STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

NYLA, please don't leave!  This post makes me uncomfortable and I've tried to avoid it, but please don't let a few comments stop you from posting.  I think we need to give all parties the benefit of the doubt and just drop it.  Just don't leave . 

NylaBelle wrote:

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nunzi182 wrote:  Well I'm sorry you feel this way Nylabelle.  But I think you found boops post unhelpful because it was not what you wanted to hear.  I think the whole point is everyone is entitled to an opionion or a post or comment, not just a handful of people.  While I am not going to apologize for my comments and insights to you, I wish that you would not leave b/c of this thread b/c the intent of it was not to upset you but rather explain various ways of viewing things. Please do not tell me why I responded the way I did. I am not the kind of person who likes things to be 'sugarcoated' and can't stand the truth.  Of course, the thought that weren't going to hire me crossed my mind, but after looking at the situation, I didn't really think that was the case.  I'm not the kind of person to only see one solution and to turn a blind eye to other possibilities (but I do analyze things and that's why I didn't think that was the correct assumption). I was not upset b/c it wasn't 'what I wanted to hear.' That's not the way I am.  I was upset b/c it was abruptly worded without (seemly) very much explaination and no advice was offered, no 'oh, that sucks' or 'i'm sorry.' To me, it was a rude post from someone I don't even 'know' very well and that's why I was upset.  I am sticking by my decision to not post for a while after tonight. 

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It seems to me that you do need things to be sugar coated and that's why you got so upset about it.

Anyway, I hope the situation works out for you, whatever happens.

Okay, now I'm a little ticked.   Can you tell?

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT YOU ARE "NEW OR DIFFERENT".  IT IS NOT OLD MEMBERS VERSUS NEW MEMBERS.  OLD MEMBERS=KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR AWHILE=THE ABILITY TO GET WHAT ONE MEANS WITHOUT THEM EXPLAINING THEIR INTENT UNTIL THEY ARE BLUE IN THE FACE.  NEW MEMBERS=HAVEN'T KNOW EACH OTHER THAT LONG=YOU HAVE SOME 'SPLAINING TO DO BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE THE EXPERIENCE WITH YOU TO JUST 'KNOW' WHAT YOU MEAN. 

KAPEESH?

We were all new members once.  Nobody wants to run you off or burn you at the stake.  There have been a few isolated incidences where 'new' people have been flamed, some with good reason some unfairly.  Everybody is responsible for what they say and how they say it regardless of their 'status' here, that's why it's a called a forum.  Bringing grievances from seperate situations into this thread has no bearing, it only serves to further the 'Yes you did!  No I didn't!' that this thread has become.  The fact of the matter is that someone who happened to be 'new' said something with an unclear tone.  Therefore, because of the sensitivity of the situation and the fact that there was no established relationship to infer the tone from, the comment was taken in an unkind way.  If you do not give someone direction in the way to take your post, the possiblility that it could be taken incorrectly should be expected.  We've all done it.  When it happens, explain, apologize for the misunderstanding, and move on. 

IMO if you have an issue with someone flaming, it should be taken up with them - privately or in the forum - or taken to a moderator. 

LMonet wrote:

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Okay, now I'm a little ticked.   Can you tell? IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT YOU ARE "NEW OR DIFFERENT".  IT IS NOT OLD MEMBERS VERSUS NEW MEMBERS.  OLD MEMBERS=KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR AWHILE=THE ABILITY TO GET WHAT ONE MEANS WITHOUT THEM EXPLAINING THEIR INTENT UNTIL THEY ARE BLUE IN THE FACE.  NEW MEMBERS=HAVEN'T KNOW EACH OTHER THAT LONG=YOU HAVE SOME 'SPLAINING TO DO BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE THE EXPERIENCE WITH YOU TO JUST 'KNOW' WHAT YOU MEAN.  KAPEESH? We were all new members once.  Nobody wants to run you off or burn you at the stake.  There have been a few isolated incidences where 'new' people have been flamed, some with good reason some unfairly.  Everybody is responsible for what they say and how they say it regardless of their 'status' here, that's why it's a called a forum.  Bringing grievances from seperate situations into this thread has no bearing, it only serves to further the 'Yes you did!  No I didn't!' that this thread has become.  The fact of the matter is that someone who happened to be 'new' said something with an unclear tone.  Therefore, because of the sensitivity of the situation and the fact that there was no established relationship to infer the tone from, the comment was taken in an unkind way.  If you do not give someone direction in the way to take your post, the possiblility that it could be taken incorrectly should be expected.  We've all done it.  When it happens, explain, apologize for the misunderstanding, and move on.  IMO if you have an issue with someone flaming, it should be taken up with them - privately or in the forum - or taken to a  moderator. 

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 You seem to be contradicting yourself here.  It IS a forum and people do not have to explain themselves; it's polite to do so, but they do not have to.  I don't have an issue with anyone here.  At least I didn't think I did.  I know this is going to bring a lot grief my way, but again, this is a forum atmosphere and I was led to believe that we could state our opinions.  Nobody can gauge how someone is going to perceive a particular comment or opinion, so covering your ass when you write can only take you so far, depending on the person reading a particular comment.  That being said, if you think this has been taken out of hand, then go to a moderator already.  It wasn't my intent to hurt anyone's feelings, but I cannot control how someone is going to perceive something I write.  I do feel that the older members here tend to clique with each other, which is fine and understandable.  As a result, I feel I'm going to be persecuted for this post, but whatever, it is what it is.

Another thought...

I wonder if they are trying to wait until the beginning of the year before hiring you.  My company will hire and promote a butt-load of people in the beginning of the year before we go over our budgets and then in the last few months of the year, they will leave interviewees, temps, and those hoping for promotion hanging while important positions are left unfilled.  They sometimes will even solicit resumes and interview people only to string them along for months until they can get the budget approval to hire (or promote) someone. 

Of course, I am using my current company as my only point of reference.  It is the only place I have worked that wasn't a tiny company where I worked with the same people from the time I started to the time I left.

LOUD NOISES!!!

sorry, i know that was juvenile.  but sometimes steve carrell can be counted on to lighten the mood. 

nunzi182 wrote:

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You seem to be contradicting yourself here.  It IS a forum and people do not have to explain themselves; it's polite to do so, but they do not have to.  I don't have an issue with anyone here.  At least I didn't think I did.  I know this is going to bring a lot grief my way, but again, this is a forum atmosphere and I was led to believe that we could state our opinions.  Nobody can gauge how someone is going to perceive a particular comment or opinion, so covering your ass when you write can only take you so far, depending on the person reading a particular comment.  That being said, if you think this has been taken out of hand, then go to a moderator already.  It wasn't my intent to hurt anyone's feelings, but I cannot control how someone is going to perceive something I write.  I do feel that the older members here tend to clique with each other, which is fine and understandable.  As a result, I feel I'm going to be persecuted for this post, but whatever, it is what it is.

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Well then, allow me to explain.  I feel that if you choose not to explain your opinions, then you have no business complaining when people misunderstand you.  We are all intelligent people here as far as I can tell, who have a solid enough grasp on language to be able to communicate with one another in an effective way if we so choose.  I agree that we do not have infinite control over what others think of what we say, but a little effort goes a long way. 

When I refered to reporting to a moderator, I was talking to the newbies who expressed that they felt they themselves or others had been ridiculed or otherwise mistreated in other places, since they seemed to have brought their distress to this thread. 

As for old members being cliquey (sp?) with each other, I can see how that could be perceived.  It's just like the real world here though - If you walked into a room full of strangers you'd never met and knew they had all been there talking and getting to know each other for awhile, would you walk up to someone and make a penis joke?  Or a comment about George W.?  I'd hope not!  Why would you come here and expect it to be different? 

After you've been around for awhile and people get to know you however, IMO the limits of what you can acceptably say expand.  I know I say some things now that could probably be considered distasteful, but because I make my tone known to the best of my ability and people know me and my sense of humor they take it as I intend it.  That wouldn't have been so had I said it when I was 'new'.

These thoughts are all jumbled in my head, so I hope I'm making myself clear.  If it would be helpful I could give some specific examples if anybody still cares.

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-- Edited by NylaBelle at 08:48, 2005-10-13

nunzi182 wrote:

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  It IS a forum and people do not have to explain themselves; it's polite to do so, but they do not have to.  I don't have an issue with anyone here.  At least I didn't think I did.  I know this is going to bring a lot grief my way, but again, this is a forum atmosphere and I was led to believe that we could state our opinions.  Nobody can gauge how someone is going to perceive a particular comment or opinion, so covering your ass when you write can only take you so far, depending on the person reading a particular comment.  That being said, if you think this has been taken out of hand, then go to a moderator already.  It wasn't my intent to hurt anyone's feelings, but I cannot control how someone is going to perceive something I write.  I do feel that the older members here tend to clique with each other, which is fine and understandable.  As a result, I feel I'm going to be persecuted for this post, but whatever, it is what it is.

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I definitely agree with Nunzi.  This is a public forum and contribute to it as how they see fit whether it's constructive or not.  I'm a big dork so I looked up the definition of forum:

Main Entry: fo·rum
Pronunciation: 'fOr-&m, 'for-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural forums also fo·ra /-&/
Etymology: Latin; akin to Latin foris outside, fores door -- more at DOOR
1 a : the marketplace or public place of an ancient Roman city forming the center of judicial and public business b : a public meeting place for open discussion c : a medium (as a newspaper) of open discussion or expression of ideas
2 : a judicial body or assembly : COURT
3 a : a public meeting or lecture involving audience discussion b : a program (as on radio or television) involving discussion of a problem usually by several authorities

I don't think anyone came into this thread making a penis comment.  Yes, real world rules should apply to this forum.  I agree.  But this was not a private discussion and if it was meant to be then maybe it shouldn't be posted on a public forum and then expect everyone to tip toe around each other's feelings.