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wetbandit42 · Marc Jacobs

Am I being unreasonable? Roommate rant

Daylily · Nine West

The cat thing is ridiculous, and I'm surprised your parents are making you live with her again this year after she brought an animal you don't like and are allergic to into your house.
As far as the rest of it, sounds like she may be being passive aggressive because she can sense you don't like living with her (I'm not saying it's your fault, but when you live with someone, those vibes are real and can change the atmosphere quick.)

I would either put the LCD in your room or ask your parents to get it for you next year, WHEN YOU LIVE ALONE! and just use whatever she brings home. I don't know why she's ignoring what you're saying (yes, unfair) about the TV, but it's not worth a fight. As a matter of fact, it might be better, because that way she can't break your nice new expensive TV.

Keep your alcohol in your room, and lay low. I know roommates can suck and particularly when they seem to have no regard for you whatsoever ("why?" I can't believe she said that!)

Seriously, this sounds like a wait-it-out situation to me (and I've been in a couple before.) and I'd just keep as much of your nice/ breakable/ drinkable stuff in your own room as you can and try to not get too upset about the rest of it. She's inconsiderate and not a good roommate for you. Can you get out of the lease at Christmas and live on your own next semester? Could you ask your parents if they'd be ok with that for the reasons you've said, and then ask your roommate to find someone else to live with, or offer to help her find someone?

The one thing I would put my foot down about though, is that cat post. Just say "Hey, I'm not trying to be bossy or anything, but I'd really like to be able to enjoy our common area without allergies. I need you to put the post in your room please."

wetbandit42 wrote:

I have a roommate. We're go to school together, the same year and everything. I lived with her last year, and for the most part, it was fine, but lately things have been going south very quickly. I didn't even want to live with her this year (I wanted to live alone), but my parents made me live with her. That might be part of the problem. I resent her a little bit I guess because I'm being forced to live with her.

However, this girl is SO inconsiderate. She has this cat post, which is obviously covered in cat hair. I asked her politely if she could keep it in her bedroom because I am allergic to cats/their hair, and so being around it makes my eyes itch/makes me sneeze. After I asked her politely and explained about how I am allergic to cats, she looked at me, rolled her eyes, and said very rudely, Why? As in, why should I move it? Which totally pissed me off, because it's so inconsiderate. If it were my cat and my post, I wouldn't have a problem with that. Who wants to make their roommate suffer through allergies that could be partially avoided?

She also does a lot of little things which I just find very inconsiderate, like drink my alcohol and not replace it (because apparently she can't remember whose is whose), make a mess in the kitchen ten minutes after she SEES me cleaning it, never cleaning up her stuff, breaking my things, never cleaning, etc, etc. She also brought home the aforementioned cat last year without even asking me if I minded her bringing a cat to live in our apartment. I really dislike cats, so that really pissed me off.

Quick backstory: My parents told me that they would buy me a nice LCD tv for Christmas. I told roommate this. She then offered to bring a flat panel tv from her parents work because apparently people leave them in the RVs that they buy from people. I politely said no. Then today she tells me that she asked her dad and he said he would give her a tv and she'd bring it back with her the next time she goes home. A) she has a tv in her bedroom that she got from someone's rv and the picture and sound quality are horrendous, and B) I am assuming that if people are leaving these in their RVs, they are probably not very nice tvs. And I want a nice tv, which my parents would buy me. Plus, it's MY entertainment center that it would be going in. I just feel like she doesn't listen to me. Anytime I tell her something, she does the exact opposite.

Am I just being oversensitive? My mom says that I can be bossy and that I am the one that needs to cool it. Wtf? I'm not overreacting, am I? Things have gotten to the point that we hardly speak. We never spoke that much before, but it's gotten very uncomfortable. We're not friends, which makes it harder (and I don't think we ever will be).

cahabo · Kate Spade

I was also going to suggest putting the t.v. in your room. That way you get it all to yourself and don't have to worry about your roommate breaking it!

Doesn't seem like there is much you can do about the cat situation since you already talked about it and nothing came out of it. Maybe you should just put the darn cat post in your roommates room while she isn't home and see how she reacts to that!

Hopefully you will find a way to get out of your living arrangements.

subwolley · Kate Spade

If you HAVE to live with her, you guys need to have a talk or something. It sounds like both of you are being passive aggressive, which leads to petty fights.

What if you guys spend some time together. Maybe doing something nice or doing something fun will bring you guys closer together. This could lead her to want to listen to your needs. But to me, it's sounds like you are running out of patience, in which I would say try to be more patient. Being impatient will probably just make her want to leave the cat pole in the living room, etc.

Think about things you can do. Maybe she's feeling like you are attacking her. If you can't get along, you might just have to tell your parents you need to move out.

Having had many roommates in my day, letting petty stuff bother you is pointless.

Daylily · Nine West

p.s. - I also think it's a pre-requisite of roommates to make messes in the kitchen. I've never had one who didn't. I just had to realize I'd never have a clean kitchen till I lived alone.

Grace · BCBG

I've had a horrible roommate so I feel for you (didn't clean, ate my food, ruined my furniture). I much prefer living by myself. How is it that your parents made you live with her? I highly suggest moving out on your own, it will save your sanity.

wetbandit42 · Marc Jacobs

Thanks ladies! I knew it wasn't just me. I think I'm unnecessarily blaming my parents. They didn't really make me move in with her, well sort of. They told me that they felt I was safer if I lived with someone, and at the time that we moved again (this is my second year living with her), we weren't having problems, at least not problems like this. I really wanted to live by myself, but since my parents pay my rent, I listened to them. I figured, oh, it couldn't get any worse, but clearly I was wrong. They did say that they'll let me live by myself next year (which is the earliest I could move out). cry

As for her, I understand that roommates do things to bug each other, but she seems to do it X10. I wouldn't mind her making a mess in the kitchen if she would clean it up. But everytime I go in the kitchen, there's juice spills on the counter, crumbs everywhere. She's just so inconsiderate and I don't understand how these things that she does don't cross her mind as being so.

Anyways, I've been trying to be nicer to her. For example, the other day she broke one of my glasses (but obviously didn't offer to buy me a new one) and I just told her it was okay. Accidents happen, but they happen too much with her.

And about the tv... I will either get one for my room, where she can't break it, or wait until next year when I live by myself.

Thanks again ladies!

ETA: I put the cat post in her room, and she hasn't moved it back out. But she did mention that she would have to take it home because there isn't enough room in her bedroom for it. Like that's my fault?

-- Edited by wetbandit42 at 12:08, 2008-09-12