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Post Info TOPIC: Does Anyone Else's SO Travel for Work?
shopgirl82


Chanel

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Does Anyone Else's SO Travel for Work?
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i think i just need to vent.  and ask some advice.  i'm just super sad, annoyed, worried, etc...


my bf works for a company where he may have to travel for work.  the three years that i dated him, before i moved here, he would occassionally go out of town to meet with clients.  well, in the last almost year that i have lived here, he has travelled for work almost the entire year.  he basically comes home on weekends, and then leaves for the week.  he goes all over the place.  to nyc, to small town il, etc...  since i work in a hospital, i'm required to work weekends too.  so a lot of time our schedules clash.  so this morning he asked me if i wanted to go to some cubs games (weekday night ) that we were planning on going to together.  so, i was confused and said, what will you be doing?  he says, "now i'm in a project in MN next week, GA after that, and CA, the week after that".  ummm, he was supposed to be on a project in chicago for a while.  this has happened so many times where he will say that he'll be in chicago for a couple of weeks, then he will be put on a project.  it's getting so frustrating for me.  it's hard enough moving to a new city, but to be alone the whole time sucks.  it's nice that i have friends here, etc.., but i feel like i saw him more when we were dating long distance.  the thing is, he's pretty good about staying sunday night, and leaving first thing in the morning on monday, and spending the whole weekend with me, when we can, but it just gets lonely, especially coming from the college environment. 


i can't really say anything because it's for his job, and he doesn't make me pay mortage (i put that money into an investment account for our vacation home).  but i get so annoyed, especially when my hopes get up that he will be around for a couple of weeks.  he is a really hard worker, and will most likely be up for a promotion next year.  usually they promote after three years, but he is at his second year and he is constantly working with the partners.  so this may end in a year, or it may last a whole more year.  which i don't think i can take. 


my dad is a dentist, so he's always made his own schedule, gone to our sporting events, etc...  i know i am jumping the gun, but what about if we have kids together?  i would feel like lynette on desperate housewives!  agghhhh.  i know i'm ahead of things, but i just get so sick of doing the long distance thing over again.  


thanks for letting me vent.  any advice would be much encouraged, as i'm just having a really crappy day right now. 



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"i tell you one lesson I learned If you want to be something in life, You ain't gonna get it unless, You give a little bit of sacrifice, Oohh, sometimes before you smile you got to cry.." -The Roots
Collette


Chanel

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I totally understand, my FH travels for work as well. Just not as much as your SO it seems. What's worse is when he travels it's more for entertaining clients so when he's out of town he goes to sporting events, concerts, great clubs bars resteraunts etc and I'm sitting at home bored while he is out partying on the company's money. It sucks. I know it's for work too but it still sucks. If you ever need to vent just IM me, I feel your pain.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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my SO doesn't travel for work, but my father does and always has, so what you said about "what if we ever have children" struck a chord with me.  first, i will tell you the good news: despite my dad's super demanding career and seemingly endless travel, he and my mom are still in love and happy together after being married for over 35 years.  plus, i have a great relationship with my dad (and my mom too); my brother isn't as close with him, but i think that is more due to personality difference than anything else.  on the whole, as a family we were very happy (i say were because my bro and i have both grown up and moved out) and we're all still very close and talk all the time.


the more difficult news: being in a relationship with a man who travels for work all the time while you stay at home is not easy, as you already know.  it took my mom a long time to get used to it, and she still gets sad about it sometimes.  she says his attention is always being taken from her and she feels like all these other people want things from him all the time.  what made it work, and what will help with your relationship, is my dad has absolutely made his family the priority when he's at home, and it sounds as though your SO makes you his priority when he's home too.  when he was younger my dad would come home after being away and then go out with his friends, which definitely did not make my mom happy!  but he changed, and realized his family was what mattered, and i am sure it saved their relationship.  he still has friends and does things with them, but now his friends are more family-minded guys like he is (and not drunk middle aged idiots like before, but that's another story entirely...)


my mother also had to make a point of forming a life without my dad.  this was also not easy, especially as she is a shy person.  now she has a great group of friends and it made all the difference in the world.  i should also add that my mother does not work.  this has good and bad points to it: she has no scheduling conflicts, but part of her regrets that she didn't do a lot of things she wanted to.  now she is taking classes for her interests (all art) but it's not the same.  my dad is aware that he owes a lot to my mom's decision to make him and us, the kids, her priority. 


so, my advice to you is this: there aren't any easy answers, and this relationship is going to need some compromises (and they all do anyway; i think it just depends on the level and issues on which we need to compromise).  is this the man you really want to be with?  it sounds like he is, so that brings you to other things.  can you accept that he has a demanding career that takes him away, and can you form a satisfying life for yourself that may not always include him since he has to travel so much?  i think it's really important that you do that -- it sounds like you are working on it and that is great!  it will help you so much.  i know moving to a new city is hard but with time you'll soon be flooded with new friends and invitations, don't worry.  more questions to think about: does he love his career (i.e., is this worth it to him)?  how long does he think it will go on?  is he going to put you and his family first when he's at home?


as i said, it took my mom a while to get used to my dad's schedule, but she did, so don't worry.  this isn't a hopeless situation.   i really believe that when you have found the right person, these compromises are worth it.


edit: is there any chance you could go on some of these business trips?  that can actually be fun.  my mom does that sometimes and my brother and i have too.  if he's involved with clients, like entertaining clients or vice versa, you can end up doing some really fun things.



-- Edited by scarlett at 13:26, 2005-06-09

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Cricket


Gucci

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Yeah, I hear you.  My husband is a fighter pilot in the USAF and he USED to travel for work constantly.  Not so much now, because he's an instructor ( although next week he leaves for 10 days in Florida, but that's rare now).  When we lived overseas, he was gone about 6-8 months out of the year, average.  He only had one long deployment (3 months to Kuwait), but most of the time it was 2 weeks here, a week there, 2 months in VEGAS while I'm home w/ 2 small children.  I could go on and on.  I just know it sucks sometimes.  He was gone a lot before we had children, too, and I did get bored .  And jealous.  I've always been a little jealous.  He's jet-setting all over (literally), while I'm at home w/ the "hum-drum" day to day life.  It doesn't sound like it from all my bitching, but I've gotten used to it, and it's easier to deal w/ now.  He went on these trips, called "TDY"s in the military to places like England, Ireland, Belgium, Spain, Iceland, Portugal, Slovenia, Croatia and back to the states.  They'd fly a little in the daytime (or not at all) and whoop in up, kid-free, at night.  A lot of the time they worked VERY hard, but I was still jealous of the excitement of it all. 


My situation is a little different w/ kids, but a lot of my  Air Force friends who are married  w/o children, get out of the house.  Go to the movies, or rent chick-flicks at home that he won't watch w/ you.  Go to the gym every night.  Just getting out of the house helps when you're feeling down about him being gone.  I agree w/ Scarlett.  You kind of have to form 2 separate lives.  It takes awhile, but pretty soon you'll get used to it and it will be easier.  Once I decided to quit moping, it was a lot easier to deal with. 


I hope I've helped.  It helps *ME* to get it all out once in awhile.  I'm PMSing too, so I had to force myself from ranting and raving, because I know it's hard.  Hang in there!



-- Edited by Cricket at 17:35, 2005-06-09

-- Edited by Cricket at 13:56, 2005-06-14

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atlgirl


Gucci

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Kudos to you, Cricket, for making your peace with the travel and the jealousy...and the military pay and housing!! I couldn't do it...but I'm glad you are able to come to terms with it (mostly) and support your husband. Please give him a big "Thank you" from me for doing what he does.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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Wow, Cricket, I agree -- kudos to you!  Your husband is lucky to have such a strong, supportive wife.  And what a great mom you must be as well.  I've always been a little jealous too, and know I'd have a hard time with that.  So is your husband sick of "Top Gun" jokes? 



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shopgirl82


Chanel

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did i neglect to mention the constant friday night "dates" that have been cancelled due to late flights?  grrr.  we were supposed to go to the chicago blues fest and dinner tonight...instead, his flight doesn't get in till 9pm (it was supposed to get in at 5pm).  fan-fucking-tastic!!!  i specifically didn't make plans with my gfs because of it!!!



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"i tell you one lesson I learned If you want to be something in life, You ain't gonna get it unless, You give a little bit of sacrifice, Oohh, sometimes before you smile you got to cry.." -The Roots
Cricket


Gucci

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  You girls are so sweet.  Thanks for the kind words.


 


Shopgirl82, how are you?  Having a better day?


 


OOPS- Shopgirl, we just posted at the same time.  Guess you're not having a good day.  That sucks.  I would be plenty pissed off too!  Maybe you can catch up w/ a girlfriend and talk over drinks or something? 



-- Edited by Cricket at 17:00, 2005-06-10

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shopgirl82


Chanel

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Cricket wrote:

  Shopgirl82, how are you?  Having a better day?

thanks.  the rest of the week was going great until a bunch of bombshells tonight.  i took his car to get some things fixed so we could drive 4 hours to my parents for my sister's graduation party, well, they need to order something, so i am finding a place to rent a car (most sold out) so we can't leave till 9 am when they open tomorrow (we'll be a bit late for the party) .  and now our night out together is cancelled because of his late flight.  i know i shouldn't complain, but i'm just sick of his work schedule.  next weekend i have work so i won't see him. 


thanks for asking, though.  it's just a bad right now, i'm not always crabby i swear!!!!


you must be so proud of your man!  gotta love a man in uniform!



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"i tell you one lesson I learned If you want to be something in life, You ain't gonna get it unless, You give a little bit of sacrifice, Oohh, sometimes before you smile you got to cry.." -The Roots
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Hermes

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shopgirl - call your girlfriends and go to Blues Fest w/them tonight!  My boyfriend and I are going..you can come hang w/us - LOL.  Hang in there...I'm sorry you're having a crappy day.

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