STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> friends and guys, yadda yadda
Post Info TOPIC: friends and guys, yadda yadda
Metric


Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2747
Date:
friends and guys, yadda yadda
Permalink Closed

My friend has a new bf. But she is the kind of girl that ditches her friends as soon as she gets a guy and devotes all her time to him. She has been like this the whole time I've known her. So because of the new guy I haven't seen her in over a month, even though we used to hang out almost every weekend and talk about 2-3 times a week. I finally spoke to her on the phone on Thursday after about 2 week absence.


Anyway, I was a little pissed off talking to her Thursday b/c she went on and on about going out for drinks with her new bf and other friends on Friday. Asking me what to wear and telling me all about who was going to be there. I was pissed b/c even though I hinted (strongly, like "oh we don't have any plans for Friday yet"), my bf and I were not invited which I thought was pretty rude. We know most of her friends and have met the new bf once, before they were togeather. I was taught that you don't talk some event up to someone and then not invite them. Its just bad manners. It wasn't like it was a private party or anything- just friends going to a popular wine bar.


So since she was busy Friday I asked her if she wanted to go out Saturday night. She said to me, "I don't know, we might be busy or bf might not feel like it." So Saturday night I went out with my bf instead. She called my place at 9pm (I wasn't home obviously but never bothered to call my cell) she ranted at my mom that I stood her up/broke our plans and she was mad about it.


Now I'm kinda pissed off. And I don't really even know what to say to her. I think we had a little misunderstanding, but I don't think she should get so mad about it. Should I have sat at home and waited until 9pm on Saturday night for her to "decide" to see me? I just feel kinda crusty about it and I don't really know what to say to her or how to resolve it. I'm not good at confrontation and I don't want it to become a huge deal. I'm just annoyed at her and I'm sure she is at me, too. Any thoughts?


(Sorry for blabbing so long.)



__________________
sage


Dooney & Bourke

Status: Offline
Posts: 797
Date:
Permalink Closed

If she didn't firm up plans with you on Saturday(and I mean Saturday in the day,not at 9) then you shouldn't feel bad. Maybe it was a misunderstanding as you so generously put it, but I think she waited until she found out the bf had other plans and then called you. Why do we do this? It is a mystery. I think probably the best thing to do is let it go and call her. I hate confrontation too and this would be eating away at me as I am sure it is with you. Make lunch plans. Or a shopping trip. Or something else where the bf wont be an issue.

-- Edited by sage at 20:22, 2005-03-07

__________________
"These are not the droids you are looking for"
laken1


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 5600
Date:
Permalink Closed

I think you have to tell her exactly that - she has been unavailable, you hadn't heard from her, she's been busy with other people, and you aren't halting your plans / life to hope she calls you. I guess you could be nicer than me, but that kind of thing really irks me. You are not wrong, so don't let her make you feel that way - that's all i'm saying.

I also think it's rude to talk up an occassion that you could easily attend & then not invite you. My momma raised me better than that!!!! (sounds like yours did too)



__________________
Who do you have to probe around here to get a Chardonnay? - Roger the Alien from American Dad
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2130
Date:
Permalink Closed

That sounds so frustrating! I think she's a user. It might not be the healthiest thing, but a huge semi-sincere apology, delivered with an undertone of "I just had no idea we were suddenly friends again after you've been so busy lately," to smooth things over so you won't have weirdness and drama. Then just don't ever be available for her again unless she grovels a little bit.

__________________
blubirde


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4845
Date:
Permalink Closed

You are completely not wrong! My advice is to talk to her. I can assure you, from previous experience, that these are the kind of things that build up resentment. And once you resent a person, everything they do is wrong and pisses you off. If you want to stay friends with her and remedy the situation (if that's possible), you have to tell her what's on your mind. It's the only way to keep an open and honest friendship, imo.


I hate it when friends can't do anything without their boyfriends!!! It's so annoying. I understand having to cancel plans for a date or something every once in awhile but all the time? And when I want to hang out with my girlfriend, I don't mean my girlfriend and her significant other. At least not ALL the time. Okay, that's my rant to add to your story!



__________________
http://dailypointers.blogspot.com/
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> friends and guys, yadda yadda
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard