STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

blubirde · Chanel

Help! My friend is mad at me.

NCshopper · Hermes

I would just call her up and apologize. I wouldn't bother asking her if she's mad at you, because it sounds like she is and she'll probably just deny it. You could say something along the lines of "I'm really sorry about what I said last night. I was kind of upset because I really wanted to see the movie and felt distracted by you guys during the whole movie. But I know what I said wasn't appropriate and I'm sorry." Or something along those lines. Even if you just leave her a voicemail (because if she's not answering your e-mail, she probably isn't going to answer a phone call right now) then at least you've done your part and then the ball is in her court.

Hermes

blow it off and go on like nothing happened. if she continues to have an attitude at her b-day party, call her on it. I don't think you were unreasonable with what you said or how you approached it.

my mother does this too me. she won't speak to me if I call her on something that bothers me... oh the drama...

Maddie · Coach

I think what you said is totally appropriate and she's completely overreacting. If she's going to deny that she's mad at you, I would just ignore it and let it blow over. It might be awkward initially when you celebrate her birthday, but you'll probably be drinking so it'll be ok. This is just so not a big deal I feel like it's totally not worth apologizing for, especially because it sounds to me like you were in the right.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Ooh, I hate when they won't admit they're mad! Good luck..

member · Hermes

I agree w/Maddie - I don't think you were wrong at all for what you said and I think your friend is really overreacting to get mad at something so dumb. I'm assuming she's a good friend of yours though, so if it were me, to save yourself a headache, I'd probably just suck it up and apologize before her bday party - you really shouldn't have to, but sometimes it's just easier. Just say something like "hey, sorry if I was bitchy after the movie the other night, it's just that I was really into it since it's my fav. book etc, but I'm sorry if I offended you..let's move on."

poptart · Coach

I can't believe I'm saying this, b/c it's totally uncharacteristic for me, but events lately have convinced me that sometimes it's just easier to apologize. Assuming she doesn't make a habit out of it, I would just call her up, apologize, and let it go.

Sorry that happened, though. How freakin annoying!

And ... (hijack ahead) how was P&P? Was mealy-mouthed Keira Knightley at all bearable?

Tati · Chanel

Lisa wrote:

I can't believe I'm saying this, b/c it's totally uncharacteristic for me, but events lately have convinced me that sometimes it's just easier to apologize. Assuming she doesn't make a habit out of it, I would just call her up, apologize, and let it go.

yup, i agree with Lisa. this is totally not my character either but if you really want to be cool with her again let it go and apologize even though she was the immature one in this.

blubirde · Chanel

Lisa wrote:

I can't believe I'm saying this, b/c it's totally uncharacteristic for me, but events lately have convinced me that sometimes it's just easier to apologize. Assuming she doesn't make a habit out of it, I would just call her up, apologize, and let it go. Sorry that happened, though. How freakin annoying! And ... (hijack ahead) how was P&P? Was mealy-mouthed Keira Knightley at all bearable?

What events lately have changed your mind regarding apologies?

As for P&P, it was pretty good. It lacked the detail of the BBC version but it added some passion and depth that I always felt the BBC version lacked. It's definitely worth seeing. As for Keira Knightley, she was definitely more beautiful than Lizzie should be but I always pictured Lizzie beautiful in my head anyway so it didn't really matter that much to me. (I thought it would but it didn't.)

manhattanmonkey · Kenneth Cole

I had a similar situation happen last night. I was upset about a situation and went to one of my friends about it and sorta blamed it on her even though it wasn't her fault, I knew she'd be the only one that would listen to me. She got upset and I had to clear things up.

I talked to my dad because it's been a long week and I was upset that I had made my friend mad. He told me I didn't really do anything wrong so I should just apologize and tell her I'm sorry if she took what I said the wrong way.

You were right to be upset with her but sometimes I guess it does more harm than good to say something to a person. I would just apologize and then go on like nothing had happened as long as she's ok with things.

HTH

poptart · Coach

blubirde wrote:

Lisa wrote:
What events lately have changed your mind regarding apologies?
As for P&P, it was pretty good. It lacked the detail of the BBC version but it added some passion and depth that I always felt the BBC version lacked. It's definitely worth seeing. As for Keira Knightley, she was definitely more beautiful than Lizzie should be but I always pictured Lizzie beautiful in my head anyway so it didn't really matter that much to me. (I thought it would but it didn't.)

Basically, not to mince words, I've encountered some people who are just a**holes, and my sense of social justice compelled me to speak up for what was "right" and it just wasn't effective. Because some people will never change, and they'll never see that they're wrong. So I guess I'm picking my battles more than I used to. I hate it, in some ways, but there it is. And the fact that she probably doesn't do this frequently is another argument for letting it go, I think.

I'm loving LMonet's signature line, which is relevant (at least in my mind): "A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation." –Molière

blink · Coach

detroit wrote:

blow it off and go on like nothing happened. if she continues to have an attitude at her b-day party, call her on it. I don't think you were unreasonable with what you said or how you approached it. my mother does this too me. she won't speak to me if I call her on something that bothers me... oh the drama...

Yeah, I agree with this unless she keeps up being ticked at you. If you have to, tell her that the behavior at the theater hurt because it was a story you really loved, etc...because truly, you shouldn't apologize for your feelings, only for the outburst....if it was even bad and it doesn't sound like it.

Hermione · Kate Spade

well my first reaction to this was just apologize so this weekend will be all good - but then i read detroit's answer ....

and i agree. you were completely in line - and i actually am surprised that your friend would be not talking to you over something like that (are we in elementary school?)

you said this all happened last night so is it possible that she would just like to be mad for a few hours and then she'll blow it off and forget about it? it's only 11am

...

let us know what you decide/ how she reacts

sorry this isn't much help

blubirde · Chanel

Thanks for everyone's input. I called her today and asked her if she wanted to go to lunch. She said yes, so that was a good sign. At lunch I told her that I thought she was mad at me for the movie thing the other night. She said she wasn't although it was a bit of a "buzz kill" to be told that after the movie. I could tell she was annoyed by it and I wanted to say it was a bit of a buzz kill to have someone be obnoxious through a whole movie but I didn't. Aren't y'all proud? I just let it go and told her I didn't mean to upset her, so I'm glad she wasn't upset. We then went about our business.

Luckily I'm sure this weekend will be all good. I just have to have patience with her. She's going through some rough family stuff right now (sister has cancer), so I should be as understanding and forgiving as I can. I kind of feel like an ass now for saying something in the first place. It's all good now so thanks for the advice!