyer would not be personal either.

In this context, feeling like a loser doesn't make any sense either. And believe me, I know it's everyone's first reaction. It sure was mine! But really, it was just the situation you found yourself in. It had nothing to do with you.

Also, it's tempting to anticipate everyone else's point of view here: coworkers will judge you, potential employers will not want to hire you, and so on. That's just somethign people do to feel like they have more control over the situation.

The truth is, though, that this is just a business relationship. People will think what they're going to think. And what matters most right now is what you think and what you need to do to take care of yourself. Since this was such a shock to you, and you would have known if you were slacking off, I feel confident that you handled yourself well. So this is a shock, and a temporary setback, but you know the truth. You know how you conducted yourself. And you know how you want to direct this situation. So right now is the time to forget everyone else and what they might think and concentrate on you.

This is a really long way to say I understand why you want everyone to like you right now, because you're feeling vulnerable and you hope they understand that this wasn't your fault. They do. You don't have to worry about that. You have no reason to be embarrassed or anything like that at all. And you have a responsibility to yourself to take care of yourself.

I hope this comes off the right way. I've lost jobs, my friends have lost jobs, my stepdad was laid off four times. I know how disorienting and upsetting it all is. Every single one of them came out ok, though. You will too. Right now is the time to think about you, no one else. You can do that.

And I think Esquiress is right about the lawyer. Even if there isn't enough there to sue, it makes a difference in negotiations if they know you're not going to be pushed around. Companies try to say "Oh, we'll treat you fine as long as it's just us - you know us - but if you get a lawyer we're goign to dig in and it will be your fault." That is such bull. I once worked for a guy who sexually harassed six women. The only one who kept her job was the one who went to HR and said, "My dad is a lawyer and he told me to tell you that he will kick your ass. So I don't want to hear about this again." She didn't. And she got great references when she left a couple years later, too.

I don't know anything about people being laid off really but I have to say, one week's pay for every year you've been there sounds ridiculous. You've been there 7 years and all you get when you're laid off is 7 weeks pay? Outrageous. I'd consult a lawyer and pronto. Screw burning bridges. If you have to, burn them. You have to think about you, not what people think about you. There will always be someone there who is willing to give you a good reference.

And companies wonder where company loyalty went? Look around. When you show me employee loyalty, I'll show you company loyalty.

I'm really steamed for you wildflower!

I think you are in the best situation possible (given the circumstances of course) by staying in the same company.  They were already prepared to give you your leave once, so they would be no worse for the wear by moving you into another position.

As for the interview - I'd say don't try to hide/avoid it, but don't offer too much information either.  I think that the law actually prevents them from asking very much at all about someone's pregnancy*.  Hiding/avoiding it could work against you because they might be afraid of the unknown (your plans for after the baby) and of getting the shaft.  If you give too much information (your plans for after the baby, working part/full time, etc) they might be scared off by the reality of the time/flexibility you'll require of them. 

Maybe mentioning that should they hire you into that position, your plans for maternity leave and returning to work would remain unchanged.  Maybe ease their minds a bit, thinking since they made peace with it once then it must be okay?

* I have a friend that is nearing her due date.  No one in her office ever asked about her pregnancy at all, which she liked at first but started to make her feel bad.  She mentioned that her baby was kicking alot when she was casually chatting with her boss, who then asked how she was feeling and said she had been itching to ask.  Her boss told her that they aren't allowed (by HR or the law, I'm not sure) to ask any question at all that might be related to the pregnancy! 

Good luck wildflower!  Hope everything turns out for you .