STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Alegria · Kate Spade

Ughhhh!!!!

Hermes

hm. I'm not a parent, but I used to be a kid, and know what I wouldn't have liked (that's the point of punishment, isn't it ;) ) I think what you have done so far is good.

maybe as an additional condition, he has to earn points to drive the car. Like 4 hours of car usage is 10 points, and washing the dishes earns 5 points, cleaning his room is 7 points, taking out the trash is 3 points, etc. in other words, he has lost his rights to a "free ride" and it will teach him to work for what he wants. it would only be for as long as he lives under your roof (which won't be too long, I'm guessing, considering his age)

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

If I were you he wouldn't be getting his license in 2 weeks. He would be waiting at least 6 months.

Boots · Gucci

Not a parent either so take this for what it's worth. I think you need to make sure that he knows how serious you are about the privileged of driving. Or else you could be in for a lot more of the same once he actually gets the license. I'm all for making him wait to get the license until YOU feel that he is mature enough for the responsibility.

blink · Coach

I'm with Farrah. Only not so long... I think 2 months is good.

Tati · Chanel

wow, 17 years old! my son's gonna be 14 this year, the older they get more headaches huh?

anyways. I would maybe let him get his license (they have to go to dmv and test for it right?) and when he passes, you take his license away from him.Dont let him see or touch that thing! and if he tries to pull that crap again and take off with no license, with the most serious face you got, you tell him you'll call the cops on his ass and you wont bail him out so he can really learn his lesson! and of course ground him every way possible. make his life miserable as much as you can. you gotta make it hell for him so he'll think twice about pulling crap like that again. My sons only 13 but he's pulled some crap and we've had to really put our foot down hard on him and it really, really helps.
also....ask him why he HAD to do that? meet a girl, what? tell him you wont be upset, and dont get upset, and just talk to him when things have calmed down and he's calmer about him being grounded. talk as much as you can.....
good luck! sorry youre having to go through kid stress

Kincali · Dooney & Bourke

Farrah wrote:

If I were you he wouldn't be getting his license in 2 weeks. He would be waiting at least 6 months.

Yes. I mean, he basically was stealing your car. What would you do to the person wheeling away in your car if it wasn't your son? What if he had been pulled over driving without a license?

I wouldn't even have him on your insurance. If this is an example of his behavior than who knows what he will do in your car while he is driving.

Kelly · Hermes

I second what others have said...I'm not a parent, so maybe take this with a grain of salt, but if I ever tried to pull that crap on my parents when I was his age, I wouldn't have been able to get my license for at least six months, probably a year or more. If you want him to get his license on time, maybe rethink paying for his insurance - at all. I mean, a month is really not that long of a time to wait to get insurance. I don't think that's enough for what was essentially stealing your car in order to drive illegally. If he wants to drive, he can get a job and pay for that himself and I don't think that's unreasonable.

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

I agree with letting him get it then holding on to his license until he has shown enough responsibility to earn it back, but several months. Also, I wouldn't pay his insurance at all, ever! Will he have his own set of wheels?

disclaimer, also not a parent...

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Farrah wrote:
If I were you he wouldn't be getting his license in 2 weeks. He would be waiting at least 6 months.

I agree - thats a serious offense and it seems like he lacks respect. Maybe you shouldn't pay his insurance at all now? Or make him wait to get the license.

Metric · Gucci

I'm not a parent and I grew up in a single mom household where my mother was very strict, FWIW.

I don't think a month of not paying for insurance is going to be enough, frankly. I wouldn't have been allowed to get my license for at least 6 months to a year and my mother would not have paid my insurance (actually she wouldn't have paid for my insurance ever).

I never got grounded as a kid, instead of hanging around the house being a nuisance, I had to work off my punishments by doing chores (like yard work and house cleaning) for my family members. After a few weekends of digging weeds at 7 am, you quickly learn that getting into trouble is not worth it. Plus there's also the humiliation of your whole family/neighbors knowing you did something dumb.

My mom was a smart lady because I think she had to be strict, she was never unreasonable and I think it helped me learn to be a responsible person. I thank her for it now.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

If I were you, he wouldn't be getting his license anytime soon. Also I wouldn't be paying his insurance at all- that would be up to him to pay. Since he has clearly shown himself to be irresponsible I wouldn't want im on my policy, so he would have to buy his own.

Suasoria · Chanel

ILoveChoo wrote:

If I were you, he wouldn't be getting his license anytime soon. Also I wouldn't be paying his insurance at all- that would be up to him to pay. Since he has clearly shown himself to be irresponsible I wouldn't want im on my policy, so he would have to buy his own.

I second the spirit of this. 17-year-olds should be responsible and demonstrate mature behavior. They are almost legal adults, after all. Driving without a license would only be acceptable under very extreme situations, like if a friend is injured or too drunk to drive.

FWIW, I also come from a "family culture" where parents wouldn't pay for insurance for the child. If the child can't afford it, or can't earn the money, then he/she shouldn't drive. I don't think this is strict, I think it's kind, since it shows the child how the world works.

I don't know if I would be able to stop him from getting his license (a friend could take him, right?), nor could I stop him from driving other people's cars, but he would certainly not be allowed to use any of the family cars for a good long time - maybe not even until graduation, honestly.

NCshopper · Hermes

Here's my two cents, for what they're worth since I don't have kids:

If it's up to him, will he pay his insurance on his own? My concern is that seeing as how he used a lack of judgement in this recent situation, if he decides just not to pay for insurance and you don't pay for insurance, then what? You've got a 17 year old uninsured driver lacking in some common sense--not a good situation, IMO, and one that may end up costing you (potentially hugely) in the long run. I'd cover his insurance, just to make sure his ass is covered and use D's solution--to have him work for the right to drive after delaying getting his license a month or two, provided he shows good judgement between now and then.