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Post Info TOPIC: I think I'm a bad person...*update*
kenzie


Chanel

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I think I'm a bad person...*update*
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So, all of you know all of the troubles that I've been having with my bf. Well, I have this one friend, who we'll call J.  I met him through one of my best friends and now there is a whole group of us that hang out. 


J and I clicked from the minute we met (even though I was still with my bf).  J also knows all of the issues that I've been having with my bf and is on the 'dump him' bandwagon (as are all of my other friends).  So, anyway, last night we all went to dinner and a movie and then everyone went backk to J's house to hang out.  J and I spent most of the time on the front porch by ourselves just talking.  I am finding myself more and more drawn to him and the feeling is obviously mutual.  Nothing physical happened last night, but I feel like we are emotionally crossing the line (seeing as I still have not officially broken it off with my bf).  So, now I feel really guilty.  J and his roommate are having a bbq tonight at their house and my bf was supposed to come home from the beach and go along with me.  But I really just want to go and hang out with J (especially after my bf left me high and dry this weekend to go to the beach with the frat boys). 


So, I think that I am going to go to the party without my bf.  I just feel like a sh*thead for it. I do plan to tell my bf when he gets home today that we need to take a break (I don't know whether it will be permanent or temporary).  I'm planning to stay with my friend, M, for a week or so to get away from the bf.  I just feel really guilty for having feelings for someone else so soon. 

I'm not really sure what I'm asking or saying. I'm not sure if any of this post made sense. I think I just needed to vent.  Opinions welcome.  Thanks for listening. 


   


*Update*


Well, my bf got home last night before I left for the party.  I decided to talk to him about things before I left.  Basically, I told him that he's hurt me repeatedly and I need some space and time away from him.  So we are broken up right now and I'm pretty sure it will be a permanent breakup.


As far as J, I went to the party last night and spent alot of time with him.  I told him what I had told my bf and of course, he was glad b/c, a) he didn't like the way I was being treated and, b) he told me that he has feelings for me.  I had a great time with him last night (and at the party in general).  Everyone is getting together again tonight to go see fireworks somewhere.  It's just a difficult situation and I don't want to jump right into anything right away and J is fine with that (he told me that he's been waiting since March for me to break up with the bf, so he's fine waiting a little while longer to see what happens).  I'll keep you posted.


 



-- Edited by NylaBelle at 12:38, 2005-07-04

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Andrea Julia


Coach

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RE: I think I'm a bad person...
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Well, I am admittedly a HORRIBLE person, but I would go to the barbecue and find some way for my boyfriend not to go to the barbecue.  I would want to see what would happen with this guy without having the boyfriend I'm not even sure if I want to be with anymore around.  I'm not saying I would hook up with him, but I would just want to have a chance to talk to him some more. 

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kenzie


Chanel

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Andrea Julia wrote:

Well, I am admittedly a HORRIBLE person...

Teehee!! This comment made me giggle. 


I really feel sick to my stomach right now.  I just don't even want to see my bf today.  I want to leave the house before he gets home b/c I feel like if I'm here when he gets home, I'll cave and let him come to the party with me.  Of course, I could always do what he did to me and make him drive home from the beach, thinking that he's coming to the party and then tell him that my friends don't want him there (they really don't--they're ready to beat him up!) and that he's not allowed to go now.  I feel sick.  This sucks.


I definitely want to spend more time with J, but I feel really guilty.  I need to break things off with my bf, but I don't want to spoil my fun today by dealing with a breakup.  I know I sound awful.  I'm really not that bad of a person (usually).



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blubirde


Chanel

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You're not a bad person. I'm generally against overlapping relationships but sometimes when two people spend a lot of time growing apart, it takes someone special to see that being with someone is supposed to be a good thing, not the negative ugly thing going on presently. Does that make any kind of sense?

Basically you and your bf have been having a lot of problems (and admittedly from what you post I think he's a big 'ole jerk) and you've probably been hesitant to "take time" or break up or whatever it is you want to do. If J makes you feel good about yourself and happy and makes it easier for you to take the step you've been hesitant to take then that's probably a good thing, don't you think?

I hope everything works out - keep us posted!

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lynnie


Chanel

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blubirde wrote:

You're not a bad person. I'm generally against overlapping relationships but sometimes when two people spend a lot of time growing apart, it takes someone special to see that being with someone is supposed to be a good thing, not the negative ugly thing going on presently. Does that make any kind of sense? Basically you and your bf have been having a lot of problems (and admittedly from what you post I think he's a big 'ole jerk) and you've probably been hesitant to "take time" or break up or whatever it is you want to do. If J makes you feel good about yourself and happy and makes it easier for you to take the step you've been hesitant to take then that's probably a good thing, don't you think? I hope everything works out - keep us posted!


ITA.  I think it is different to have feelings so fast in this situation, because for a while you've been questioning your relationship and your bf has been pulling some shady moves.  He did go to the beach without you?  Ugh.  But at least you're meeting someone who wants to see you treated well.  That's a good thing.  I think you should be selfish tonight- and do whatever you want to do.  Don't leave a note and turn off your phone if you need to.  Maybe even leave a message saying you'll be at your parents or something.  Have fun, and then talk to him about it later.  Don't do anything physical though- even if you don't care about hurting your bf, you don't want the new guy to think that you would cheat on a bf. 



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poptart


Coach

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I agree with Lynnie 100% -- at this point, it doesn't sound to me like your bf deserves your consideration, but I would maintain your own integrity by not getting physical. If nothing else, that isn't the way to start things off with J --

Keep us updated.

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jacL


Coach

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RE: I think I'm a bad person...*update*
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Nylabelle,


I think breaking up with your BF was a good idea.  I know the things you posted about him were probably the worst things, but even still, no matter how well he can treat you otherwise, he needs to respect you all the time to be deserving of you.  As for the new guy, it sounds like it could turn into something serious, so don't jump into anything yet.  Give it some time before getting too serious.  He is willing to wait--sounds like a good guy!



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JoceyBaby23


Gucci

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How did you bf take the news?


I would just like to say: I am FIRM believer in the statement - Nothing helps you get over the last one, like the next one.


If J is what you need to take your mind off things and help you move on, then spend every minute with him, if you ask me!



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kenzie


Chanel

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JoceyBaby23 wrote:

How did you bf take the news? I would just like to say: I am FIRM believer in the statement - Nothing helps you get over the last one, like the next one. If J is what you need to take your mind off things and help you move on, then spend every minute with him, if you ask me!

Your post made me smile.  Yeah, when I'm with J, the last thing I'm thinking about is the ex!


As far as how my bf took the news...not too well.  He's a bit of a mess, but he brought it on himself.  I gave him fair warning that if he went to the beach, that it was over.  Did he think that I was kidding?   He's just moping around the house and I caught him sitting on the back porch crying yesterday.  Maybe he'll learn from this and not treat his next girlfriend like crap.  Or maybe not.



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blubirde


Chanel

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Wow, Nylabelle, I can't believe you did it! You are the ST woman of the day, imo. It's really brave of you to breakup with the bf while you still live there. He totally deserves it though. I know you always said you only posted the worst things about him but those were really bad things. You are such a great person and you deserve sooooo much more. Good thing you have J to take your mind off the ex. Just don't forget to do some important self-reflection. You don't want to be the person who never gave herself the time to get over something and then a few months down the road, is going through something everyone else is already over and done with.


You deserve to be happy and I hope this step helps you get there. Good for you!



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atlgirl


Gucci

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Yay, yay, yay!! Good on you for standing firm and having the courage to cut him loose. You deserve better. And yeah...you *did* give him fair warning when he went to the beach.

Now...I know it's early... but what are y'all going to do about the living situation??

I'm really, really happy for you.



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kenzie


Chanel

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atlgirl wrote:

 Now...I know it's early... but what are y'all going to do about the living situation??
Well, he's planning to put the house up for sale within the month, so I'm going to start looking for a new place.  I'm hoping to find my own place, but I might end up with a roommate.  I'll keep you posted.

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blubirde


Chanel

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roommates are fun! especially if it's someone new that can help you meet new people and experience new things.


of course, sometimes they suck too. but a roommate might be just the thing to distract you enough to keep busy so you don't have to think about the boy.



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sfcaligirl


Dooney & Bourke

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yay, nylabelle!  i think you made a really good decision.  good luck!  (and i agree with the others who advised you to not rush into a relationship with this new guy...just enjoy getting to know him.  he sounds really sweet!)

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sephorablue


Marc Jacobs

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nylabelle, so glad to hear you broke up with the BF. The things you posted about were really, really terrible, far worse than the "my BF was an inconsiderate jerk but I know it's not ultimately a big deal" complaints we all make. and so happy to hear you have a new guy in the picture who sounds like he's really looking out for you!

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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this is great news, nylabelle!  good for you for standing up for yourself and making this positive change in your life!  i predict that within a very short period of time after you move out, you will experience a big sense of relief and happiness.  also, it sounds like J is a really great guy.  if he's been waiting for you since march he can stand to wait some more, and he must have strong feelings for you.  way to go!

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halleybird


Hermes

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I am sorry that your (ex)BF was so stupid, but I am so proud of you for making a difficult but positive change!

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