STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

do we really need another reason to hate butthead tara? Ok I know how upsetting this must be for you.  I don't know what I would do. I guess now that its out in the open you have to sit down and talk with him. That's the only way this will get resolved.

OMG I would be pissed. I most likely would be like you explain yourself, i don't care if i snooped.

I keep thinking of the Sex and the City episode when Carrie told her friend she should leave her husband- I don't know all the circumstances and everything that is happening but I don't think I could continue dating someone if I knew that was going on.

It doesn't matter how many times he told me he was sorry or explained the emails to me I think I would always have doubts and always be second guessing him.

I know it is SOOOO easy fto sit and "dump him" and so much harder to actually do, but I don't think I could continue dating someone who had done that to me.

Good luck Tara!

I'm sorry to say this, but after seeing that e-mail, there would be nothing the guy could say or do to make me stay with him.  2.5 years is MORE than enough time to get over someone, ESPECIALLY if you are with someone else.  This would really be a big deal to me.  I need to be the only one (outside of his family) my guy says I love you to.  I don't believe in all that "when you are with someone for a long time, they will always hold a special place in your heart" type of bs.  Nope-definitely nothing he could do or say can really explain away that e-mail.

And HE isn't talking to YOU?  WTF? 

Get rid of his ass.  The only reason why he got mad at you is because he got caught.  I was in a similar situation and I wish I would have just ended it right then and there instead of always questioning and not being able to trust him.  You don't want to drive yourself crazy over some guy who isn't worth it! 

Big hugs Tara.

With that being said it's time for a knock down drag out, one that should be executed much like this:

And remember too often we close our eyes to the truth because we want only what we want, we ignore things we should listen to and bruise ourselves while fighting the truth. There is NO reason for you to take him back. Grab your dignity and a can of Mace for the off chance that he will try to follow you. Get out of this mess.

I don't know you that well but from what I do know you seem like a really sincere, honestly nice person. (Those kinds of people are hard to come by.) First I want to say I'm sorry. I've been in almost the exact same situation and I know how much it sucks.

I didn't read anything in the emails I read as blatent as the one you found. The ones I found were flirtations with another girl. I guess (??) nothing ever came of it since I found the emails and confronted him, but it didn't change the fact that I couldn't trust him or us after that. And, speaking from experience, if you don't trust that your SO loves you completely and wants to be with you only, it's a waste of time to be in the relationship. It will only hurt you.

I wish I'd been brave enough to tell someone what I found way back when (except the SO) because then maybe someone would have told me to dump his ass. But they didn't and I wasted A LOT of time thinking we could fix it.

Here's my advice: you've suffered a lot at the hands of a man who isn't sure of you. Don't suffer anymore. You deserve more.

And don't let him be pissy at you for snooping. You're wrong to have snooped but that's not important anymore. The important thing is what you found. Tell him he can worry about trusting you with his stuff after you worry about trusting him to be in a relationship.

(((hugs)))

I am totally going to go against the group here.....but this is what happens when you snoop.  Snooping is NEVER good and nothing positive EVER comes out of doing it.  However, I am a true believer that if you are in a relationship and you feel the urge to snoop - something is wrong.  .......so this may be a good time for you to sit and think.

 

quote:

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Originally posted by: Tara
"I am totally going to go against the group here.....but this is what happens when you snoop.  Snooping is NEVER good and nothing positive EVER comes out of doing it.  However, I am a true believer that if you are in a relationship and you feel the urge to snoop - something is wrong.  .......so this may be a good time for you to sit and think.  "

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Tara, I am going to have to disagree.  I can't accept that "this is what happens when you snoop."  It is human nature to snoop sometimes especially when it comes to your SO.  What SHOULD have happened is that she should have found all innocent e-mails:  making plans with friends, jokes, spam, etc. and then laughed at herself for being paranoid.  That obviously didn't happen and I don't think it is tara t's fault at all!  She is just lucky she found out so she can make her own decision about whether this relationship is right for her and not be kept in the dark.

I don't even think snooping is that big of a deal to be honest with you.  I personally have nothing to hide and would not care if my boyfriend (when I have one) looked at my e-mails and honestly would feel weird if he didn't feel the same.  Not that I am the type of girl to obsessively check a guy's cell and e-mails, but if I was just bored or curious one day, why not?  What is so bad about looking at the e-mail of someone you live with, sleep with, and have shared a significant part of your life with?  She shouldn't have even had to snoop.