STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Elle · Hermes

Should I stay or should I go?

erin · Chanel

well the grass is always greener. didn't you guys buy a house? that is something to consider, it could take awhile to sell depending on the market in your area. also what would the income levels be in both cities? ie, would you be doing better where you are now, or in denver? (which i thought was more expensive?)

subwolley · Kate Spade

Sounds like you really like Denver more. Personally, I don't live in the same state as my parents, and if I did, they would probably drive me crazy. I would suggest doing what's in your heart, and not for your family. They can always be a short plane ride away. You don't have to live in the same town to have a good relationship with them. Maybe try to write down the good and bad points of living in either city, and what your future goals are. Try to figure out what you would have to do if you did move again. Doing these things might help you see what road you should take.

Elle · Hermes

Erin - The grass is always greener is the exact scenario I'm worried about! More for my husband than myself, though. If we did move back to Denver, Mr. Elle would likely get another raise, so he'd be making a dollar or two more an hour there than here (where he also just got a raise). They also have rockin' retirement benefits (a big draw for him). We'd be able to buy a nicer, newer, more finished home there for the same price we paid for our house here.

Subwolley - They are indeed driving us a bit crazy. Being involved more in their daily lives and vice versa is proving more of a strain than anything. We're afraid though that them being a ($300+) plane ride away means that they'd expect us to fly home for vacations and holidays, which wouldn't be desirable or possible for us. My mother threw a huge crying hissy fit when we didn't come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas when we lived there, and them flying to see us is even less feasible (and less desirable!). More guilt, you see. How does that situation work with your families?

... too ...... hard .....

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

It sounds like you prefer Denver for a few reasons: your friends, the benefits of Mr. Elle's job, and being away from your families. Putting aside the strains your parents heap on you now, are there other things about your hometown that make you happy? Could you and Mr. Elle try distancing yourself from your families while living in the same area? Either way, put yourselves first here -- don't let what your families want influence your decision. Your mom will have to accept sooner or later that you won't spend every holiday/vacation with them, either now or in the future.

littlebean · Kate Spade

From what you've told us so far, it sounds like being in Denver is the right thing to do. It's the place that feels right and where you both are happiest. I don't think there's anything crazy about people moving around a decent amount in their early-to-mid-twenties as they figure out what is right for themselves -- although you probably want to make a mental commitment that this move will be your last one for a while.

I think that with time your families may understand that you and your husband are your own family now, and that it may not always be possible for you all to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I am close with my family, but I have had to spend a few Thanksgivings apart from my family and my boyfriend didn't go home for Christmas this past year. It's just what happens for a lot of people. And you can save money and buy the plane tickets home for at least one good visit a year if not several (usually Thanksgiving and Christmas are so close together that it isn't worth it to go home twice in 30 days).

Sandy · Kate Spade

Ehhh... just go back to Denver!

No, honestly, it sounds like you would be much happier there. If you do move and decide that you want to go back to your hometown, you'll never have to wonder. I feel like you're not happy where you are, and if you stay there will be too much "what if?" You can always move back home if the grass turns out to be not so green. Your families will get used to the Elle-less holidays, and being far away will make you more fond of and less burdened by them. Do what you think is right for you and Mr. and not anyone else.

Keep us posted!

Hermes

I can totally appreciate distance from the family. From what you have written, it sounds like you'd be much happier in Denver...

subwolley · Kate Spade

Hello Elle,
Well my families too get upset when we don't come home for holidays. For example last year I didn't come home. Just because I didn't want to, and I wanted to have a stress free holiday in my own home. Even though they were upset, they got over it. My excuse was that it was too expensive to fly, and that I'm old enough to start my own hoilday traditions. Also I said I had to work, which I did, and it would be pointless to fly all that way just to turn around and come right back. Needless to say, I had a happy holiday last year. Sometimes the parents are the ones who need to let go.

Elle · Hermes

There is the pull of where we live now though, don't get me wrong. Because we grew up here it greatly influenced how we live our lives, and that can be problematic. Things that, while small, are part of everyday life here and it feels weird to be without them. Like, gardening. Or even just being able to smell the grass, and having everything be green all the time instead of brown. Or access to inexpensive quality produce year round. And no sales tax. And recycling. And great public transportation. And the beach. And no wind or hard freezes. And just the general crunchy NW liberal vibe we have here. I missed all those things on a daily basis when we were in Denver.

I know it's just about trade-offs, but it's really hard to qualify them against each other. Some of things that seem inconsequential in the big picture really affect everyday life more than some of the 'bigger' things.

Oh blah, blah, blah! Thanks for your perspective ladies. I'll update later if there's anything to update about ..,.

-- Edited by Elle at 11:07, 2007-06-26