STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lynnie · Chanel

Is anyone else here in a funk?

twinkle_star · Kenneth Cole

Yep, I definitely feel the same way right now. I'm bored, bored, bored at work and don't feel motivated to do anything about it. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and now friends who've been together way less time keep getting married and having kids. I'm not sure that's what I want for my life but I feel like I'm falling behind in some race. Also, my grandmother passed away recently (my last grandparent) and I think I'm struggling with not being a kid anymore (seriously, I'm 32, I haven't been a kid for YEARS). I'm also really feeling my lack of female friends, so many people have moved away in the last few years, I just don't have girls to hang out with any more.

My boyfriend and I just moved to a new apartment and the dining room and guest room are still full of 1/2 empty boxes. I never even feel like cooking because everything I used to enjoy cooking or eating bores me. I'm shopping like crazy lately and that's usually an indication that I'm not happy with myself. It's weird because this is the time of year that I look forward to most, Boston's so great in the summer!

I'm hoping that if I keep doing small things that I consider a treat that will snap me out of it. I'm also trying to do some new things, like tennis lessons, a new route to work, just stuff to make my life seem less ho-hum. I've been trying to go back to the gym and I think that's helping.

I'm not sure what to say to help you, Lynnie. I think that this just happens sometimes and when it passes we don't always know why.

Kelly · Hermes

Yes. Yes. A bazillion times yes.

I'm so discontent and restless with my life and I don't know what to do about it. I especially agree with what you said, "I just feel kind of stuck sometimes..like I know there is something coming up, but I dont know what the next step is."

I don't know what is supposed to come next. I'm not in grad school because I wanted to figure out what to do with myself before I continued my education. But I have no idea what I want to do with myself still. I'm still working for my family business, and honestly I'm happier here than I thought I would be and I don't feel the draw to leave anymore. So I'm not really focused on climbing the corporate ladder or anything. Still, it's the same place I've been working since I was 10 years old. Many of my friends are getting married, and a couple are having babies, but I'm not ready for that yet. I still dont' have a lot of friends since I've moved back to my hometown, although I do have a boyfriend up here. I go visit my friends from college a lot, but even they are falling apart as some are still in the college mindset (even if they're out of school) and some are getting married. I dont' really know where I'm supposed to be.

So right now, I just go to work, come home, hang out with my BF or alone, go to bed, repeat. On the weekends I might take a trip to see my college friends. And I keep doing the same thing over and over every day, every week, just hoping that somewhere along the line I'll go "aha! This is the next turn my life should take"

kenzie · Chanel

Me! Me! Me! I'm so bored at my job and I hate where I live. I've been here for three years now and I have hardly any girlfriends here because I just can't relate to anyone I meet (they're all in the get married, have kids, be a stay-at-home mom phase and I'm so not there) and the one person I did meet that was cool moved away a year ago (ahem...jrhampt). And it's just boring here and I miss the city and relative proximity to the beach.

Things are great with the bf and he's willing to move to the West Coast with me, but we can't move until I finish grad school, which will be in May 2010. I know that really isn't that long and time will fly, but in the interim, I need to find a job that doesn't bore me and at least a few people I can relate to so I can have a little more fun than I've been having.

Basically, I feel like I'm playing a waiting game and I hate it. I really want to enjoy the present and the things that are going on in my life right now, but really, there's not that much going on to get excited about.

Elle · Hermes

I'm not currently in a funk because things are moving so fast I can barely keep up. But that's only after a good 3 years or so that I spent in one big chronic funk!

You like to travel, don't you? Is there somewhere you'd like to go that can be researched and planned for?

Any upcoming concerts in the park? Roof parties to attend or throw? New restaurants you haven't tried? Different routes to take to work?

I also like to read when I'm in a funk. I read about whatever feels good at the time - in the moment it's an escape from the funk, but it usually leads to something else ... a new interest to explore or sometimes new people.

Life doesn't proceed in a linear fashion - sometimes everything is happening and sometimes nothing is happening. This is your time to sit back and take inventory of what you have and what you want before the next wave of everything happening picks you up again

.

lynnie · Chanel

Elle wrote:

I'm not currently in a funk because things are moving so fast I can barely keep up. But that's only after a good 3 years or so that I spent in one big chronic funk!

You like to travel, don't you? Is there somewhere you'd like to go that can be researched and planned for?

Any upcoming concerts in the park? Roof parties to attend or throw? New restaurants you haven't tried? Different routes to take to work?

I also like to read when I'm in a funk. I read about whatever feels good at the time - in the moment it's an escape from the funk, but it usually leads to something else ... a new interest to explore or sometimes new people.

Life doesn't proceed in a linear fashion - sometimes everything is happening and sometimes nothing is happening. This is your time to sit back and take inventory of what you have and what you want before the next wave of everything happening picks you up again .

it's true! Life isn't necessarily linear.

I actually do a lot of your suggestions (which are great!) and read constantly. To an outsider, I don't think my life is that boring. We had a big roof party on Friday which was great and a ton of fun.

I think a lot of my "funk" stems from questioning the value of a lot of my relationships right now. I have a lot of friends, and some great ones, but sometimes I feel I really miss the ones that just .. get it. IE my sister (far away), best friend back home, a good boyfriend...
A lot of my friends i feel are simply one step above a drinking buddy.

I also require a certain amount of alone time and that is hard to find in the summer since I never want to miss out on things. In general, NYC makes me feel somewhat distracted and spread too thin from too many options. I know that seems like a silly thing to complain about but almost everyone living here feels a similar sentiment. But then, I am so used to all the distractions at this point that I often get bored in other cities..

I remember reading something about the loss of sense of home that the ex-pat writing circle felt in 20's Paris. Not only did they lose it but felt it wasn't something they could ever get back. I feel that way now.

I hope my ramblings make sense to someone..I don't want to complain about nothing. I am very thankful, just slightly lost.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

lynnie wrote:

I remember reading something about the loss of sense of home that the ex-pat writing circle felt in 20's Paris. Not only did they lose it but felt it wasn't something they could ever get back. I feel that way now.

I hope my ramblings make sense to someone..I don't want to complain about nothing. I am very thankful, just slightly lost.

I feel like this fairly often, even when everything is going great. Not really sure what the solution is, but i do understand.

Metric · Gucci

I'm in a super-funk. I just feel so blah with life and its making me super grumpy.

I like my job but I don't love my job. Its ok, boss is ok, people are nice but it's not my dream, you know? I'm not even sure what my dream job is. I'm just not in the mood to work right now. I took last summer off and can't get back into a working mode.

Things in my life are all good, I just can't get excited about anything right now. I feel almost like I've been burned so many times (bad boyfriends, disappointing jobs, etc) that I've lost the part of me that gets excited about life. I try not to be cynical but I'm not light-hearted either. I think a lot of it steams from being broke, too. I always think if I had more money, I could have more fun and worry less. I don't know.

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

Actually I was telling my friend today that I was scared that something bad was about to happen because even though I am in a funk like you everything that I do have going on seems to be going well without any major issues. I hate having this funk/good/bad feeling mixed together all at once.

kenzie · Chanel

Metric wrote:

Things in my life are all good, I just can't get excited about anything right now. I feel almost like I've been burned so many times (bad boyfriends, disappointing jobs, etc) that I've lost the part of me that gets excited about life. I try not to be cynical but I'm not light-hearted either.

I feel like this, too. Sometimes I feel like I'm a shell of my former, fun-loving self and I wonder where on earth she went. I know a large part of it comes from just not having that many friends where I live. I used to live in the city and all my friends were right there. Now, they're scattered all over the place, I hardly ever see them and I'm not meeting any new people I can relate to. Actually, I am meeting people in grad school and some of them are really cool, but since grad school is an hour away, so are most of these people. So, again I'm faced with the issue of no friends in the immediate area.

Elle · Hermes

lynnie wrote:

I think a lot of my "funk" stems from questioning the value of a lot of my relationships right now. I have a lot of friends, and some great ones, but sometimes I feel I really miss the ones that just .. get it. IE my sister (far away), best friend back home, a good boyfriend...
A lot of my friends i feel are simply one step above a drinking buddy.

I hope my ramblings make sense to someone..I don't want to complain about nothing. I am very thankful, just slightly lost.

I definitely hear you there! I lost my best friend recently and it's been really hard - the people who get you and accept you with no explaining or questions are so few to begin with. I've never been someone who keeps alot of casual friends, and I keep even less now that I'm an adult. I find the energy they take is more than they give. But you can't exactly force meaningful relationships with friends or boyfriends, so I know what it's like to feel lonely even though you're surrounded by people.

When my husband was in school and we were living in a city I hated, I literally had zero friends. Nada. I had my husband of course, but the only other person I spoke to on a non-work related basis was our roommate. Those were a tough couple of years, and I actually found ST during that time (well, FH but you know what I mean). It helped to have people I 'knew' and could turn to when I had nobody IRL that would understand.

I have no advice on how to make more 'real' friends, much less good real friends! All the ones I have/had appeared in my life sometimes in spite of what I did

, antisocial person I am. I hope a few good ones come your way soon

.

cat · Marc Jacobs

I can totally relate to what everyone has said. Ive been in a huge funk for the past year. I think it stems from moving to a new city. Even though I love where I am living, I havent managed to make any new friends because I am always so busy with school or work. Mine also comes from the fact that I feel like I should be done with school by now, but changing my major has slowed me down, even though it will mean a more stable career once I finish this degree and go onto grad school. For a a long time I never wanted to get married or have children, and within the past year I have been feeling so guilty and selfish for just thinking about myself ,college and my future career and never trying to make room in my life for having a family. I wonder sometimes if maybe I have been too wrapped up in my education and somehow missed the bigger picture.

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

I am not in a funk, it's just that work is miserable right now. I am burned out.

I work in an office that is several miles away from my boss's office. But, because of an urgent project that is an absolute mess, I am back on her "radar" again. I used to go weeks without having to talk with her, now she calls me practically every day. I don't want to be around people at all--but my entire job is about interacting with people. I'm not sleeping well, and I just hate being stuck in this over-air conditioned, windowless box for 9 hours a day.

blink · Coach

Yes. Major.

My problem is that I have only one close friend now who lives in my area. I have a handful of other close friends who I go way back with and and who get me, but they are scattered throughout the country. My former roommate just moved back to our hometown and I miss her greatly, even though I didn't see her all the time, knowing I could pop in to town and meet her for lunch if we needed to catch up was a major comfort I don't have anymore.

I have recently recognized that in the early years of my marriage and the majority of my 20's, I hyper-focused on my husband and his million friends and played the "smug married type." His social life kept me busy and I didn't make time for new friendships of my own even though I had only lived in this city for a short time. I didn't even call up a friend if he felt like turning in early on a Saturday night. So I lost touch and now I wish I had that free time back.

I miss the days when making friends came so easily I didn't even have to make an effort. Now that I want to make an effort, lots of people have settled into their own lives and don't seem to need new friends and single girls seem to look at me weird for wanting to go out and have a life without my husband.

It's going to get better, but until then...I am in a funk!

-- Edited by blink at 12:34, 2008-07-07

subwolley · Kate Spade

I am also in the same boat! I feel that change is on the horizon, but I don't know which direction I should go. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my career. I have a job, it has its pros and cons. I have applied for numerous other jobs, but I can't seem to find any other work. And sometimes I think, maybe I really don't want another job, even if I hate the one I have at times, because it sucks adjusting to a new job. So then I think, maybe I should start my own business, but I am not in a position where I can work for myself right now, and that's a lot of work that I don't know if I have the energy for.

I just feel stuck. Don't know which way to go. I just don't see a clear answer yet, and I'm waiting for that answer to hit me.

manhattanmonkey · Kenneth Cole

Oh my yes.

One of my good friends keeps saying "you really want to do something don't you?"

I feel like I finished school, took a 2 week break at home (doing nothing but looking for apartments, etc.) and started my job. Wam-Bam. Now I'm working at the same place I worked last summer and living less than 10 miles from the town where I went to school.

I'm not in college anymore and a lot of my friends I can't relate to anymore. My best friend is back in our hometown and we're both busy.

I really, really want to take a vacation. I don't think my parents would allow me to travel very far on my own and I don't know who to go with anyway, but I need to get away.

subwolley · Kate Spade

I wanted to also mention that trying new things helps me feel like I'm doing more than just working all the time. Lately, I've been picking up new hobbies such as cooking, art, knitting, etc. Also, it helps me to go out more during the week with friends, or go walking around town with the bf. I just try to make the most of my time after work during the week, instead of living weekend to weekend.

manhattanmonkey · Kenneth Cole

subwolley wrote:

I wanted to also mention that trying new things helps me feel like I'm doing more than just working all the time. Lately, I've been picking up new hobbies such as cooking, art, knitting, etc. Also, it helps me to go out more during the week with friends, or go walking around town with the bf. I just try to make the most of my time after work during the week, instead of living weekend to weekend.

I try to do this too. I love cooking and I'm loving decorating my apartment; that's helped me - making my space cool and comfortable.

kenzie · Chanel

subwolley wrote:

I wanted to also mention that trying new things helps me feel like I'm doing more than just working all the time. Lately, I've been picking up new hobbies such as cooking, art, knitting, etc. Also, it helps me to go out more during the week with friends, or go walking around town with the bf. I just try to make the most of my time after work during the week, instead of living weekend to weekend.

Me too! I've been throwing myself into desiging jewelry and trying to take up new crafts (next on the agenda- soap making). I'm somewhat of a disaster in the kitchen, largely because I hate following recipes and just throw things together. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't and the bf is forced to eat it anyway. But, I need to start cooking more interesting things (and cook them correctly). I would also love to learn how to sew. I can't even sew on a button or fix a torn hem in my pants. I'm pathetic!

subwolley · Kate Spade

kenzie wrote:

subwolley wrote:

I wanted to also mention that trying new things helps me feel like I'm doing more than just working all the time. Lately, I've been picking up new hobbies such as cooking, art, knitting, etc. Also, it helps me to go out more during the week with friends, or go walking around town with the bf. I just try to make the most of my time after work during the week, instead of living weekend to weekend.

Me too! I've been throwing myself into desiging jewelry and trying to take up new crafts (next on the agenda- soap making). I'm somewhat of a disaster in the kitchen, largely because I hate following recipes and just throw things together. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't and the bf is forced to eat it anyway. But, I need to start cooking more interesting things (and cook them correctly). I would also love to learn how to sew. I can't even sew on a button or fix a torn hem in my pants. I'm pathetic!

You and me both sista! Sewing...what...I can barely stitch up a hole. As for cooking, I like what I cook, but my bf doesn't, so I'm trying to learn new things to cook. I've been watching the food network nonstop and searching the web for new reciepes. And knitting, I just thought it would be fun to do. I bet I'll start and never get past making a potholder.