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hotcocoa


Kate Spade

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deadbeat neighbor? (a bit long)
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i need a bit of advice... or maybe i just need to post this and get it off my chest as a rant:

i have a neighbor that lives 2 houses down from us. she is married and has 2 kids. her son is the same age as my son and her daughter is a tiny bit older. she moved in about a year and a half ago and since we've signed our kids up for a few classes together but i've recently realized that each and every time that we do get together to do something it is ME that initiates the call and comes up with an idea and it's usually me inviting her and her kids over to our house to play or swim or go to the zoo etc. in fact, she has never once called me with an idea to do something and we've never been invited to her house.

i'm getting a little tired of it. i love having people over, but it's also nice when someone returns the favor and in turn gives me a little break from 3 kids turning the house upside down with toys or grilling hotdogs for lunch when they come by for a swim. i keep telling myself, "just don't invite them over anymore", but i can't. it's not about me, it's about my son having a good time with his friends next door.

at the beginning of the summer we thought it would be fun for our two families to get together one evening on the weekend and grill so the adults could talk and the kids could play. i'm pretty non-confrontational, so i don't think i will say anything to her about it, but i'm wondering if there are any hints i can drop to let her know that it'd be nice if she were the one to plan this bbq, since she keeps "reminding" me about it and i'm kind of tired of being the hostess ALL the time.

or am i over-reacting?



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Tati


Chanel

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does she have a pool too? wonder if she thinks your kids would be bored at her house if you have a pool and she dosen't right now that its summer. Or maybe shes like me, I'm one of those few people that dont care to have company over. it may sound real mean, not like I dont like people, I do! my husband loves to invite and have get togethers and I could care less. sometimes I even have to talk him out of it, I just like it to be me and my family. but in your case, I would definately invite you over here and there and of course the kids would be allowed over to play. I just moved into a very friendly neighborhood, where the women all know each other very well, have had dinners at each others house etc. but both my husband and I try not to get too involved. like I said before, my husband is one of those that loves friends and family over but for some reason when it comes to our neighbors, he wants to play it safe and not get too involved. My kids play with the neighbors right in front of our house and I get along with the mom good so far. I dont know her too well though. come to think of it, shes been in my house 3 times already and I've never been to hers.... how'd that happen?!


well I dont know if I helped much, I dont think I did... sorry!



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crystal


Kate Spade

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maybe next time she "reminds" you about the party, just be like "oh ya, when did u want me to come over & help you plan it.. should it be a potluck?  i can bring potato salad!"  stuff like that where u just assume she is hosting it, innocently...   if it's already been established that ur the host, maybe u could come up w/ some reason why she should host it, like "oh you know what, i've totally been hogging the kids this summer.  why don't we have this party at your place... i'll still help cook & plan, of course!"  HTH, good luck!

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poptart


Coach

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I might not be the person to offer advice, since I'm pretty direct, but if I were you, next time she asked about the bbq, I would say 'You know, I totally want to have the bbq. It sounds really fun, and I would enjoy the chance to spend time with you and [insert husband's name here] since our kids spend so much time together, but I am so overwhelmed with [insert important-sounding task/project here]. Would you possibly be able to plan it and just let me know what I can bring or do to help? I would really appreciate that!"


That way, you'd accomplish the goal of hinting that you never see *her* - only her kids, and hopefully get her to plan the thing.



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hotcocoa


Kate Spade

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no, she doesn't have a pool, but there is no way that my son would be bored at their house... and she knows that. they have a huge playset (swings/slide/climbing stuff) that my son ADORES! i guess i just don't understand what's so hard about her picking up the phone and calling me to see if we'd like to come over and swing for a bit. (???) the other thing is that she and the kids are hardly ever outside so it's always this awkward phone call that i'm making... "hey ______, if you guys aren't busy c'mon over... we're outside playing in the sandbox..." and why the hell are you stuffed inside the house on a beautiful summer's day anyway?

well, maybe you're right and she just doesn't like company. i dunno, i find it odd that she keeps saying that she'll have to have us over one day, or we'll have to do this or that... but the invitation never comes. but i'm with you too, tati... my husband and i, for the most part, are pretty private people and we keep to ourselves. it's just this one situation... errrrrrrr!


Tati wrote:
does she have a pool too? wonder if she thinks your kids would be bored at her house if you have a pool and she dosen't right now that its summer. Or maybe shes like me, I'm one of those few people that dont care to have company over.



-- Edited by hotcocoa at 14:29, 2005-07-21

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laken1


Hermes

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I'm assuming you've been IN her house? I'm wondering if she's embarrassed because you have nicer furniture or window treatments or decor than her? Maybe your a great hostess & she's insecure about it? I know that sounds silly, but some people just get freaked out on putting together even a casual gathering - especially since she's seen you do it & may think you can do it with little or no effort? I know for me we have some friends and we always go to there house, but they have a child & we don't, plus their house is set up better for having people over so we always migrate to them. Come to think of it, it never occurred to me that they might want to come here sometimes - of course we always bring a dish or drinks or chip in if we order out. And their house is WAY nicer than ours. Just a thought...




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MissMee


Kate Spade

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Most of the people I know are like that, too.  I always start to get self-conscious like maybe I'm a weirdo or something.  I don't have advice, sorry to say, but maybe her house is messy or something.  Or maybe she just doesn't think about it.  I suppose you could just say something like, "My house is a wreck.  Do you think it would be ok for us to come play on your swingset today?"

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Tati


Chanel

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laken1 wrote:

I'm assuming you've been IN her house? I'm wondering if she's embarrassed because you have nicer furniture or window treatments or decor than her? Maybe your a great hostess & she's insecure about it? I know that sounds silly, but some people just get freaked out on putting together even a casual gathering - especially since she's seen you do it & may think you can do it with little or no effort? I know for me we have some friends and we always go to there house, but they have a child & we don't, plus their house is set up better for having people over so we always migrate to them. Come to think of it, it never occurred to me that they might want to come here sometimes - of course we always bring a dish or drinks or chip in if we order out. And their house is WAY nicer than ours. Just a thought...


 


this might be true. I'm a bit embarrased to invite people over too because I dont have my house full of everything I want yet. I have 2 living rooms and one has nothing in it at all and the family room only has a sofa and rocking chair in it......


when my husband wants to invite a lot of people over I always have to remind him that we wont be able to sit everyone, so we invite a little at a time some weekends.


or maybe its her husband that has issues?



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