STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Elle · Hermes

Opinions, please?

ILoveChoo · Hermes

In all honestly, I'd leave off that whole second paragraph. It seem a bit chatty and almost seems like an invite for a reply tellign about their christmas. I don't think the first paragraph alone is too harsh.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :sad:

Elle · Hermes

Yeah, probably too chatty. I was just trying to soften the gift refusal a bit.

How's this?

Mom and Dad,

Just wanted to let you know that I received your note. I appreciate the thought, but would rather not exchange gifts this year. I'm still hurt and trying to sort through my feelings, and hope you can understand that I need some space to do that.

Hope you had a nice holiday. Say hi to (brothersname) for me.

Merry (late) Christmas

relrel · Marc Jacobs

Blargh. Okay, take this with a big grain of salt knowing that I belive deeply and wholeheartedly that family should not get extra special treatment because they are family-- everybody deserves respect and if that respect is withhold for some reason then it shouldn't make a difference whether the offender is a friend, family member, or stranger. Blood does not give allowances for shitty, disrespectful behavior. You can't choose your family, but you can sure as hell choose not to associate with family who doesn't treat you like you deserve.

That being said, I agree with ILC. The note is fine, but I would take off that second paragraph. No offense being implied given that I don't know the situation, but your parents have no business knowing about what sort of Christmas you had.

The gift thing would really really bother me. Why buy gifts for somebody who you decided wasn't able to handle/worth knowing/whatever the reason about XYZ? Without knowing that's really going on, I find the XYZ disrespectful and it just seems odd to accept presents from someone who would disrespect you like that.

I mean, think about it this way: you are still working through this emotionally and this is still something you haven't really figured out yet, do you want whatever the present is to sit on your windowsill/kitchentable/etc and stare at you?

-- Edited by relrel at 18:25, 2007-12-26

littlebean · Kate Spade

Either way is fine. To me, the chatty part in the first version did soften the gift refusal -- but if you don't want to speak to them at all then maybe it is better to leave it off.

Sorry you're going through this.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I think the second one is fine.

probabaly none of my business (so sort of a hypothetical), but if they got a divorce what on earth were they doing bringing you a gift together in the first place?

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 13:46, 2007-12-26

Elle · Hermes

I've been thinking about finding a therapist myself, to try to help me sort through the feelings this had brought up about how they've treated me over the years, and to help me articulate my feelings to them in a way that will have some impact. I don't think I want to end my relationship with them completely, but don't feel like I have the ability to talk to them about this yet AND I can't stand small-talking with them - it just makes me want to scream about all the things left unsaid. Does that make sense? I want to leave the door unlocked but I'm not ready to open it yet, or something like that.

edited for privacy

-- Edited by Elle at 16:16, 2007-12-26

ILoveChoo · Hermes

((((hugs)))) I'm sorry

Elle · Hermes

relrel wrote:

The gift thing would really really bother me. Why buy gifts for somebody who you decided wasn't able to handle/worth knowing/whatever the reason about your divorce? Without knowing that's really going on, I find the not telling about the divorce disrespectful and it just seems odd to accept presents from someone who would disrespect you like that.

Exactly. I think they just never said anything because it's an awkward subject and my mom knew I'd be (understandably!) upset and didn't want to upset me. So they just never said anything, to 'protect' me, and protecting me was what she wanted to do because that's what's best for me. I think that's the logic, however twisted.

I really don't want any gift they'd give, which is why I'm refusing. Who wants to receive gifts from someone who's treated you that way and doesn't think they've done anything wrong? But they're to show me how much they loooove me and how important I am to them. Truth is they hardly know me, and are akward about it so they pretend I'm still the person I was as a teenager. That also makes getting gifts from them painful, because it just reveals how little they know about who you really are NOW.

edited for privacy

-- Edited by Elle at 16:17, 2007-12-26

squishy · Coach

i agree that the second one sounds good.

i'm so sorry. there was no need for them to drop in/crap on your holidays like that.

:hot chocolate:

Elle · Hermes

I went ahead and sent the second version. I really, really appreciate your support and opinions

. Thank you! Gets hard to keep things straight sometimes. Going to take down the stories now because it feels weird to have it all hanging so far out, but I'll be back to update and probably ask more advice as things progress.

brazilian · Dooney & Bourke

Well, I just want to say good luck with whatever may come.

relrel · Marc Jacobs

Elle wrote:

I want to leave the door unlocked but I'm not ready to open it yet, or something like that.

Maybe you need to open the front door to let some sunshine in but keep the screen door locked to keep out the bugs? How does that metaphor work?