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Gucci

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negativity
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I have decided that I want to let go of all the negativity in my life and try to be a more positive person. I feel like I have been holding onto stupid negative things and negative thoughts for too long and I want to change. I would like to be considered a person with a "sunny" disposition. I used to think being angry was cool but I think having been "dark" for so long has really affected my outlook on life and how I react to the people around me. Often I think stupid negative thoughts about complete strangers and I don't know why. But I would like to see the best in people, rather than being suspicious and negative. Also I want to be able to not let other negative people or people who are negative towards me affect me so much. For an example, I want to make a peace offering to my brother's gf in hope that we can be in the same room without flames shooting out of our eyes at each other.


I hope that any of you can offer advice or support. I don't think it is easy to change yourself but I am certainly willing to try. I think I have wasted alot of energy over the past ten years being angry and having a foul opinion of too many things. I really hope I can be a more positive, happy person.


like this--->


not this--->                                                                       



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Elle


Hermes

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Good for you!  You have better things to spend your energy on, anyways.  Maybe a reading a book (about optimism, tranquility, inner peace, changing the way you view the world etc, etc) would help you make the transition, kind of like a 12-step program?  You can kick your addiction to negativity!  Does this mean we can scold you if you make a negative comment . . . ?  We're here for you!



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
Farrah


Marc Jacobs

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First off let me say Bravo!!  It is great that you are realizing that your greatest potential will be reached through a positive attitide.  I have also decided to grasp a more positive outlook on life.  It has only been a few days, but I really do feel like things are turning around for me.  I feel better and I am realizing that things aren't really so bad if I just do not let them bother me.


This is what I am doing:


When something happens that I am not very pleased about I make sure to tell myself that it must be for the best and that things will work out.  i.e. if you go on a date with a guy that isn't very nice, doesn't have a job, etc.  Instead of going home and complaining about it or writing in your journal about it, tell people or your journal what you would like in a guy.  Do not give the negative things any more time out of your day.  When you send off good vibes you will get more of that in return.  When you send out negative vibes you will also get back the same thing.  Being positive sounds much better, huh?



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"Whatever you are, be a good one." --Abraham Lincoln
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Gucci

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quote:
Originally posted by: LMonet
Does this mean we can scold you if you make a negative comment . . . ? 
Yes please

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Coach

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Ah, I know what you mean, there is something that is "cool" about being angry.  I think I started this in about middle school as a way to protect myself from being judged.


It is hard to change.  the big thing I am trying to stop is trash talking.... I have been doing pretty good for the past couple months, (2005 resolution) but then I caught myself just yesterday commenting to one of my best girlfriends on how unattractive a mutual guy friend of ours new girlfriend and suddenly fiance is.  I feel bad when I am negative, but it seems like I can't stop.  I remind myself of my bitter naggy grandma....she has a BIG heart, but she can be so depressing to listen to...I don't want to be like that.


I think I will tell more friends what I am trying to change, and maybe they will remind me when I start to trash talk.



-- Edited by lorelei at 18:11, 2005-02-10

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Kenneth Cole

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I am also trying to let irksome things role off my shoulders and have become happier doing so. I still get a pissy attitude driving sometimes, but i'm trying to have more patience. I think when you get mad you're only hurting yourself. Oprah said something once that really hit home. She said she held this grudge against someone for years and than she saw that person (without them seeing her) and they were living a great happy life while she was feeling miserable with her grudge. In other words the people you're angry at go on with their lives and often don't even have knowledge about your resentment meanwhile your left stuck angry and in the past.


I think too that you need to feel good about yourself in order to express positivity towards others. Also it helps to humble yourself by thinking of your "issues" within the context of a huge world. If I have food, shelter, and safety I feel that's good enough.



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blubirde


Chanel

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Good for you BC! You deserve to be happy. I firmly believe happiness cannot be achieved without a lot of positive energy surrounding you (both giving and getting). I also believe in the path of karma, so I try to be as positive as I can (or at least not negative) in hopes of receiving positive energy in return. It sounds silly but it's true! I have really negative friends and all the bad things always happen to them. They hate work the most, the have the worst dates, get hit with random things on their head more, etc. I don't think it's that their jobs are worse than mine or that their blind dates somehow came from a deeper level of hell than mine. It's them. They are the one common element in all their bad experiences.


I have two suggestions for you: laughter and yoga! When you go on a bad date, remember all the worst moments so you can laugh about it with your friends later. (The best stories are the true ones!) When the boss at work calls you in for a "closed-door meeting," go catch a yoga class after work to de-stress. And finally, try to find beauty in little things. Put pink, sparkly things on your desk if it makes you happy. Keep a picture of Brad Pitt (or whoever) close by. If it's gross and rainy out, cozy up next to a fire at home and enjoy a glass of wine. There's always something beautiful around us. We just have to be able to see it.


I've done all of these things and it really works for me. I'm calmer and I'm positive and I'm happy. Appreciating the beauty of everything around me is the hardest thing but it's the most significant. It completely changes your outlook on everything.


Good luck! I hope you get the change you're looking for.



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Elle


Hermes

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quote:
Originally posted by: blubirde
"They get hit with random things on their head more, etc."
OMG!  LOL!  If that doesn't bring a smile to your face I don't know what will!

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
atlgirl


Gucci

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Good for you, and you know we'll be happy to help you with this.  I, too, was a very negative, pessimistic person for years and years and years and then finally, about six years ago or so, I decided to change that.  It took me a while to get used to looking at the other (brighter) side of things, but I'm of the "fake it 'til you make it" school and just kept telling myself to keep chipping away at my negativity.  It's nearly all gone now, though I do tend to expect the worst (still working on that!) in certain situations.  Interestingly, the depression I've suffered since I was twelve or so is the best it's ever been in my life.  The depressive episodes are shorter in duration and they occur much less frequently.


And I've found that as I started thinking about being positive, and doing good, and seeing the best in things, my life has become so rewarding.  I love what I do now, who my friends are, how I feel, and I'm a long way from where I was when I started to consciously try to change my way of thinking.


I'm telling you this not to blather on about myself (though that appears to be what's happened - sorry), but to hopefully provide you encouragement in your own "pursuit of happiness".  I firmly believe that we get back from this world what we put into it, and I applaud you for taking the first step. 


<<There's always something beautiful around us. We just have to be able to see it>>


Blubirde, I wholeheartedly concur!  That's it, in a nutshell. And I love your attitude, BTW.


 



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poptart


Coach

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I am agreeing with everything you are all saying. I struggle to be more positive, too. Everyone's offered some great suggestions. BC, thanks for bringing this up!


P.S. Something is wrong with my font. But I am looking on the bright side ... everyone will be able to read it b/c it's HUGE!



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Dooney & Bourke

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i've been working on being more positive for years. when i was in college i was the most jaded, negative person alive, and since i graduated i have been trying to turn that around. it's tough sometimes living in nyc! but i have been making lots of progress. everyone has offered fantastic advice already, so i just wanted to post the name of a book that i read a few years ago that really pushed me farther along in my quest to become a more positive person. it's called "how we choose to be happy" - here is the link to the book on amazon -


http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0399525750/qid=1108136179/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/102-3374120-4764933


i've read a lot of cheesy and annoying books on this general subject, but this one was really different. i felt really inspired after reading it (and even during reading it). it reminded me that being happy and being positive is a *choice* - like blubirde said, negative people's lives aren't necessarily worse, but their attitude about them it. and that's the basic premise of the book. some of the stories in it, about people whose lives were so horrible (people living in poverty, rape victims, former drug addicts) but somehow they still managed to be positive, really made me question what about my life is making me feel so negative/angry/depressed. anyway, i highly recommend it.



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"to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its night and day to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop trying." - ee cummings
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