STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Oh, Sweetie, I'm sorry to hear that. You guys have been having issues for awhile so maybe this is a sign that its time to bite the bullet and just get it over with.

You deserve to be treated better than that. You are a beautiful, strong, smart woman. He has been acting like dick for months (from the sounds of it, I only know what you've told us) and you don't deserve to be treated so poorly.

Be strong, Nyla. We are all here for you! PM me if you want to talk.

Tati wrote:

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im sorry to hear that! why was he doing this behind your back? if their just friends why cant you all hang out together? you need to really see whats going on and see if you still trust him........... good luck, keep us posted

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I know how he is.  We're in a long distance relationship right now and he's only ever had long distance relationships (barring the one that we had).  He actually prefers ldr's b/c as he puts it, he's 'committment phobic.'  I know that there might not be anything going on right now, but that doesn't mean that it won't be in the future. I've watched him to do it to other girls. Why should I be different?  I'm just so lost.  Thanks for letting me ramble.

This probably goes without saying but should you come into close quarters with him again I would definitely avoid all physical contact.

Oh Nyla... you don't deserve this. Please, please, please cut the cord on this guy -- for good.  This is not the first time he's disappointed you in a major way.

I know you love him, and that speaks greatly for your sensitivity and kindness. But he isn't going to grow up anytime soon, and it sounds like he has a pattern of behavior. Someday, you will meet a wonderful guy who won't act like this.

(((hugs)))

i know its easier said then done when we tell you to leave him. your gonna do it when your finally tired of his crap. but just dont be so blinded and try to go out with groups of friends with other guys around and hopefully you'll meet some other guy and start to lose interest in the immature guy you have now. i know you can do better and you know it too, but you'll let him go when your tired of all the B.S he does to you. i just hope you dont put up with it for too long, your young and it would suck to waste your time waiting around for him to grow up and treat you like you should be treated.

vent, its okay, it helps

Andrea Julia wrote:

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 How did you find out about this?  How and when did he meet her?

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I just had a sixth sense that he was up to something.  I confronted him about it today and he told me that he had hung out with her twice, but there was nothing going on.  He said that he works at the bank with her (I guess she's a teller there, so technically, he could get fired for dating her).   They went out for drinks after work and he said that he told her about me.  He also said that last week he and his friends met her and her friends out at a bar. Can someone please tell me what a bunch of 28 year olds have in common with college girls (some who aren't even 21)????? No offense to college girls or anything, but I was one once, I know how it is. 

But the fact that he hasn't brought this up to me until I squeezed it out of him and the fact that he still won't tell me her name and said that I can't meet her if I come to visit him raises all kinds of red flags for me.  If he really didn't have anything to hide, he would tell me her name and he wouldn't have a problem with me meeting her. 

The thing is, I know his track record with girls.  He likes LDR's b/c he has a major committment problem and he likes to be able to hang out with other girls.  He went on and on and on about how he loves me and how he wants to fix things with me, so I asked him how he thought that hanging out with another girl would fix things.  The whole situation is just shady.  And his birthday is coming up and he told me that he didn't know if he wanted to spend it with me or with her or with his other friends.  He's just a loser. 

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 20:53, 2005-10-29

  I'm so sorry to hear this, Nyla.  I don't have much else to add, other than to echo the other girls' comments.  Regardless of whether or not he's done anything with her, the fact of the matter is that he's deceived you by hanging out with her and not telling you about it.  I also am of the opinion that if nothing was going on (or he didn't intend to have something go on later) then he would have nothing to hide and he wouldn't have a problem with you meeting her. 

You're way too good for him.  I think you'll be doing yourself a huge disserve to stay with him:  he treats you like crap and all that, but more than anything, the longer you stay with him, the more you miss out on the opportunity to find someone that treats you like a queen.  I'd love to see you move on.

I know I shouldn't be, but I am shocked that he would do this to you - now, after everything that you guys have been through in the past few months and in the midst of what is going on in your life right now. What a ... words escape me. It seems like he is trying to pull further away, not work on what is going on between the two of you.

I'm so sorry this is happening. I too think that you should probably cut the cord (an apt analogy given his maturity level), but ultimately you know what is the best and whether the timing is right for you. Just know that we're all here to support you and we all think you can do much, much better.

And I agree with BC - we could send an ST posse with a message for him!

P.S. I hope I don't sound harsh in criticizing him. I know there have to be some good qualities there for you to love him as much as you do, but it sounds like he is choosing to allow his bad side to overwhelm his good side, and I know we all just want the best for you.

Just wanted to add myself to the list of smart ladies who know you deserve better.  I'll be thinking of/praying for you.  You are a strong person and you can deal with this.