STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

feeling bad, kinda long

Elle · Hermes

I am also 5'1 and was a dancer all the way up through highschool. I wish I'd realized how good I looked then so I could have fully appreciated it !

Anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling lousy about yourself . I dislike excercise and love my food too, so it feels like a huge downer to have to add excercise or take food away from your life! Right now I'm down 25 lbs from my highest-ever weight, so 5 lbs or so above what I weighed when I was dancing. If you'd like some specifics on what's helped me, I'll post them or send you a PM if you prefer. It's all stuff that you can do and still feel happy and satisfied and not depressed with your life, I promise !

For now though, I think you're in good headspace to inspire some change. If only for your health, regardless of weight.

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

I would love some advice!! Thanks so much!!

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

I know how you feel. I'm 5'2" and I weigh about 140, but I don't have big boobies; so I can't even blame some of the weight on that. I have been around this size since grammar school, but as I get older, I notice that weight gets put on a lot faster than it used to!

I have the same mentality as you do, I love to eat, love food, and I'm not going to give up my favorite foods just to be "skinny" because if I ever got "skinny" I'm sure there'd be something else for me to hate about myself.

Anyway, once I put on a lot of weight and lost all I gained from doing Weight Watchers for a summer. That might help you. I wouldn't get too down about myself if I were you. If your husband loves you the way you are and you can accept that, then I'd say F everyone else.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

LMonet wrote:

I am also 5'1 and was a dancer all the way up through highschool. I wish I'd realized how good I looked then so I could have fully appreciated it ! Anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling lousy about yourself . I dislike excercise and love my food too, so it feels like a huge downer to have to add excercise or take food away from your life! Right now I'm down 25 lbs from my highest-ever weight, so 5 lbs or so above what I weighed when I was dancing. If you'd like some specifics on what's helped me, I'll post them or send you a PM if you prefer. It's all stuff that you can do and still feel happy and satisfied and not depressed with your life, I promise ! For now though, I think you're in good headspace to inspire some change. If only for your health, regardless of weight.

LMonet ,please share.

I need something that fits int omy life a little better right now too...WW worked great for me and I hit goal but could not maintain because I just couldn't keep satisfied. I felt like I was still restricting myself too much and being too hard on myself so I just kind of gave up and gained 10 pounds back.

Tati · Chanel

screw what others say about your weight. im an only girl and i was always thin until i had my last baby, and my parents would say their mean comments to me. But then one day i got tired of clothes not looking cute or not being able to wear a certain style that i finally started to do something about it. i joined ww and so far i've lost 18 lbs. and i love ww, its so easy for me. its up to you only, not anyone else when to start eatting healthier. when you do it for yourself you end up doing it with much greater pride and more willpower. good luck, to let them get you down.

luckylily · Gucci

I'm so sorry. One of my huge pet peeves is parents giving their kids a hard time about their weight. No one wants to be overweight, and ya certainly don't need your family pointing it out to you. All through my teenage years, my Mom made the occassional comment about my weight. When I look back at photos of me as a teen I can see that I was actually super skinny and I think my Mom was just trying to feel better about her own struggle with weight.

Anyway, I'm sure your Dad doesn't realize how hurtful the comments are to you. He is probably just thinking of your well being.

I've lost 30lbs over the last 2 years. I didn't really have to make drastic changes, I really just controlled my portions better and was committed to eating more fruits and veggies. The weight came off super slow, but that was actually fine w/ me because I was losing in a way that I never felt like I was depriving myself of anything.

Good luck!

Lilykind · Hermes

*hugs*

You should never feel down about yourself! You have a great hubby, it sounds like, who's going to love you no matter what. Plus if your family is like mine, they probably are just looking out for you.

I really feel your pain. I'm barely 5' 3" and at my heaviest I was around 160. I wasn't even that big (maybe size 10/12 at the worst of it...I'm still a 10 in some sadistic high-end designers' clothes) but my parents gave me a really hard time when I was growing up about my weight, which caused me to eat more. I slowly lost around 25 pounds by dancing and fencing 4 times a week and eating better. But I don't excercise as much as I should so I'm getting kinda flabby again. Right now I weigh around 135, though I don't step on scales. I certainly don't deprive myself of opportunities for bad food when they arise, but I defintely try to eat healthy most of the time. I'm very curvy too and I have pretty big boobs so I have a lot of the same body issues.

It helps to eat more substantial, filling snacks when you feel hungry. I like to eat yogurt with a small handful of almonds while I'm at my desk working. Otherwise I'll crash and eat anything in sight (M&Ms, Tootsie Rolls...you name it, it's in this office).

Oh, and if you're a Cherry Garcia girl like my BF and I are, the frozen yogurt tastes exactly the same as the ice cream...but it's virtually guiltless!

Elle · Hermes

Okay, here 'goes! I feel like the background is important to this whole struggle, so if this becomes frighteningly long, I may have to do it in installments . Bear with me.

Up to a year after HS when I was dancing, I weighed about 100 lbs. Tiny! My frame isn't that small though, and I've always been quite muscular. I always thought I'd look better just 5 lbs lighter, but because I was sooooo active I couldn't cut my calories any more than I already had. My body was screaming 'Stop already! This is as small as we go, okay?!? Sheesh!'. I wasn't so thin that I looked ill, but there was absolutely nothing extra on my body. At this point, I kind of just had to weigh what my body decided to weigh - I was excercising 8-10 hours a day (between school and teaching/taking dance).

Then we moved to Spokane, and I got an office job at a tax firm. It was hellaciously stressful, and I was working 11-12 hour days. When I got home, I just wanted to vegetate on the sofa and watch TV and have something easy for dinner. I didn't like Spokane or my job and wasn't getting enough sleep because I was working so much. I had what I like to call 'situational depression'. My weight sloooowly started to sneak up. I carry my weight all over my body - it starts filling in around my joints and then my face and neck before it really shows up in my stomach/butt/thighs. More of a curse than a blessing really, as I never outgrew any of my clothes (I can actually flucuate a good 20 lbs and still wear the same stuff!). It just started feeling like I never looked good anymore ever - like a perpetual 'ugly' day, but I never really noticed how much weight I was gaining. I hit my peak at the end of tax season - when I finally weighed myself I found that I was up to 135 lbs in the 9 months I had worked there ! I couldn't believe it! But I hadn't been excercising at all - who had the time? And I hadn't been depriving myself of food either, instead using it as a 'good thing' to help balance all the 'bad things' in my life.

I promptly lost my job. I decided to make the best of what turned out to be 2 months off to try to get my weight under control again. I was very careful about what I ate and how much I ate, and I actually went to the gym EVERYDAY! A huge accomplishment for me, because I hate the gym with such a burning passion. I'd do pilates, stretching, and then 40 minutes on the treadmill alternating running and walking. The weight started to come off very, very slowly. It frustrated me ... I'm dieting! I'm excercising! That's what they tell you to do and you'll lose weight, right? Well, I got down to about 125 lbs and thought I looked pretty good! I was quite proud of myself for making myself go to the gym so consistently. We went on vacation around this time, and when we got home I looked at our pictures. I was crushed! I didn't look like me at all - double chin, no waist, thighs hanging over my kneecaps!

I never went back to the gym. I ended up gaining back about 7 lbs.

I finally got a new job. It was much less stressful and never more than an 8 hour day. My 'situational depression' started to fade a bit, and with it a few more pounds. I wasn't going to the gym anymore - the few pounds I was losing wasn't worth the emotional toll it had been taking on me. Though we never really cut any specific foods out, we rarely bought processed foods and tried to spend most of our grocery money on fruits and veggies. I learned more recipes that focused on vegetables instead of relying on empty calories and fats from sauces and sugars. (I'll include some that we still rely on heavily at the end of this) We'd plan our meals for the week out ahead of time so we'd only have to go to the store once a week. On each grocery trip, I got to pick out one 'treat' for the week. Whatever I wanted ... croissants, ice cream, muffins, donuts, chocolate candies, anything. Then I didn't feel bad about indulging - I'd 'planned' it that way hadn't I ? Once it was gone, there wasn't anything else in the house to eat that was 'bad' until the next week. I also found lots of good substitutes for the chips and other crap we no longer had in the house - frozen grapes, tea, chewing gum, low fat popcorn, hummus, seasonal fruits, almonds, cheese sticks, wheat thins, cheerios, diet soda, sugar free popsicles and fudgesicles. I also always kept some small pieces of chocolate in the house - Reisens and Dove Dark Promises work well - so that if I wanted something I could have it without guilt. I limited myself to 3 pieces per day and honestly I never wanted anything more than that. I'd have my breakfast, a snack at 10am (an apple usually), my lunch, a snack when I got home from work, dinner, dessert, and a late night snack everyday. If I ever felt hungry otherwise, I'd have a cup of tea and sometimes a chocolate. If I was still hungry after I'd finished that, I could have an extra snack. This was great for times when a meal was not too far off, or those times when you know you shouldn't feel hungry but you have the munchies or just need something to put in your mouth. My excercise was cut waaay back - just about 15-20 minutes of floor pilates as soon as I got home, just before Friends started. I never felt like it was getting in the way of 'my' time if I did it immediately after coming home from work, before I got settled in. I lost 1-2 lbs a week in the first few weeks, and then 1 lb a week after that.

After I'd gotten back down to 125 lbs, FH left for a 3 month clinical in Texas. I found it much easier to lose weight when he was gone. I was much less apt to cook a whole meal just for myself, so I'd make a big batch of fajitas on Monday and they'd feed me and entire week of lunches. For dinner I got in the habit of making a HUGE salad with lots of fixins - romaine, tomatoes, cucumber, cheese, olives, kidney beans, peas, avacado, etc dressed with cilantro, olive oil, vinegar, salt and pepper. Sometimes with tuna fish or chicken if I needed some protein. I'd eat it out of a mixing bowl! Paired with a diet soda, suprisingly filling. And of course a fudgesicle for dessert, and usually some tea and another chocolate later in the evening. The pounds started to positively melt off! 3 lbs the first week! Another 3 lbs the week after that! 2 lbs for the next 2 weeks! In the first 5 weeks that he was gone, I lost 10 lbs! I was finally down to 115 - the lightest I'd been since HS.

We moved to Denver. Any lingering 'situational depression' disappeared, and we started adding a daily 30 min walk around our neighborhood. We do it as soon as FH gets home from work, so it doesn't get in the way of our evening. We use it to talk about our day and catch up on stuff and it flies by. We both got bikes and take 1-2 hour long rides every other weekend or so. I've lost another 5 lbs since we've been here . I don't eat salads for dinner anymore, but I do make sure that a good dose of our meal is made up of veggies whether they are fresh or frozen. We eat out on Friday and Saturday nights, and I order whatever I want . I've got only another 5 lbs to go, and my wedding is in 9 months. I look forward to having only one chin in my wedding photos.

-- Edited by LMonet at 19:09, 2005-10-14

Elle · Hermes

What I got out of the whole situation is this - you can only be unhappy in so many areas of your life at once. If the tally of things you 'have to do' outweighs that of the things you 'want to do', something's gotta give! You can't just add 'excercise' and 'diet' to the 'have to do' side and expect to stay happy, or even sane! It just makes everything feel worse!

Instead of pushing yourself to do things you hate, find a way that makes it work for you. Running on the treadmill does NOT work for me! 3 tiny meals a day does NOT work for me! In my experience if you hate it, any results you see will not be worth the hours/days/weeks of hating it took you to get there, and you'll fail. It's not about huge schedule-ruining workout sessions and tiny, bland 'meals'. It's about changes so small that it doesn't make your 'have to do' list any longer than your 'want to do' list. Any change big enough to be an inconvenience isn't one you can maintain in the long term, and I doubt you'd want to! Don't sacrifice your mental health for a few pounds because it's just not worth it .

From what you've said IloveChoo, I don't think weight watchers 'works' for you very well.

If you have anymore questions or want more specifics on recipes, I'd still be happy to help. In general we just try not to make a habit of relying on prepackaged meals or processed foods. We try to choose light, lowfat/nonfat, sugar free, whole wheat items when we can.

Snacks:

frozen grapes, tea, chewing gum, low fat popcorn, hummus, apples, mangoes, pears, plums, mini carrots, nectarines, almonds, cheese sticks, wheat thins, cheerios, diet soda, sugar free popsicles, fudgesicles, Reisens, Dove dark chocolate promises.

Dinners:

Fajitas - lean chicken breasts, bell peppers & onions, sauteed in olive oil, served with FF sour cream

Spaghetti & meatballs - whole wheat noodles, 97% lean turkey meatballs browned in olive oil with minced mushrooms and onions mixed in for moisture, served with steamed frozen green beans

Tilapia - thawed and coated with wheat flour, cayenne pepper, and salt, browned in a little bit of butter and olive oil, served with a lime sauce made with chicken broth, brown rice, and steamed aparagus, corn on the cob, or frozen veggies

Chicken & Spinach enchiladas - chicken, frozen spinach, green chiles, and lowfat cream cheese inside tortillas, covered in red enchilada sauce and a light sprinkling of cheese and baked. Served with frozen corn.

Peanut chicken - chicken sauteed in olive oil and then coated in peanut sauce (light from a bottle or some creamy peanut butter thinned with some chicken broth), served with asian veggie stir fry and brown rice.

My average day:

Breakfast: Coffee w/cream, banana, and either oatmeal, cereal, or toast w/FF cottage cheese.

Snack: Tea, yogurt

Lunch: Turkey on whole wheat with mustard & tomatoes; stock-based soup; leftovers. Usually with a diet soda

Snack: Cheese stick, mango.

Dinner: See above for our 'staple' entrees.

Dessert: Fudscicle or popsicle

Snack: If I'm still hungry, I'll have a chocolate and some more tea

When I was working full-time, I'd usually have both my early and late evening snacks. When I'm off work I usually don't feel the need for either, partially due to not feeling deprived of what I want and also not having a strict schedule.

HTH! Good luck!

-- Edited by LMonet at 19:53, 2005-10-14

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

what an awesome story, lmonet! good for you!

luv2shop, i can't add much to the fabulous advice the girls have already offered but maybe this will help: make sure you're doing it for you. whenever my heart and soul are in agreement with what other people are telling me to do, i feel like i can move mountains, that nothing can stop me. but if someone's telling me or pushing me to do something that i really don't want, or only want half-heartedly, i just end up feeling resentful. so make sure that losing weight is what you want for yourself. if it's not, that's cool, just don't let the comments made by your dad or mom or whoever get to you, because in your heart you will know that you are where you want to be.

good luck!

-- Edited by esquiress at 19:40, 2005-10-14

Sandy · Kate Spade

I'd just like to say ditto to everything esquiress said. That's what I wanted to say when I read your post, but I didn't know how to put it into words (I wouldn't have come up with anything nearly as eloquent). I'm sorry you're feeling badly right now. I have no advice or suggestions because I've never been one to stick to a diet-exercise routine... I just want to tell you that I wish you the best of luck.

LMonet... what an inspiring story! I'm so happy for you!!!

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

LMonet, that was such good advice. Your story brought me to the brink of tears (maybe I am just emotional). Thank you for your advice, it is some really good stuff. I personally especially appreciate the food ideas. I am such a foodie. I am so excited that you are losing the weight in a way that you have come up with yourself, no fad diets or crazy exercising regime.

Luv2Shop, I am so sorry that your dad said that to you. My mom told me constantly that I was fat starting when I was 8. Yes, I did say 8. I was probably one of the only elementary school kids who I knew that would go home and do sit ups after school. I was an active child and ate well. I was constantly compared to my sisters who were/are twigs. Come high school, I was/am curvy and VERY athletic, constantly doing sports. My mom slightly changed her tune and said that I looked alright as long as I don't gain any weight. Yeah, thanks mom. Though she has laid off the fat comments of late, I do have that lingering feeling of "being fat", more accurately, being called fat. Though I don't know exactly how you feel, I know that it feels horrible to have a parent tell you that they think that you are fat. And for the record, I DO NOT think that you are fat at all. Also as Esquiress and Stephanie have said, do it for you. Once you start doing it for you, it is the most liberating feeling ever. If you do it for other people it will never last. There is only one you, take care of yourself mentally and physically. I have no doubt that you will get through this minor hurdle without a hitch. Stay positive and we are all here for you! {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

NCshopper · Hermes

Hey Luvs2shop, I'm sorry your dad made a comment about your weight. That really sucks! I'm not sure what your relationship is like with your dad, but I have a hard time imagining that many dads would intentionally hurt their daughter's feelings, so I doubt he intended to upset you.

I agree with a lot of what LMonet said about eating habits. Moving away from processed foods is more likely to make you healthier anyway, even if you don't lose much weight just because you'll be eliminating a lot of preservatives from your diet. My husband and I eat very few processed foods and I find that since we've done that I enjoy our food more because it tastes better and it's just very satisfying to make something that tastes great. But that's coming from someone who loves to cook and is married to someone else that loves to cook, so I can understand that not everyone feels that way.

I'm pretty sure that 99% of women have some part of their body that they're not in love with and I think that most of us weigh more than we'd like (myself included). I gained about 30 pounds since high school, and while that's not a great figure to think about in my head, I also realize that going back to my high school weight is COMPLETELY unrealistic. My lifestyle is different, my metabolism is different, and to be 5'6" and 119 pounds again is just not in the near future. So, I guess my point is to realize that you're probably not ever going to weigh what you weighed in high school, so before you try to start losing weight, you may want to reevaluate what is a healthy and realistic goal weight for yourself.

Also, I know you're a relative newly-wed, as am I, and I've learned that learning to cook for 2 takes some getting used to in terms of portion sizes and all that. Plus, you're busy, working, and want to hang out with your husband, so your instincts are to grab what's quickest and easiest, which is not always the healthiest. Getting your hubby in the kitchen with you will make cooking more fun and you'll end up eating healthier as a result.

Anyway, that was a huge and random and not well-organized post, but if you want to chat about food, feel free to PM me--we're total foodies and we're always cooking something interesting that is usually pretty healthy as well.

Alikat · Kate Spade

I totally understand how you feel Luv2Shop. I'm probably the same body type as you, and I've had the same problems.

I've noticed my dad can be very insensitive about weight. He's made many comments to me for awhile, but I just shrug them off now or if they really upset me I tell him to be quiet. I mean my dad could use a little weight-loss as well. I think they are just being concerned but just don't think about what they say before they say it. Plus most men don't care as much about weight, so they don't see it as a big deal to assert their opinions about it especially to their daughter.

You should tell him how you feel and that you don't want to dwell on weight issues.

Lmonet, what great advice. Your diet looks very healthy and sensible - something that I'm striving to reach.

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

Thanks you guys! That really helped me more then you know! All of your inspiring stories and how you all stayed positive when you were thrown negative comments. And LMonet, thanks for all the advice! I think I am going to try to eat healthier, and switch from regular pasta to whole wheat, love that idea! I am going to join WW or Curves and see what my results are.

Thanks again to everyone for the support!!! You are all angels!

poptart · Coach

Luv2Shop wrote:

Thanks you guys! That really helped me more then you know! All of your inspiring stories and how you all stayed positive when you were thrown negative comments. And LMonet, thanks for all the advice! I think I am going to try to eat healthier, and switch from regular pasta to whole wheat, love that idea! I am going to join WW or Curves and see what my results are. Thanks again to everyone for the support!!! You are all angels!

I didn't chime in on this, b/c I didn't have much to add, but good for you for deciding to make changes that are *your* choice - not something enforced on you by friends' or families' opinions.