STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

email friend rant

bumblebee · Dooney & Bourke

ew. i'm over smug parents who think the only thing that matters in the universe is their children. karma will come right back around to them when you are just beginning to have kids/house/whatever it is you want in life and they have just entered the stage where their little teenage darlings think that they are embarrassing and don't speak to them.

hotcocoa · Kate Spade

gosh, i'm sorry to hear that your friends haven't replied back. that kinda stinks.

i AM one of those parents that occassionaly sends out a photo of my son to friends that live far away and i don't see too often. i do not expect a reply. it's sort of a "here's what we've been up to with photos" e.mail just to keep in touch. i also recieve them from friends... both friends with kids AND friends with pets like yourself. sometimes i reply, with a "how sweet" or "how cute", but not always... it just depends. my extra silly girlfriend has a dog and a cat that she dressed up in ridiculous halloween costumes last year and send and e.mail. now THAT deserved a reply. some of my girlfriends send photos of thier kids on every holiday to which i hardly ever reply. i don't think it's a "wierd parent thing" as you put it.

i think you should post pics of your new dog on this board. we will ALL reply with excitement for you!

Andrea Julia · Coach

I think you should give them one more chance. Wait a week or two and send some more pictures and see if they respond. If not, you should probably let them know you feel hurt.

dc · Dooney & Bourke

I don't know if it's a parent thing, but it certainly is a rude thing. Nothing ticks me off more than putting an effort into a personal email (not something like a mass email announcing an address change) and people not responding: I feel like I put an effort into sending them an email, nobody is so busy that they can't take a second to respond. Blah.

Of course, if I were really annoyed and it were a close friend, I'd probably forward it again with a note saying "oops! I don't know if you got this..." just to give them a nudge. Then they'd be forced to acknowledge their rudeness. Yes, probably not the nicest thing to do and possibly rude myself, but satisfying! If they don't answer then, they totally suck.

blink · Coach

I certainly do not send people tons of my baby's pics over email to people unless I know they are interested, but I do find it weird when some childless friends send me pictures of their animals. Sorry, I just don't see the comparison in dogs and people at all, I understand how some people think they really love their dogs like they would love their future children, but I can't get my head around it. I guess until you have kids you just won't get it either.

I will admit that since your friends are so eager to comment on baby pictures that it is surprising that your dog picture didn't get a reply. Even I would have sent a compliment of some sort. I don't think it's rude not to reply, it's an email, not a personal letter.

Drew · Gucci

I think they are being self absorbed. If you respond to all their kiddie emails, they certainly owe you a response when you send a picture of your new baby. I think I would do what dc advised and re send the email, specifically asking if they got the first one or not, since you didn't get a reply.

I'm kind of spiteful so if someone didn't respond to a picture I sent them and I always responded to thier pictures in the past, I wouldn't respond to their pictures anymore.

I want to see you new baby! Post here!

honey · Gucci

quote:
Originally posted by: lorelei
"I certainly do not send people tons of my baby's pics over email to people unless I know they are interested, but I do find it weird when some childless friends send me pictures of their animals. Sorry, I just don't see the comparison in dogs and people at all, I understand how some people think they really love their dogs like they would love their future children, but I can't get my head around it. I guess until you have kids you just won't get it either. I will admit that since your friends are so eager to comment on baby pictures that it is surprising that your dog picture didn't get a reply. Even I would have sent a compliment of some sort. I don't think it's rude not to reply, it's an email, not a personal letter."

this type of argument kind of upsets me. while i would never attempt to compare dogs to children, it really annoys me when parents feel morally superior to other people just by virtue of the fact that they're parents. yes, a dog is different from a person. but i thinks it's unfair to attempt to quantify love, especially when it's proven that people from really strong/deep attachments to their pets. is it the same as the love you feel/would feel for a child? i don't know b/c i don't have either, but that doesn't mean it can't be.

cc · Marc Jacobs

quote:
Originally posted by: honey
"
this type of argument kind of upsets me. while i would never attempt to compare dogs to children, it really annoys me when parents feel morally superior to other people just by virtue of the fact that they're parents. yes, a dog is different from a person. but i thinks it's unfair to attempt to quantify love, especially when it's proven that people from really strong/deep attachments to their pets. is it the same as the love you feel/would feel for a child? i don't know b/c i don't have either, but that doesn't mean it can't be. "

Seriously.

Elle · Hermes

Whether it's dogs/cats/children I don't think it really matters - people want share things that are important in their lives with the people that they care about. I think it's very rude for someone to email you with updates on their kids and expect you to care, but when you reciprocate with something that's important to you they can't give you the time of day.

I have to agree that I find the 'I'm superior b/c I have a child' thing a bit much, but then again most comments of the "Just you wait..." variety irk me. Kids are a huge deal that take up most if not all of a parents time, but there are other things in the world. I think Honey put it very well, so I won't try to say it any better.

I'd also be a bit wary of someone that has the time to put together a photo montage and cute poem about their child but not time to acknowledge the things that are important to their friends with a 2-second reply.

bumblebee · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: cc
" Seriously. "

ditto for me. constantly spamming your friends with pictures of your dog or cat is equally as bad as constantly spamming your friends with pictures of your child, i agree, but BC sent one picture, one time. she is not entitled to feel hurt that her friends ignored it because it was "only" a picture of a dog and not a human? that's pretty unkind.

and also--"childless"? i'm sure you didn't mean to be derogatory, but a lot of people take that word as a barely-concealed insult. FYI.

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: lorelei
"I certainly do not send people tons of my baby's pics over email to people unless I know they are interested, but I do find it weird when some childless friends send me pictures of their animals. Sorry, I just don't see the comparison in dogs and people at all, I understand how some people think they really love their dogs like they would love their future children, but I can't get my head around it. I guess until you have kids you just won't get it either. I will admit that since your friends are so eager to comment on baby pictures that it is surprising that your dog picture didn't get a reply. Even I would have sent a compliment of some sort. I don't think it's rude not to reply, it's an email, not a personal letter."

When I am friends with someone, I don't think it is "weird" for them to send pictures of anything that is important to them. I don't care if it is pictures of kids, dogs, vacations, a new car, a new couch, whatever-if a friend sends it, I would take the time to say something. If they send pictures frequently, I would write back every so often as BC does. Honestly, I am not personally interested in pictures of my friends' kids or pets doing what I consider everyday things, but I do understand that each of these events are important and beautiful in my friends' eyes so in this way, I am interested.

blink · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: bumblebee
and also--"childless"? i'm sure you didn't mean to be derogatory, but a lot of people take that word as a barely-concealed insult. FYI. "

Ah...sorry about that, I know better. I didn't take the time to think of a better description.

I have to say, I definitely do not equate spamming pictures of pets as pictures of ones own children, because I believe children more important to most people (even to my friends without children who profess to love my son and who also have dogs), however, I would not send pictures to someone who didn't share that sentiment anyway, so I guess I cannot relate to either the parents in this situation or to dog owners. I don't care who does or does not respond to my emailed pictures, whether a dog, baby, or whatever unless I am asking the recipient a specific question, I am just not sensitive about that sort of thing. So my point is, don't sweat it so much. And yes, if you do have kids someday and feel that new kind of love the way I do, you will probably understand and accept the new differences between peers this creates, sorry if anyone is sick of hearing that.

cc · Marc Jacobs

quote:
Originally posted by: lorelei
"
And yes, if you do have kids someday and feel that new kind of love the way I do, you will probably understand and accept the new differences between peers this creates,
sorry if anyone is sick of hearing that."

I hope all of my friends are barren so I won't have to understand and accept new differences between us when they start popping out kids and experiencing new kinds of love and we are no longer peers.

blink · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: cc
" I hope all of my friends are barren so I won't have to understand and accept new differences between us when they start popping out kids and experiencing new kinds of love and we are no longer peers."

That is a truly hurtful comment.

I don't know you but I am actually saddened to hear anyone say that. Life changes, things we all used to have in common change, but I am glad I have better friendships than that, friendships that aren't dependent on our lives staying exactly the same.

cc · Marc Jacobs

quote:
Originally posted by: lorelei
"That is a truly hurtful comment. I don't know you but I am actually saddened to hear anyone say that. Life changes, things we all used to have in common change, but I am glad I have better friendships than that, friendships that aren't dependent on our lives staying exactly the same."

First of all, I was obviously joking. But if my friends do have kids I certainly hope they won't be overcome by such a high and mighty attitude and come out with comments like "I guess until you have kids you just won't get it either."

Secondly, this was a thread about friends being rude and basic email etiquette and you infected it with some rather rude and belittling comments of your own about people who do not have children.

Maybe you didn't mean to come off that way, but I am obviously not the only one who felt like you were smug and judgmental.

bean · Kenneth Cole

quote:
Originally posted by: lorelei
"I certainly do not send people tons of my baby's pics over email to people unless I know they are interested, but I do find it weird when some childless friends send me pictures of their animals. Sorry, I just don't see the comparison in dogs and people at all, I understand how some people think they really love their dogs like they would love their future children, but I can't get my head around it. I guess until you have kids you just won't get it either. I will admit that since your friends are so eager to comment on baby pictures that it is surprising that your dog picture didn't get a reply. Even I would have sent a compliment of some sort. I don't think it's rude not to reply, it's an email, not a personal letter."

I'm gonna have to partially agree with lorelei on this one. I'm sorry, but there's no comparison with dogs and children. Who here would die for your dog or cat? Not me. I don't have kids, but I understand when people who have lost their child wish they had died instead.

However, I don't think BC was making a comparison between pets & kids, just the circumstance, and BC, I do think it's rude and just not very nice that these friends haven't reciprocated your kindness & thoughtfulness.

blink · Coach

very sorry for all. you have totally slammed me, cc, and I cannot defend myself.

and for my infection of this thread, I apologize to BrazenCanadian, I was just trying to explain a possible point of view that her friends with babies may or may not have. It's just an opinion, obviously not a popular one here.

bumblebee · Dooney & Bourke

hey lorelei--i did actually pick up from your original post that your main point was that you don't understand sending pics to people who don't really express interest in receiving them, whether they be dogs or babies. that's a totally reasonable position, and that was why i gave you the benefit of the doubt that maybe your response was just worded in a way that gave an impression that you didn't intend--anyway, i didn't think it was offensive.

however, i think the "someday when you have children you will understand" that was tacked onto the end was unneccessary and rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. it sounds condescending and made me feel like i did when my parents would tell me "someday when you are an adult you will understand."

anyway, the basic point of BC's original post was that she was hurt that her friends couldn't muster any enthusiasm for something that was important to her. dogs, babies, new houses, whatever--it hurts when it feels like your friends don't care about what is big in your life, and i think it was mean of you to try to diminish her feelings.

quote:
Originally posted by: lorelei
" Ah...sorry about that, I know better. I didn't take the time to think of a better description. I have to say, I definitely do not equate spamming pictures of pets as pictures of ones own children, because I believe children more important to most people (even to my friends without children who profess to love my son and who also have dogs), however, I would not send pictures to someone who didn't share that sentiment anyway, so I guess I cannot relate to either the parents in this situation or to dog owners. I don't care who does or does not respond to my emailed pictures, whether a dog, baby, or whatever unless I am asking the recipient a specific question, I am just not sensitive about that sort of thing. So my point is, don't sweat it so much. And yes, if you do have kids someday and feel that new kind of love the way I do, you will probably understand and accept the new differences between peers this creates, sorry if anyone is sick of hearing that."

cc · Marc Jacobs

quote:
Originally posted by: lorelei
"very sorry for all. you have totally slammed me, cc, and I cannot defend myself.
."

lorelei, it's fine.

There are a number of girls on here who have either chosen to not have children or who would like to have children but may not be able to for various reasons (not to mention the millions of women outside the world of Style Thread) and I think it's important to be aware of and sensitive to this fact.