STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

What would you do?

NCshopper · Hermes

I agree with you too--I'd want a hotel room in that case. If you think there's no way of getting out of it without hurting feelings or anything, could you maybe compromise and stay there for one night and stay in a hotel the other nights?

jettie · Kate Spade

I agree with NCshopper, if he is adamant, maybe stay with the friend one night and then get a hotel for the rest of your trip.

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

It's easy for me to sit here and be like, "oh just stay in a hotel," but I know the pressure you feel is real and difficult. I hope that you can plan and have a relaxing vacation. The compromise of staying one night seems like a good option. Maybe you can just hang out one day with the friend and his family.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

hotel. For sure.

Kelly · Hermes

Do you think he wants to stay with the friend because of money or because he misses his friend?

cahabo · Kate Spade

It's your birthday, it should be your way!

Hermione · Kate Spade

I would just straight up tell him that you think staying in a hotel is part of the fun and the whole "getaway" feeling and if you guys stay with his friends, you'll feel obligated to do what they want to, you'll have to be back at a certain time, probably have to invite them to alot of stuff that you do or change your plans to something that will accomodate theirs - tell him that if he wants to you guys can plan another trip that can be more about spending time with them, but this is your birthday/ vacay w bf time.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

A vacation is not staying in some kids bedroom! You can visit his friends a couple times without actually staying the night.

I agree with Hermoine about feeling obligated to his friends, you won't end up doing anything you want, and having to invite them on all your outings. I just wouldn't be comfortable in that situation.

It's YOUR birthday!

kenzie · Chanel

ttara123 wrote:

Do you think he wants to stay with the friend because of money or because he misses his friend?

Neither, really. According to him it would be nice to save money, but we don't have to and he doesn't talk to this friend very often. He just thought it might be fun. Whaa?? Fun?? I don't even know these people! And how awkward would it be to stay in a kid's room while the kid sleeps on the couch.

But honestly, I don't even want to go if we have to stay with his friend. I know that sounds horrible and bratty, but I want a vacation. I don't want to have to work around their schedule and feel uncomfortable staying in someone's house who I don't know nor do I want this to turn into a visit with his friend for the whole week. If I'd have known this was going to be an issue, we'd be going to a part of California that's nowhere near this friend. This has me in a bad mood.

I'm going to try to talk to him about it again tonight. He's usually fairly reasonable about these things.

jrhampt · Kenneth Cole

I agree with everyone else who says you should stand your ground and go with the hotel. I totally understand how you feel, because when Matt and I go visit family on vacation, I always try to get a hotel as well. Staying with other people on vacation sucks if you don't see each other very often. Just tell him that you'd feel awkward having sex in his friend's kid's bed and he'll be getting a lot more sex if you're in a hotel. Hopefully that does it.

kenzie · Chanel

jrhampt wrote:

I agree with everyone else who says you should stand your ground and go with the hotel. I totally understand how you feel, because when Matt and I go visit family on vacation, I always try to get a hotel as well. Staying with other people on vacation sucks if you don't see each other very often. Just tell him that you'd feel awkward having sex in his friend's kid's bed and he'll be getting a lot more sex if you're in a hotel. Hopefully that does it.

I remember you saying about how you and Matt always got hotel rooms when you visited your parents. Funny thing- what you said about sex was my first thought exactly. I would feel so icky and creepy!

-- Edited by kenzie at 11:51, 2008-06-26

jacL · Coach

Thank his friend for his offer of hospitality but definately stay in a hotel!

travelgirl · Kate Spade

jrhampt wrote:

I agree with everyone else who says you should stand your ground and go with the hotel. I totally understand how you feel, because when Matt and I go visit family on vacation, I always try to get a hotel as well. Staying with other people on vacation sucks if you don't see each other very often. Just tell him that you'd feel awkward having sex in his friend's kid's bed and he'll be getting a lot more sex if you're in a hotel. Hopefully that does it.

HaHa! This is exactly what I was going to say. This response will work!

blubirde · Chanel

kenzie wrote:

ttara123 wrote:

Do you think he wants to stay with the friend because of money or because he misses his friend?

Neither, really. According to him it would be nice to save money, but we don't have to and he doesn't talk to this friend very often. He just thought it might be fun. Whaa?? Fun?? I don't even know these people! And how awkward would it be to stay in a kid's room while the kid sleeps on the couch.
But honestly, I don't even want to go if we have to stay with his friend. I know that sounds horrible and bratty, but I want a vacation. I don't want to have to work around their schedule and feel uncomfortable staying in someone's house who I don't know nor do I want this to turn into a visit with his friend for the whole week. If I'd have known this was going to be an issue, we'd be going to a part of California that's nowhere near this friend. This has me in a bad mood.
I'm going to try to talk to him about it again tonight. He's usually fairly reasonable about these things.

I feel you completely. Visiting friends and/or family (even mine but especially his) is more pressure than anything else. I'm a slightly socially inept pleaser. As such I try to make people happy and like me (if I think they matter, not just random strangers), but the socially inept part makes me feel like my jaw is wired shut and I can't think of a thing to say. It's actually a totally weird part of my personality. Normally I'm a very social, outgoing person, but when I'm around people I feel I need to impress or make like me, I lose all sense of reality and behave like a crazy person, i.e. pleaser with social ineptitude.

So, all of that said, I know what it's like to feel pressure to "get along" and "make friends," so to speak. And I am right there with you about not wanting to go at all. I'd rather stay at home and watch daytime tv for a week than spend my vacation in the above-described state (or anything like it).

I think the answer is straight-up compromise. You agree to hang out with his friends one day and/or night and let that be that. The rest of the time is your time, as in yours and his together, no one else. He gives some, you give some, and everyone walks away generally happy.

I'm curious to hear how your conversation goes with him tonight!

kenzie · Chanel

blubirde wrote:

I'm curious to hear how your conversation goes with him tonight!

Well, we're going to stay in a hotel. I told him that's what I'd rather do and why and he said, "Okay, that's fine. Whatever you want."

That was easy.