STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Listen to your dad!  You don't want to live life with the 'what could have been' do you? 

I think your dad is right on with his advice. Life is too short to make all your choices based on your job. Make this choice based on your heart.

I think you should do it! And there are lots of ways to get involved in other things so that your life doesn't become dependent upon the boy. I know you love art and stuff, so I'm sure there are classes and stuff you can do in Nashville to help give you your stuff to do. I think your dad gave you great advice! Keep us posted! And follow your heart

"I don't think I could ever find anyone that makes me happier"

Well, I think that says it all. Does he make you happier than your career does? If so, there is no reason not to go to him.

I definitely think you should do it...

I don't think this is black and white. It sounds like you need to answer some more questions first.

The one that jumped out at me was: You won't be able to get as good a job in Nashville?

How much will that impact you down the road? I mean, is this a temporary decision? Or, if you go, will you have less money than you would have if you stayed for the rest of your life? Does your career path exist in Nashville? How do people in your career view someone trying to reenter the field after a few years of doing something else? What are the options for "something else?" How interesting do they sound?

What happens if this guy gets hit by a car tomorrow? Would you be happy you went?

Most importantly, why can't he move to California? Was this even discussed?

It sounds like, though, from the end of your list, that you would like the life you envision in Nashville - that it would be more enjoyable day-to-day than your current one. That makes me think you will eventually end up going. I just think you need to be really, really careful about the money thing first. As women, we generally make less over our lifetimes and we live longer than men. We have to be more careful. The advice men get doesn't always apply to us.

Do it!

ILoveChoo wrote:

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I kind of agree with Dizzy. You don't want to regret not going, but you also don't want to regret going. What is it that makes your career so hard to follow there? Can your skills transfer to something a little different but at a similar level? Is there no way that he can do what he does elsewhere (why are you the one that has to move?)?

And while #14 does make me lean a little toward maybe you should go, why is it so far down the list/?That should be #1.

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The list isn't in priority order.  I just started putting the stuff up.  

To answer the questions regarding my job - I'm in charge of strategic product management for my company's flagship product, which is a software application, so I am a product manager in the tech field.  Our software is sold primarily to banks and financial institutions.  Our product is used by almost all of the world's major financial institutions and it is my job to keep it current and to determine what features and functionality need to come next.  This requires a lot of travel, conference attendance, market research, etc., etc.  I love the aspects of my job that require dealing with the market.  My previous gig at the company was client management, which I also loved. 

The problem is that Nashville isn't a tech hub and it isn't a financial services hub (or telecom, which is the application set I used to manage).  The big industry for software or client management in Nashville is healthcare and in healthcare they are really picky about having healthcare experience. 

The jobs I have found are about $20K less per year then what I make.  Thinking of cost of living, that isn't that much, but I feel I am underpaid for my current role (and my boss agrees and has promised a big salary increase in November). 

All this said, my company has layoffs every 2-3 months.  We are a very well known firm, but the credit crisis is taking a hit on our revenue.  All this said, the layoffs are kind of random, and the company is a pressure cooker.  It doesn't have a very good culture.  That said, I love the team I work on and my boss is great.

The boy can't move (he actually could, and he isn't 100% opposed to it, but realistically, I know that between us I should move based on financials - long-term our financial prospects together are better with him in his current job).  His current job is not transportable to SD.  They don't do home-offices.  They have offices throughout the US, but none in SD.  His company is larger, they are growing fast and they have a great culture.  He was paid a VERY, VERY large sum of money last year in a profit sharing event.  They expect another one at the end of 2009 and another one in 2011 if they keep growth on track.  He makes more money than I do (significantly more), his boss loves him, he is on a first name basis with the CEO and the Chairman (they request him on their projects) and last year they gave him a 50% bonus (and he expects the same this year).  On top of those jobs thing, he has dogs that are big and need space (something we wouldn't have in SD) and he also owns a house (thus it is harder and more expensive to move).  I'm on a month to month lease in my apartment.   

Anyway, he isn't forcing me to move, but really wants me to do so.  He indicated to me tonight that his colleague has a Sr. Manager role open in Client Management.  I actually enjoy client management more than product management (as a whole), but long-term I don't think the career path is as good (career path goes to sales in CM, whereas it goes to ops and strategic management in PM).  That said, I really only love the aspects of my job that deal with the client, the roadmapping and technical reviews are not areas that I love (they are okay and I like them, but don't love them).  BUT, I don't like the idea of taking a decrease in role and I don't like the idea of working at the same company (this makes the separation of life and him even smaller - and I was engaged previously to a guy that I worked with... when he experienced work issues and I didn't, it created a lot of stress.  When I left him and called off the wedding, it created a lot of stress with colleagues and was very uncomfortable.  I vowed then to never work with a boyfriend again.  That said, his company is awesome and the hiring manager for the job is someone I really like and admire.  ON top of that, the salary would be in line with what I make today (but not what I should make as of November).  That said, with cost of living, I would make more. 

I guess from a career perspective, what I worry about the most is opportunities for different jobs.  Realistically there are just fewer tech opportunities in Nashville.  That said, if I had to decide where to live in 5 years, I would prefer to be someplace that is smaller and more family focused.  I would also like to be closer to my family (family is in the midwest, so Nashville is a day's drive). 

Oh, decisions, decisions.  I know I want to be near him... and I am leaning in that direction.  Spiffed my resume up this weekend...

Hmm...

What happens if you move and it turns out that when you're in the same town, this guy doesn't work for you? Is the only good scenario "Happily ever after?" Or is there something there that has nothing to do with the guy, and still sounds exciting and wonderful (even the dog - I get wanting a quiet lifestyle)?

If you have that, then "Hell YES, go!" If you don't have that, though, I still think going makes the most sense long-term. You've brought up something about a quiet lifestyle and more time for family in every post. It kind of sounds like that's what you really want, guy or no guy. Just please be careful about the career thing too, k?