STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

One thing is for sure - you will hurt him to some degree no matter what you decide to say to him - so hurting him should not hold you back as uncomfortable of a task as this is.

I would send an e-mail - as impersonal as that seems, sometimes a letter is the best way to communicate stuff like this because it allows you to take time crafting what you want to say, and there is no opportunity to forget things you want to say, which can happen during a phone call or in-person conversation when someone is asking you questions or commenting.

I would start out telling him something like... (this is under the guise that you genuinely want to remain active friends which I sensed from what you wrote)

"I have some thoughts to share with you and I felt the easiest way to do this was to just send you a letter letting you know how I feel. 

First of all I want you to know how much I LOVE hanging out with you.  I think you are just the nicest, greatest guy and as you well know, we have a great time together *doing whatever you two do together - fill in the blanks here about all things you like about him*

Because I do like you so much, I feel it's important that I treat you with as much respect as you have given me by being completely open and honest with you.  This is a very difficult thing to have to bring up, but I'm just not feeling the romantic side of our relationship.  Again, I think you're great, and as much as I wish the chemistry was there, I have come to the realization that it's not.  I also cherish our time together and don't want to lose that. I just feel it's unfair to both of us to continue our friendship without me being honest about what I'm feeling.  I really want us to continue our friendship and I want nothing but happiness for you, but I'll understand if you don't want to continue seeing me.  Where we go from here with our frienship is up to you.

This was really hard for me to write, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I felt it was important to be completely honest about my feelings.

AJ"

This is just a suggestion - but it's best to be honest in situations like this I think... HTH

That was an awesome letter detroit... I just may save that for later use. 

AJ- Sorry to hear that.  Although email does seem slightly impersonal, I think its a good idea in this situation.  Unless you can say all that to his face...  Good luck :)

Though I like to *think* honesty is the best policy, in reality, I wuss out of saying things like that.  I usually blame an ex-boyfriend.  I was between boyfriends and started seeing a guy that I had a little crush on.  As I got to know him, I realized that he's a great person, but I started to think of him as a little boy and started to get a sick feeling when he told me how much he liked me (he showed me how he liked to snuggle with his stuffed animals, it was beyond bizarre).  I told him that I wasn't emotionally available to be involved with him and still thought about my exboyfriend.  There's no arguing with that- everyone understands.  Although, in my case, it was true.  I'm back with the ex now, so it all worked out.

quote:

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Originally posted by: blubirde
"So what happened? Did he take it well? What a hard thing to have to say! I mean imagine if it were reversed. I like you and all blubirde, it's just that I'm repulsed by the thought of making out with you. Honesty is DEFINITELY not always the best policy. That said, what ya gonna do? It happens. I think it happens more to girls than guys. The reverse is usually true for guys. They want to make out with you, just not hang out. Hope it goes swiftly and well!"

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He actually didn't call me last night.  I was supposed to call him on Saturday, but never did.  So, maybe he is realizing it for himself....I think he knows something is up.

I do want to call him though.  I feel so depressed today because I really like him as a friend, but I'm sure he is not going to want to be friends with me.  Even though we only dated for a short time, I still don't feel right just not calling him.