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Luv2Shop


Kate Spade

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MIL problems
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OK, I love my in-laws to death, but here is my problem.
My MIL is EXTREMELY OVERDRAMATIC about pretty much everything in life. She complains about everything. She is very sentsitive and doesn't have many "girlfriends" because of this reason. She keeps telling my husband that I hate her. I do not hate her!!!! Whenever we go over there I always talk to her! Actually it isn't really talking it's listening to her complain about WHATEVER she can find to complain about at the time. My husband and I are in the process of buying a house and live with my parents for the time being. My mom is the exact opposite! She is my best friend and always has been. My husband and I love being with my parents because they are more like friends then parents. We cook and hand out with them a lot and I think this makes my MIL really jealous. My husband also has a really great relationship with both my parents and they talk a lot reguardless of if we are living there.

My hubby wants me to start calling my MIL to chat. I just can't fathom doing this. I feel like it would be awkward and all she would do is complain about her job and the job that she used to have!! (this is her favorite thing to complain about and I could care less). I don't believe in calling someone and chatting unless you have a topic to talk about anyway. We really don't have much in common either. Me and my mom are girly girls who love shopping and chick flicks.

When we do go over there for dinner and stuff she complains about work and just talks about such boring stuff. I do like them , they are good people! What can I do to make it seem like I like her without having to make weekly phone calls to her to talk about nothing?

P.S. I know her telling my hubby that she thinks I hate her is a way for her to get sympathy and more attention from him, but he just sees right past it and is trying to punish me for NOTHING! I am so nice to her!

What can I do? Sorry so long, but this is the rest of my life people!

-- Edited by Luv2Shop at 14:33, 2005-07-11

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JoceyBaby23


Gucci

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Posts: 2744
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I have no advice for you especially since myself nor my husband has talked to his parents since February. They did not even attend our wedding this spring.


My in-laws behave this way only a million times worse.


People can be so selfish. I hate it when they complain and exaggerate (sp)  just to get attention. I feel like yelling GROW UP!


I really dont think you can accommidate your MILs every need. If you start to try, she will only continue to ask for more and more.


I wish you luck! Let us know how you handle it!



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halleybird


Hermes

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Posts: 6400
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I know how you feel -- my MIL is great, but my SIL is so irritating. She is so self-centered, and can't handle talking about anything but her and her kids. She also finds constant, tiny ways to belittle me (you know...the sort of thing other people don't notice, but you do, because they're always directed at you?)


Anyway, my husband and I have a deal -- when I do spend time with her, I have to be very nice and put up with it. BUT, I only have to hang out with them once a month or so. This helps a LOT, and I find that I am not so irritated by her behavior when I see her only occasionally. Maybe you could do something like that. Call her, but only once or twice a month? I don't know, but I feel for you.



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Maven


BCBG

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Here's a couple of ideas to try. DH used to do this when he was with my Mom--a world class martyr in her day. He would listen and then try to grab on to anything positive she might say and use it to change the subject or give her a pat on the back. "Wow--what a difficult situation you had at work today. You really handled that well, blah blah."

Another idea is to ask questions about her growing up years, her early married life. I would advise you to plan ahead and figure out some safe topics that you think you could listen to. If she has some interest or talent, perhaps you could ask about it and get away from the complaining. Ask her advice about something (remember you don't have to take it.) In other words, flatter her a bit. If you think this seems manipulative, just remember it's for a good cause--your long-term relationship with your in-laws.

My sympathies are with you. I have never had anything at all in common with my own MIL. When we were newly married, we would visit them and DH would slip away with his Dad and leave me with this crazy woman. I wanted to scream. She drives DH nuts too. Fortunately we eventually moved far enough away that we could keep the visits to once every year or so.

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