STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Yes, every day she does something to piss you off. Because when you react, it just gives her what she wants. Whenever she says something crazy, just smile. It will piss her off. Don't argue, becuase that just gives her the opportunity to criticize you more. She is crazy. Accept her craziness like you would accept it from a little kid. If a little kid said "I'm going to beat you up..." you wouldn't be scared, would you? No, because they're just a little kid.

Ok, I know people have a hard time believing this, but most of the things people like this say arent' connected to anything real. They're just saying stuff. They're going to forget what you talked about in three and a half seconds anyway. So if they agree with you, they'll forget and act like the conversation never happened. And if they seem to hate you, seriously, they'll forget and act like the conversation never happened. The ONLY thing they'll remember is whether or not you argued, because to them arguing is the worst thing imaginable. So, um, dont' argue and they can't see you and won't worry about you.

Getting upset (totally normal reaction) is reacting, and this type can smell anger like a dog. Even if you're not saying anything, she knows. So by not react, I don't mean say something, I mean stiffen up or become angry or CARE at all.

Two words - KISS UP (it's funny and a great way to keep yourself amused).Don't care. Just don't care. It takes away all her power. Laugh at her. Agree with her. Agree with her until all of your friends are snickering because your sucking up has reached heights of smarminess that no one over the age of two would believe (really jamie, you're climbing a mountain? better pack a lunch...) but YOUR BOSS WILL BELIEVE YOU. Seriously, set yourself a goal of making all your coworkers (or one or two trusted ones) laugh at the boss's self aggrandicizing every day.

For example, when she told you not to wear the AE shirt (stupid, stupid, stupid - what a crazy bitch) smile and say something like "I guess it's thinking like that that puts you on the fast track. thanks. I'm trying to be more serious about my career. who would have thought that where I shop makes such a difference. well, maybe I better return it. That way at least the competition is not getting my $28. You know how that adds up. If every one here shopped there once a year, that would be an extra, I don't know, can you do the math..." If you want to make her look even worse, ask her to tell you a story from the days when she was learning the ropes. SHE WILL. It is HILARIOUS!

C'mon, have some fun with this. Sounds like she might fire you no matter what you do, so you might as well relax and take a few chunks out of her hide on the way out...