STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Misty · Dooney & Bourke

hi

Cricket · Gucci

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now, Misty. Hang in there. cry

Hermes

That is a lot of stress to go through in that period of time. It's amazing how strong you can be isn't it? If you allow the things that happen to you to get the better of you, they will. Always remember, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It's OK to hurt, and how long that hurt remains is individual. However, it's a choice to not be a victim and use our tribulations in life to gain sympathy or as excuses to not live life well.

Since you want to hear stories of woe for inspiration, mine might do the trick.

July 2006 - diagnosed with breast cancer
August 2006 - diagnosed with cancer gene mutation and underwent a bilateral mastectomy
December 2006 - started a new job
June 2007 - had ovaries and tubes removed and entered instant severe menopause
September 2007 - mother goes into hospice
April 2008 - mother passes away (from ovarian cancer)

There's a lot of other little stuff in there too like the stress of monthly ovarian cancer tests for a while and difficulties in my relationships and work, but those are the high points. I just don't allow the adversity to get the better of me and try to maintain a positive outlook and good sense of humor. I also strongly appreciate life in general.

Life goes on and I choose to live it to the hilt smile

-- Edited by D at 10:55, 2008-08-27

rosie_the_riveter · Gucci

D wrote:

That is a lot of stress to go through in that period of time. It's amazing how strong you can be isn't it? If you allow the things that happen to you to get the better of you, they will. Always remember, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It's OK to hurt, and how long that hurt remains is individual. However, it's a choice to not be a victim and use our tribulations in life to gain sympathy or as excuses to not live life well.

well said, D. I don't have any stories but I just wanted to say, I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

Suasoria · Chanel

I'm sorry for your loss. It's completely understandable that you're still grieving, so please don't judge yourself about how you should or shouldn't be feeling. We feel how we feel, ya know? I lost my grandmother and my dad at the end of 2007 and I still grieve.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

I'm so sorry!!! Don't be so hard on yourself, a piece of you will always grieve the loss of your dad and the fact that you want to quit and go volunteer just speaks to what a caring and giving person you are!!!

Teresa · Kate Spade

wow, Misty. I am so sorry for what you and your family experienced. I pray for your peace of heart and mind.

Kincali · Dooney & Bourke

I'm so sorry, I can only imagine that you are in shock, and depressed. It must have been so painful for you to watch your dad suffer and to lose him after all of that. It doesn't matter how many people lose their parents, it doesn't take away from your individual pain.

I got married in June too, and I thought my guests were going to pass out from the heat. I was so stressed(my ceremony was outside) that I told them to make it short. I had a blast at my reception, but the ceremony and the time leading up to it was horrible and it makes me sad to think about it. It felt very rushed, and my mom, maid of honor, and my husband's mother had Susan Lucci proportion dramas that morning, and I felt nobody was looking out for me. I think my wedding coordinator was your wedding coordinator's twin, because she sucked. I have had a very strained almost non-existent relationship with all of them since the wedding.

My sister was almost murdered 3 years ago, in a bizarre situation that we still can't understand. The fact that she survived shows me that someone was looking out for her. I'll be praying for you.

alb · Marc Jacobs

Wow Misty. I am so so sorry to hear about what you had to go through with your dad. I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been. I agree that you should not be too hard on yourself. It's okay to allow yourself to grieve. It may take awhile, but you are very resilient and I know you will get through it.

I have been wondering how you are doing and how the wedding went. I am so sorry I missed it but we were still in Cairo. I want to touch base with you - will send you a PM soon (I don't have a current email address for you since you changed jobs). Please know I will be praying for you.

cc · Marc Jacobs

Misty, I'm so sorry! I've been going through a difficult time too recently but nothing that can compare with how you lost your father (possibly breaking up with my long term bf and dealing with my parents separating). I especially sorry that this has happened at what should be a very happy time in your life but am glad that you have someone who can love and support you. Also we are always here for you as well! Vent all you want!

twinkle_star · Kenneth Cole

My (little) sister almost died 2 years ago. She didn't think that she would be able to get pregnant but did (yay!). She was 8 1/2 months pregnant and started feeling like she had a cold, had trouble breathing so went to the ER. She then had an emergency c-section and went into a coma (pneumonia). On that first night my parents got the call to come back to the hospital and prepare themselves for the worst. I live in the US but am originally from England so this all went down over the space of a few hours 3,000 miles away. I jumped on a plane from Boston as my aunt did from TX and we spent the next 8 days at the hospital alternating between sitting at her bedside and sitting with my new-born nephew and telling him about his mom. Thankfully she kept improving and her fiance and I were there when they took her off the respirator and watched her take her first breaths on her own.

My grandmother died of kidney disease in April. My mom, aunt and I visited her in March while she was receving hospice care. She wasn't a typical touchy-feely grandmother but I loved her and she was important in my life.

My sister's illness was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I have no words for what it felt like to literally watch my grandmother die. Both of these events have changed me forever and I'm still trying to process how they've changed me and figure out how I can grow from them. (I guess I'm writing this for my own benefit as much as anything because I am still processing these experiences).

Misty, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure what's happened to you has changed you forever, too and so just "getting on with your life" is in no way as easy as it sounds. You've profoundly changed and you have to figure out what your life looks like now. Wanting to volunteer definitely says a lot about the kind of person you are and maybe any kind of volunteer work (if you can't work with burn victims maybe volunteer at a hospital) would help you out as much as others.

blubirde · Chanel

I'm all weepy reading these posts. I don't have any stories to tell but I can say that my world would be rocked by experiencing 1/10th of what you women are describing. I can't begin to imagine what y'all must be going through. That said, I firmly believe time heals all wounds but I also know that doesn't help in the present very much (except to know that it will get better).

I'm so sorry Misty. Feel bad if you want to. God knows you deserve it.

Kari · Dooney & Bourke

Misty,

I am so sorry to hear about your father. I will keep your family in my prayers. If I would have known, I would have come over to Tulsa to keep you company or just lend an ear!!! I can't imagine going through something like that. Please don't rush yourself through the grieving process. Take all the time you need to reflect and cry and just honor your dad's memory.

You are a very strong woman and you've been through many challenges. Like they say "God doesn't throw things at us that we can't handle." I don't know that I fully understand that, but it seems to ring true.

I hope your marriage is absolutely wonderful, you really deserve the happiness!!!

Please take care of yourself!!

Misty · Dooney & Bourke

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts and expressions of sympathy. It always helps to learn that you aren't alone in your trials, that was all I was trying to do by asking if everyone had any survival stories. The people in my life (other than my family of course) cannot relate because everything is seemingly perfect in their life -- meaning that their lives are untouched by anything remotely close to tragic and as unbelievable as it sounds, have ever even had a death in their family. So yeah I feel like a freak around my friends at times. I don't derive any pleasure from hearing of other people's pain but it does make me feel more normal that I'm not alone in my challenges.

D - My heartfelt sympathies and prayers for all you have had to endure; Lord knows you are like the rock of Gibraltar and a role model for the rest of us in the way that you handle and approach life. Truly. Please also allow me to say that I wasn't trying to gain sympathy or draw inspiration from anyone else's misery or pain, but as I said above, merely trying to feel normal while being surrounded by people whose existence has been unaffected by extreme life experiences.

Fairlight and twinklestar - thank you so much for sharing your stories. We don't realize how strong we are until we are forced to reveal that strength while walking through the fire, and we can't fathom ever coming out on the other side of it but eventually we do. Again, thank you for opening up and sharing such private things with us; it's not that easy for some to do.
fairlight - did you get married in the northeast? we got hitched in PA. I'm so sorry your day was not as special as it should have been. my wedding planner and her team didn't do about 30 things on my list or ANY bride's list (who forgets to put out the guest book???!!!!!). we can trade stories if you want to PM me.

cc - ending a relationship if never easy. i know you have been with your BF for a long time, so know we are here if you need to talk about that. please also remember that your problems or issues in life are no less important or serious than someone else's.

alb - will PM new email address. i no longer have yours. will update you on wedding and send pix, thanks for asking! you're such a good friend.

Kari - thank you for wanting to be there for me. I appreciate that thought - so kind. i am enjoying married life, thank you very much. D is my rock and baby M too of course.
i am so thankful and blessed to have been able to be at my dad's bedside for all but two days and I wouldn't trade that for anything; i think i would be much worse emotionally if i hadn't been there. i have my anger to fuel me as well. a contributing factor to my emotional rollercoaster that i did not share above was that my dad's wife abandoned him at the hospital during surgery and never called or went to see him after he was burned, even though we called every day and begged her. then the she-devil has the audacity to hire an attorney and file a petition to be appointed administrator (while we planned the funeral mind you) and subsequently file a wrongful death claim against the hospital. wth! she wasn't even there; WE are her case.
so anyway, i use my spare time to do research when I don't have M. it helps to be proactive and being a legal asst, i do have the resources. :)