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Post Info TOPIC: are you allowed to change the rules?
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Gucci

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are you allowed to change the rules?
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I feel like I'm treading into dangerous territory, but lately I've been feeling like...I want to marry my bf. Its so scary b/c I have always said I'm never getting married. But we have been togeather for almost 6 years continuously (sorry spelling? I meant we have never broken up) and I just think it would make so much more sense than just being common law. (we have been commonlaw for about 5 years) I really don't know why I feel like this all of a sudden, I just can't explain it. He's such a good guy and he's always stood by me no matter what (i'm a little screwed up sometimes). I don't want to just get married, I want to marry him.


I brought it up, in a joking way, the other day but I didn't really get a receptive answer so I don't really know what to think. I said that we have been to so many weddings of our friends that we should get married to recoup the costs of the gifts we've given (I had been watching that SATC where Carrie gets her shoes stolen at the baby shower). And he said that it would cost too much to get married. But I know from past conversations he's not really into it, its just a peice of paper, yadda yadda.


Its not a deal-breaker for me (if he doesn't want to) but I can't shake this feeling. I don't even want a wedding or anything, I just want to be his wife insted of just his gf. Why am I like this all of a sudden? So 6 years into the relationship, is it ok to say I've changed my mind and do want to get married?



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lsubatgirl


Gucci

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Maybe he was unreceptive to the idea because it was framed jokingly? There's nothing saying you can't change your mind and there isn't anything the matter with wanting to marry someone.  I say sit down with him and tell him directly you want to get married to HIM and go from there.  There are many ways you can get married and you don't have to do it in a church or a reception hall and it doesn't have to cost a lot. People get married at city hall, on the beach, on a cruise, in vegas, you get the pic.  You can do it just about anywhere for any price so don't let cost be an issue.

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blubirde


Chanel

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I agree with lsubatgirl. You should just tell him about it so you don't get all weirdy on your own. Tell him exactly what you posted. That it's not a dealbreaker and you don't want a big to-do.


I think it's sweet. You made me smile.



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valenciana


Dooney & Bourke

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it's definitely okay to change your mind.  and it is incredibly sweet that you want to marry him, not just get married.  have you told him that?  if you haven't, you should.  maybe it will take him a little time to get used to the idea, but i think you should absolutely tell him how you're feeling.  even if you don't get married for another 6 years.


and as for the cost, like lsubatgirl said, there are so many ways to do it that are fun, spontaneous, and cheap!  although they don't obligate your friends to give gifts.  heh.  the only non-negotiable cost of getting married is the license!



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Elle


Hermes

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Just let him know how you feel.  Making it legally official is the reason my FH and I are getting married - neither of us expects it to 'solidify' or 'cement' our relationship, as we realize (and it sounds like you do too) that the promise to be together forever happens long before the signing of some legal document.  As long as you're clear with him about your feelings and your motivation (you're not doing it so you've 'got him', etc) I don't see why he would object?

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poptart


Coach

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That is so sweet! It's refreshing to hear about an authentic, happy, healthy relationship.

I definitely agree with the other girls that you should talk to him, in seriousness. And then report back to us.

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greendiamond


Marc Jacobs

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It's okay to change the rules. I think if you explained to him that you were having these feeling lately, and that you'd like for him to think about it. Tell him you don't need a proposal or anything right now, that you'd just like for him to hear what you are saying and to think about it. Then in a few months, if you are still feeling the same way, and he has no objections, perhaps you two can consider an engagement. You could even elope and nobody would have to know until you decided to tell them (especially good selling point for they shy-guy)


-gd



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-gd
blink


Coach

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Why doesn't he want to marry you?  Not that he would not marry you, I mean why doesn't he care to do so?  Not asking you, if it were me it is something I would wonder.

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