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Gucci

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friendship...the on-going saga
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 I mentioned a few weeks ago that my friend is getting divorced and has moved back to town after being away for 7 years. I know she's going through a really hard time right now and I feel bad for her but she's starting to drive me a bit crazy. She wants me to always be around but doesn't realize how busy my life is right now and no matter how much I tell her she doesn't get it. And since Christmas is approaching my life is only going to get crazier in the next couple of weeks.


 The last 3 times she has called me I have been at school and even though I call her back when I get home she finds it "annoying" that she has to wait to talk to me until after 9 pm. She doesn't work (she's a stay at home mom) so she doesn't get it that I don't have alot of spare time during the day to chat at work. Also she is frustrated with me that I have to make time for my other friends also. She doesn't seem to realize that I didn't spend the past 7 years sitting at home waiting for her to move back, I have made other friends. Its really hard for me to invited her out b/c she doesn't want to do the kind of things my usual friends like to (ie go to pubs, go to exotic restaurants).


She asked when we could get togeather and I have a really busy week coming up so I ran it out for her:


Friday work and my staff Xmas party


sat: work and dinner with friends


Sun: baby shower


Mon & Weds: work and school


Tuesday & thursday: work


Friday: work and bf staff xmas party


Sat: Xmas party @ bff parents (annual tradition)


Sun: work and so on and so forth


...needless to say she was pissed. She said "well I don't have anything going on so I guess its up to you to decide when you have time for me!" and then said goodbye and hung up. I wasn't trying to rub it in her face, I wanted her to know I wasn't just blowing her off- I have alot going on. It's important to me to preserve our friendship- we have been friends since age 12- but I will not feel guilty for having a life. Any ideas on how I should deal with her?



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Marc Jacobs

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I've been in your friend's shoes. She's just being really needy right now. She'll probably undestand that later. And hearing "I dont' have time for you" is always hard, even if it's true. If I were you, I would just avoid fighting with her because she can't be rational right now. Just let her know you'll be there for her when you can, if you want.

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Hermes

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I would just let her know that she's a priority in your life, but that with the holidays coming up, you're going to be busy, but that you'll do your best to see her as much as possible. 


This may sound horrible, but you might want to invite her to a few things that you know she won't go to, so at least she feels like you're thinking about her.  And invite her out to someone like a Christmas party or something so she'll get the opportunity to meet some other people and have to depend on you less.


I think she's probably in a difficult situation.  It sounds like you might be her only friend in the area, and until she gets some more friends, she's going to look to you to entertain her.  Also, going through a divorce, right as the holidays are upon us, must be horrible.  I can't imagine it.  If you call her out of the blue every now and then just to check up on her she might feel better.  Or see if you can take her out Christmas shopping with you, or just grab coffee with her.  Maintaining a friendship doesn't mean having to go to extraordinary lengths for a person, so I think just hanging out with her and calling when you can would probably mean a great deal to her.



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Coach

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don't take it personally, she just wishes you weren't so busy right now so that she could hang out with you.  maybe tell her that you don't want to squeeze her in between those other things because when you hang out you want to have some good quality time set aside and not be pressured to cut your time short.  Meanwhile, be sensitive to her about the length of time it takes you to return her calls.

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