STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

halleybird · Hermes

Under what circumstance...

Meow · Coach

Don't you just love people like that?!?! I have no idea what is going through their minds.

I know how those comments make you feel because several years ago, I was weighing 10 pounds more than I do now, and this lady said "that weight looks good on you, but don't get fat." I felt like slapping her. About this same time it started going around town that I was 6 months pregnant.

Then another time (although this was not directed at me) my step-grandmother said to my cousin who she had not seen in awhile "You are getting so fat!" I almost choked on the food I was eating.

I have seen pictures you have posted of your outfits and you are thin and have a great body. I would love to have your legs.

-- Edited by Meow at 21:37, 2005-08-12

Maddie · Coach

Ummm maybe if you were a recovering anorexic and I was a close friend?
That's completely ridiculous. I NEVER comment on people's weight (or eating). I'll say anything, but I think that's a subject you just shouldn't touch.

NCshopper · Hermes

Under no circumstance is that appropriate. Ever. Telling someone that they've gained weight is just not okay.

I also don't like it when someone says "You've lost weight. You look great." (Not that anyone tells me this, but I won't say it to anyone and I don't like it when I overhear it.) I think it implies that you didn't look good when you were heavier.

I think comments about weight are only for GOOD friends and the friend has to bring it up first. Otherwise it's best just to not say anything at all.

laken1 · Hermes

Maddie wrote:

Ummm maybe if you were a recovering anorexic and I was a close friend?
That's completely ridiculous. I NEVER comment on people's weight (or eating). I'll say anything, but I think that's a subject you just shouldn't touch.

I was thinking this MIGHT be ok until I thought about that new show "Starved" (which i think is both disturbing but hysterical but I also don't have an eating disorder & if i did i probably wouldn't think it was funny).

Never is the answer, she is also insane cause i have seen your posts too & you look great - i'd kill for your body.

atlgirl · Gucci

Personally, I'd guess that these people are jealous of your...um, lack of being overweight? I don't know how to put that any better LOL. You have the type of body (long, lean) that many women would kill to have. I know you've commented that you don't like your legs - and I have no doubt that pants length is a constant nightmare - but you are on the thinner side (not in a bad, too-skinny way by any means), and I think those comments are just made out of jealousy.

I say, "screw 'em". They are just unhappy because they don't look like you. *s*

FashionPrincess · Hermes

I agree, they're just jealous that you're hot and stylish and they aren't

Seriously though, it sounds like they don't have very good self esteems and feel the need to tear others down to make themselves feel better. Growing up I was very, very skinny (like boney skinny) and one of my "best" friends (I use that term a little loosely) was overweight and she use to say the meanest things about me having a pouchy gut, etc. It made me seriously self conscience, but then I realized it was just to make her feel better about herself. Anyway, strut your stuff and let them think and say what they want!

sage · Dooney & Bourke

This is one of those backhanded compliments that mean spirited women are famous for. It is a compliment wrapped in envy. I know you look great, halleybird, I have seen your posts. And the person who said this knows you look great too. And...she knows you are a nice person who won't say "What the hell does that mean exactly??". My sister has lost a lot of weight recently, to me she looked beautiful before and she does now. But people at her job(women)just will not stop commenting on her weight, what she eats, what she doesn't eat, they tell her she is too skinny. It is all about the green eyed monster.

poptart · Coach

atlgirl wrote:

Personally, I'd guess that these people are jealous of your...um, lack of being overweight?

I agree. The first thing I thought when I read your thread was "Hmmm. Insensitive people at Halleybird's work are jealous of her figure." Meanies.

I think, in general, that the subject of weight should be avoided. Even when a close friend has lost weight, I tell her "You look great!" not "You look great having lost some weight!"

Edited b/c I'm feeling nicer today.

-- Edited by Lisa at 15:14, 2005-08-14

kenzie · Chanel

Ew. It's never okay. What the hell is wrong with people?

jen · Kate Spade

When I was shopping at Windsor before this girl working there said "Wow, those pants look really good on you. They don't look good on me because I'm skinny." I was like okayyyyyyy.

needsfashionadvice · Kate Spade

The ONLY time it would be okay to say something like that is if you were trying to gain weight. My husband is very skinny and trying to gain weight so we celebrate whenever he gains :)

Unless you had told her that you gained weight over the summer, I think it was very rude of her to say that.

tara t · Marc Jacobs

my mean grandma tells me every year around christmas " you're gaining weight"

but hallybird, that is not okay especially for a coworker to say that. ick.

tell him his head looks smaller, his brain must be shrinking.

halleybird · Hermes

Thanks, you guys -- I appreciate your support. Neither of these women have ever really been "catty" to me, but they are both older and both overweight, so maybe that's where it is coming from.

I was just raised to never comment on someone's weight or age (which I also get at work -- people who say, "Wow, you look really young for your age." Which would be nice if I was 50, but at 25, working at a high school, it's not that great. I mean, I would never say, "You look old for your age.").

But I digress. Moving on. I did weigh myself (I don't own a scale, but I found one) and I did gain about 5 lbs this summer, thanks to the heat and not working. So maybe she did mean it as a compliment. Who knows!

ayo · Coach

Under no circumstance whatever is that ok to say...

people are so ridiculous..

After I got married last year...I did (admittedly) put on a significant amount of weight..mainly because I was on Depo (aka the demon of all birth control) and I was packing those pounds on quicker than I could blink

I can't tell you how many people asked if I was expecting.

If I could have knocked them upside of the head I would have!

Fortunately I started training for the marine corp marathon and I lost all the post wedding weight plus a little more...

Anyway...you look great with or without the 5 pounds, ignore those fools.

-- Edited by ayo at 12:22, 2005-08-16

Andrea Julia · Coach

Um...under no circumstances!!!! I hate compliments that aren't true compliments because they leave you feeling a little insulted (is backhanded compliment the correct term?). It sounds like a jealousy thing to me, otherwise she would have just told you you looked pretty. It's like she coudn't just let go and give you a true compliment like that.

The pregnancy thing was very ignorant, too. Maybe she just thought that was the next step since you just got married was pregnancy so she was fishing for you to tell her. Whatever the reason, I was always taught that you never ask someone in any way if they are pregnant. I think it is safer anyway to just wait for the announcement even if you are like 99.9% sure they are pregnant.