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Hermes

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Is this rude or am I overreacting?
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I dont think I'm overreacting, but I'd like to get your opinions.  Here's my situation.  One of the guys I work with is in town for meetings and asked me last week if I would like to go to dinner on Tuesdays (meaning tonight).  He's a collegue and we are also friends through work.  So he came by my desk yesterday afternoon to confirm dinner for tonight and the details.  So I figured we were on.  Then i hear him in my bosses office a few minutes ago agreeing to go out for beers and watch the Sox game tonight after work.  I sent him a message saying "what are you blowing dinner w/me off tonight? would have been nice if you told me"  He responded back saying yeah, sorry.  I got asked to go watch the Sox game, so I have to do that instead.  WTF!  I am raging mad right now.  I think that is downright ignorant of someone to offer dinner to me and then make plans w/my boss instead.  And I'm the last to know.  Am I overreacting here, because I think I have a right to be upset.

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nunzi182


Kate Spade

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I think you have a right to be upset, but in your colleague's defense, maybe he didn't want to turn your boss down for fear of it reflecting badly on him as a "team player". Does that make sense?

Maybe he either wanted to impress (aka kiss his ass) your/his boss, felt rude saying no to a boss, or he's a rude jerk!

I would give hime the benefit of the doubt here though. Explain that you were a bit upset with the fact that he failed to mention his new plans to you.

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janey831


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i think you have a right to be upset! people just lack common courtesy these days! but then again, it is in the workplace, and i don't know how great of a friendship you have outside of work.  he prolly cancelled plans with you so he can be all chummy with the boss....

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Hermes

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Here's more so you guys can understand. My boss is his boss and it's totally not a situation where he needs to kiss ass.  My boss likes him and he knows that.  My boss is also not the formal type you need to impress.  There conversation was totally casual and my boss said "hey g, do you wanna grab a few beers after work and watch the Sox?"  G said "Oh sure, sounds good"  He had every opportunity to say, sorry I have plans after work.  My boss wouldn't have cared at all.  I confronted G and told him it was rude.  All he said was "yeah, sorry". 

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Elle


Hermes

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Blech !  What a boob!

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Christine


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What a jerk. If he didn't need to impress your boss, then he shouldn't have accepted the new offer after he'd already made plans with you. When he said "yeah, sorry," did he sound like he meant it?

Since he's your colleague, it might be pretty inconvenient to be angry at him for long, but maybe for a little while, you can express your anger by being coldly polite towards him. You know, only talk to him when it's about work, etc.

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Hermes

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Christine wrote:

What a jerk. If he didn't need to impress your boss, then he shouldn't have accepted the new offer after he'd already made plans with you. When he said "yeah, sorry," did he sound like he meant it? Since he's your colleague, it might be pretty inconvenient to be angry at him for long, but maybe for a little while, you can express your anger by being coldly polite towards him. You know, only talk to him when it's about work, etc.

No, he didn't sound sincere at all, it was more like "too bad, oh well"


As for him being my collegue and not being able to be mad at him, he's pretty unprofessional and that's all I'll say, but I could never get in trouble for being a bitch to him.  I told him I will no longer be talking to him unless it is in regards to our boss.



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blubirde


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There are so many different ways he could have handled the situation. He could have told your boss about y'all's plans and asked if you could join them, he could have said he'd meet up with him later after dinner with you or whatever.


I second LMonet - what a boob!



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bumblebee


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well, this is going to sound like a "boys will be boys" rationalization, but i think that opportunity to watch baseball and drink beer with other guys totally overrides most men's thinking/reasoning/consideration capacity.  i've seen it happen many times.  the idea of sports comes up and their eyes glaze over and any other plans that have been previously made seem completely unappealing and magically vanish from their brains! 


i'm totally not saying it's right, but i can picture how it happened.  it's rude, but i don't think it's personal. 


*one other thought--would he have been embarrassed to tell the boss that he was having dinner with you? like maybe he wouldn't want to give the impression of impropriety?


there's a macho thing that goes into that, too.  like if he told him that he couldn't watch baseball b/c he was having dinner with you, he might think that that would make him look like a wiener or something.  if he's an insecure guy, that could definitely have had something to do with it. 



-- Edited by bumblebee at 13:05, 2005-10-04

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Hermes

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bumblebee wrote:

well, this is going to sound like a "boys will be boys" rationalization, but i think that opportunity to watch baseball and drink beer with other guys totally overrides most men's thinking/reasoning/consideration capacity.  i've seen it happen many times.  the idea of sports comes up and their eyes glaze over and any other plans that have been previously made seem completely unappealing and magically vanish from their brains!  i'm totally not saying it's right, but i can picture how it happened.  it's rude, but i don't think it's personal.  *one other thought--would he have been embarrassed to tell the boss that he was having dinner with you? like maybe he wouldn't want to give the impression of impropriety? there's a macho thing that goes into that, too.  like if he told him that he couldn't watch baseball b/c he was having dinner with you, he might think that that would make him look like a wiener or something.  if he's an insecure guy, that could definitely have had something to do with it.  -- Edited by bumblebee at 13:05, 2005-10-04

I totally see what you're thinking, but no, my boss is not the type to think something weird is going on if we are going out to dinner - he's just not like that.  He knows G and I work together and get along...he knows nothing weird would be going on. 


blubirde - I totally agree, why couldn't he have just said "i'm having dinner w/k, do you wanna join us, maybe we can watch the game there too?  or k, can you and I do dinner a little later.  Ugh!


I guess my feelings are just hurt.



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Farrah


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I may be the lone voice of dissent here, but...


I think that you have the right to be annoyed, but I don't think that you should be upset over it.  If he is a just a guy that you work with it shouldn't be THAT important.  What upsets me is that YOU are making plans instead of watching the game!  Get your prioritiesin check girl!  GO SOX!!


BTW, the game is at 3 today...are they planning on leaving work early?



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Hermes

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Farrah wrote:


I may be the lone voice of dissent here, but... I think that you have the right to be annoyed, but I don't think that you should be upset over it.  If he is a just a guy that you work with it shouldn't be THAT important.  What upsets me is that YOU are making plans instead of watching the game!  Get your prioritiesin check girl!  GO SOX!! BTW, the game is at 3 today...are they planning on leaving work early?


Actually - we were going to a restaurant to eat and watch the game.  Trust me I will be watching.  The thing that kills me is he didn't bother to invite me to go w/him and my boss to watch the Sox - but my boss did!  I'm not crying over here or anything, just frustrated and my feelings got hurt.


The game is at 3pm today - and they are leaving work early.  My boss just told me to join them at the bar across the street to watch.  I think I'll go and ignore the guy who blew me off.



-- Edited by shopchicago33 at 14:03, 2005-10-04

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Farrah


Marc Jacobs

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shopchicago33 wrote:

Farrah wrote: I may be the lone voice of dissent here, but... I think that you have the right to be annoyed, but I don't think that you should be upset over it.  If he is a just a guy that you work with it shouldn't be THAT important.  What upsets me is that YOU are making plans instead of watching the game!  Get your prioritiesin check girl!  GO SOX!! BTW, the game is at 3 today...are they planning on leaving work early? Actually - we were going to a restaurant to eat and watch the game.  Trust me I will be watching.  The thing that kills me is he didn't bother to invite me to go w/him and my boss to watch the Sox - but my boss did!  Whatever. The game is at 3pm today - and they are leaving work early.  My boss just told me to join them at the bar across the street to watch.  I think I'll go and ignore the guy who blew me off.


I wouldn't ignore him.  Then he'll think that he got to you and guys love that.  Just go and have a great time rooting for our boys and show him that you didn't have to hang him anyway!



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Dizzy


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This is my all time pet peeve. For what it's worth though, I bet the issue wasn't impressing hte boss, I bet it was having seats to see the sox. I spent all usmmer dating a baseball fan who would have stood up his grandmother for the crappiest seat at a nothing game...

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Hermes

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Dizzy wrote:

This is my all time pet peeve. For what it's worth though, I bet the issue wasn't impressing hte boss, I bet it was having seats to see the sox. I spent all usmmer dating a baseball fan who would have stood up his grandmother for the crappiest seat at a nothing game...
Nooo - they aren't going to the actual game.  He's blowing me off to watch it in a bar!

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Farrah


Marc Jacobs

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Dizzy wrote:

This is my all time pet peeve. For what it's worth though, I bet the issue wasn't impressing hte boss, I bet it was having seats to see the sox. I spent all usmmer dating a baseball fan who would have stood up his grandmother for the crappiest seat at a nothing game...


It's a good thing that we aren't dating:).  I would do that too, hee-hee.  I LOVE White Sox Baseball!



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