STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Mandy · Kate Spade

name change

crystal · Kate Spade

not sure if this is helpful, but my mom never changed her name after her & my dad divorced. she was 27 or 28 at the time of the divorce. i'm not sur if the decision was so that she would still have the same last name as me, or if she just wanted to keep the name. whatever you decide, just make yourself happy! good luck!

kenzie · Chanel

My mom never changed her name back either when she and my dad divorced. But she told me that if I hadn't already been born that she would have changed her name back. She just wanted to make sure that we both had the same last name, so that's why she kept my Dad's name.

If I were in your situation, I would most likely change my name back (of course, I don't know for sure b/c I'm not in that situation, but those are my thoughts at the moment).

laken1 · Hermes

Well, I was in your situation & I changed mine back. I also had professional issues, but I felt that going back to my maiden name was taking back the real me - my identity before I married him. I also didn't want to go through the conversation of "oh your name is XX do you know john XX" - and me have to say, "yes, that is my ex brother in law, I divorced his younger brother" kind of crap, which happened from time to time. I found it very empowering to be back to my maiden name. I think that professionally people realize that this happens, and it may be 10 or 15 years before you remarry, if you ever do - you may not want to marry again (just shack up with that great guy forever)! I also found that professionally it was the easiest way to have the whole "oh i got divorced" conversation with customers without starting a personal conversation myself, since they usually asked about my name change. And i don't know what kind of job you have, but sometimes it's nice for people around you to know you are going through a personal change, for me it was completely positive.

I'd say do what you are comfortable with, but that's my story.

-- Edited by laken1 at 13:08, 2005-09-28

Tati · Chanel

i totally agree with Laken1, i would most likely change it if i was in your situation. BUT , do what makes you feel better

Mandy · Kate Spade

thanks ladies. i guess that is the perspective i need. laken, what you said makes sense. i do feel like i have taken a lot of myself back since leaving him but in some way i feel like im erasing the last three years of my life. i have been trying to use my maiden name more in situations where it doesn't matter to get used to it again. i guess i just have to relearn my name.

laken1 · Hermes

Mandy wrote:

thanks ladies. i guess that is the perspective i need. laken, what you said makes sense. i do feel like i have taken a lot of myself back since leaving him but in some way i feel like im erasing the last three years of my life. i have been trying to use my maiden name more in situations where it doesn't matter to get used to it again. i guess i just have to relearn my name.

It really was hard for me. We filed in May so it was final on Thanksgiving - I was trying to transition & I went to a Christmas party & they were taking pictures - I was on the board of that organization so I knew that my picture was going to be a local magazine so when the lady asked my name I kind of gulped...then gave her my maiden name. It really was a turning point & I'll never forget it. Also, I really hate to say this as well, but when my ex found out he called & asked me about it - he was kind of pissed. I told him all the things I said in my previous post & told him I couldn't believe he thought I would keep his name, there really was no point. But he was very insulted. oh well. If he wasn't an ass I'd still be married to him, that's what I kept telling myself anyway!

Good luck.

Mandy · Kate Spade

Thats so funny that your ex was insulted you changed your name. My ex told me he thought it would be weird if I kept his name and that it bothered him a little. That almost makes me want to keep it out of spite (I wouldn't really do it for that reason). Its been my name too, I don't really even associate it with him. Its my name, but I guess not anymore.