STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Andrea Julia · Coach

Is there any way to specify that it is not a date beforehand?

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

ooh, tell me more about virginia beach boy! i think there is something in the air, my friend met this awesome guy on her trip to mexico a few weeks ago, my other friend met this australian who's traveling here and now we have your boy from your work trip! and i am going to mexico labor day weekend so here's hoping i find a trip guy of my own! tee hee.

anyway sorry for the hijack, back to the business at hand. i think you can hang out w/ him again. you said no to a kiss for gosh sakes, he should know to not try again unless he is a glutton for rejection. oh god, unless he thinks you were playing by "the rules" and just said no because it was your first "date" and not because you're really not interested. you could play it super-safe and bring a friend/chaperone w/ you. but then again your friends are all married and eager to get you married too...sooo...that might not work. honestly, it depends on how bored you are. if you're not doing anything that night and you enjoy his company, why not go? i don't really think there's any way for you to make it clear you're not on a date beforehand though--nothing that won't bring about the awkwardness you're trying to avoid.

good luck and keep us posted!

Andrea Julia · Coach

n/m

-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 00:55, 2006-01-29

splash · Kenneth Cole

Ugh!! I know exactly how you feel - it's so annoying!! I haven't successfully told a guy I wanted to be just friends - the one time I said that, I ended up totally falling for him the next time I saw him. But..... until he saw that he was really good about acting as just friends. It seems like you won't loose anything by casually saying, "I'm so glad we're getting to be friends" or even more directly that you want to be just friends. If that doesn't work for him, you'll find out sooner rather than later. And if it does work, so much the better - you won't have to worry about it. Unfortunately, I don't think the no kiss thing is necessarily enough.

But AndreaJulia, why are you so sure that he's not bf material when you've only just met him? From your earlier post and this one, it sounds as if there are a lot of single guys around whom you enjoy spending time with, and yet in one way or another they're not right. What about giving each one that comes your way another chance beyond what you normally would? I know that for me there have been times when I've been convinced that a guy was only friend material, and then he ended up being very much bf material. Most of the time that won't be the case, but the times it is make up for that. (I know this doesn't answer your question, but it struck me while reading your post, so I wanted to mention it.)

crystal · Kate Spade

esquiress wrote:

i think there is something in the air, my friend met this awesome guy on her trip to mexico a few weeks ago, my other friend met this australian who's traveling here and now we have your boy from your work trip!

don't forget your other friend (me) who made out w/ an italian boy who was visiting my neighbor! he already emailed me, so cute cuz he can barely speak english! oh & my friend met a guy in vegas who she plans to do the whole trips to visit eachother thing w/.

anyways, sorry for the hijack... i think the BEST & most time tested way to make sure a guy knows u just want to be friends is to talk about other guys in front of him & get him to talk about other girls. talk about viginia beach boy & ask him if he's seeing anyone. that will be a clear sign to him that you think of him as a friend! it works, trust me!!

laken1 · Hermes

I have no advice but I do have a question - why are you going to hang out with him if you aren't interested? Is this just an attempt to make new friends? I only say this because I hung out with this guy i wasn't interested in just because I was bored, he ended up kissing me goodnight then I never returned his calls, so I'm just a terrible person to ask.

BUT...I do have to say that trip guys are the best. I've always had good luck with people I met on vacation, as a matter of fact I ended up marrying one!

Andrea Julia · Coach

n/m

-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 00:55, 2006-01-29

laken1 · Hermes

Andrea Julia wrote:

Laken1, I want to hang out with him because I like him as a friend and also for the off chance that I could change my mind. I know a lot of girls who didn't like their bf in a romantic way when they first met and then after being friends for a while, they changed their mind. However, I have never had that opportunity because as soon as I tell a guy I'm not interested in that way, he doesn't want to hang out. So, I am hoping to make a new friend out of this, but on the other hand, it seems more likely to me that he will just feel rejected and not want to talk anymore. I still haven't responded to him whether or not I can hang out on Friday. I'm really torn on what to do because I don't want to make a new friend only to lose him right away because friendship isn't what he's looking for.

VA beach guy just texted me to see if I would be around tonight because he wants to call me! -- Edited by Andrea Julia at 13:52, 2005-08-31

I understand - that is so tough. Maybe just hang out, I don't know what to say about the non-kissing situation. That's so hard. Where would you go on Friday? Is it possible to not get in a situation where you have to kiss or tell him no thanks?

Good luck with VB guy - sounds interesting.

NCshopper · Hermes

I would think that since you haven't e-mailed him back yet and told him you didn't want to kiss him, that he would assume that you weren't interested in him like that. But guys can be kind of dense about these things, so you may have to be a little more direct with him. I like the idea of doing something non "datey" or you could do something like see a totally "friend" movie like the 40 Year Old Virgin or Wedding Crashers, but I certainly wouldn't do a romantic movie or anything like a candle-lit dinner. Unfortunately, you're in a tough situation because you don't want to be rude about it and totally turn him off, but you don't want to lead him on either. See if you can get a group of friends together and ask him if he wants to join you guys. Hopefully enough subtle clues should give this guy the idea that you like his company, but don't want to date him.

Karina · Chanel

If you really value him as a friend, and want to continue a friendly relationship with him - hang out with him.. but if you see that he is trying to put the moves on you, put a quick stop to that and let him know that you are not interested in him "like that".

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

crystal wrote:

i think the BEST & most time tested way to make sure a guy knows u just want to be friends is to talk about other guys in front of him & get him to talk about other girls. talk about viginia beach boy & ask him if he's seeing anyone. that will be a clear sign to him that you think of him as a friend! it works, trust me!!

totally true... have had this confirmed multiple times by guys moaning about being stuck in the "friend zone." They think things are all good until you bring up another guy, and then they know what that means.