STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

well, you live once (that we are aware of )

I think it sounds like a really cool thing to do... Maybe you should ask yourself what you will gain from traveling like this and ask yourself what you would gain from staying and traveling gradually.

I've asked myself hard questions like this lately.  Like what do I gain from buying a $2000 bag.  I know it's not the same as travel, but what is it that you really hope to gain from this experience?  Are they ego driven? Can you gain the same benefits by not leaving everything behind and doing it gradually?

There's no reason you can't travel over time - it doesn't have to be done in one fell swoop, unless there is an aspect of leaving for years that I'm not aware of.

My personal thought on pets is that they are not disposable (even though they go to your father.) It's my opinion when you get a pet, you take on the pet for it's life.  It sounds like you love your pets very much too and it would be very painful to leave them.

On the other side of the coin, you can't take money with you, and it's important to live life so that you don't have regrets on your deathbed.  That's how I try to live. In other words, carpe diem.

I don't know if I helped, but those were my initial thoughts...

Well if I were you, I would base my decision on how good your relationship is with your BF. If you guys are really serious and KNOW that you two will have a future together, I would go. It could be an exciting opportunity. But if you are not sure where you guys stand in the future, I wouldn't go. No need to ruin your own life for someone else's plan.

I don't know. I personally won't ever do something like that just because of the emotional strain of uprooting myself and leaving my family. Especially now that you're in such a good place. But I know that wordliness is a valuable thing for many people, and worth that strain. So basically I'm not saying anything helpful here

How long have you and BF been together, and how long did you expect to be together? I ask because if he'll only be gone for a year or two and planned on marrying you anyway, then maybe you guys can try it long-distance for a while. Maybe you could take a couple mini vacations to come see him in certain key cities every couple months, which would be less of a burden on you. I love BF to pieces and we plan to get married in the next couple years, but if he wanted to go away for a year or two I wouldn't go with him. I would wait for him, but if he tried to tell me that he would dump me if I wouldn't go, then I wouldn't stay with him. I mean, if you're planning on marrying someone than something like this shouldn't make a difference in those plans...just a temporary setback. I don't want to marry someone who would see me as that kind if disposable. And if you're not planning on spending the rest of your life with someone, then is is worth it to wait multiple years? Do you really want to do this, or do you want to do it to keep BF happy?

Mandy wrote:

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 This trip is BF's idea. He was planning to do it before we started dating, I loved the idea so it became our trip. I think at the time I was getting frustrated with work and wanted a change.

 

 

 

Heres my 2 cents...

 

Live your life for your happiness and well being. I think this trip was more about your BF's life and happiness and you sorta took it on as your own because you hit a personal rough spot in your personal life. Now that things have ironed themselves out and life seems to be heading in the direction you want it too, I would stay put. That seems to be you living out your dream, just like travel is your BF's dream.

Also wanted to add, you sound like you really dont want to go and you are coming up with every excuse to stay put. To me that is a sign you really want to stay home.

Gosh, this is tough. I see both sides here.

On one hand, traveling can be an incredible experience, especially if you've never traveled before. It can be an incredibly worthwhile experience anyway, but if you've never really been outside of the country, then it can be a real eye opener. But I want to say based on your previous posts that you've done a fair amount of traveling abroad before--is that right? If so, what do you think you would gain from this trip (or series of trips) in particular? Where would you be going? Are these places that you could reach easily if you wanted to take smaller vacations? (It sounds like that's not the case, but I thought I'd double check.)

On the other hand, I feel like there comes a time in one's life when people start to earn decent money and their life is on a "track." Getting off that track, while it can be worthwhile, can be extremely disruptive financially, emotionally and professionally. How difficult would it be for you to get back on track once you came back from this trip? Would it mean starting over professionally? If so, is it worth it?

It's really a tough call to make and it all has to do with your comfort level. For me personally, at this point in my life, I'd take professional growth and more money-making capability than travel experience, because I know that one will fund the other as I get older.  I'm okay with that. On the other hand, I've done a fair amount of traveling in the past, so don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.  If I didn't have that experience behind me, I may feel more like I'm missing out.

Anyway, regardless of all of that, don't base your decision on the boy. As cheesy as it is, if you let the guy go, he'll come back to you if he's a keeper. If he doesn't, then he wasn't worth it anyway. But don't be talked into something that will derail your financial, professional, and personal plans just to make him happy.

-- Edited by NCshopper at 22:42, 2007-06-06

I have done a fair amount of traveling before. The plan was to start in Buenos Aires or Montevideo and take Spanish classes then backpack around South America for the rest of the year. I have been to Peru and Ecuador for a week each and loved it. I love traveling, and I love the idea of taking a break from "real life" for a year or two to travel, but now thats its becoming reality it doesn't seem so practical.

I am a legal assistant. For most that probably doesn't seem like a career, its not what I planned to do, but now that I'm here I like it. I was getting tired of my job because its not that challenging/fulfilling but we are growing the firm and taking on new practice areas. I think it would really benefit me to get that experience and I'm interested to learn. I absolutely hate looking for jobs so I dread finding a new one if I were to leave and come back. My house note is really high and it might be tough for me to find another position making what I do now to cover it. I would drain my savings while down there leaving just enough to cover myself for a few months when I get back. I would really be relying on the BF to still be around when I get back to help. He makes a lot more than me and can get a job much more easily.

So I told BF last night that I didn't think I wanted to go then I cried hysterically for the rest of the night. He was surprised and I think he really needs time to process things before I know what will happen next. I think this may be it for us though. I asked if he thought we could make it work long distance if I came to visit and he said the didn't think so. I don't know what to do now. Maybe he will change is mind and we can work it out.

Mandy, i'm sorry to hear about what you're going through.  hang in there. ~HUGS~

first off, i'm so sorry :(  Hope you feel better.

I wanted to add my thoughts on the original topic because its something that has been coming up in my life a lot lately (i'm almost 24).  My roommate is leaving this September actually for what was going to be at least a year of traveling, starting off in Australia or New Zealand.  I had been fighting extreme feelings of jealousy a few months ago- thinking that i'd never get that chance again (I was invited but would have to quit my job) and like I missed my chance in college (i didn't study abroad due to an old boyfriend.)  She's going with a couple mutual friends and I would get so sad thinking about how settled my life feels sometimes.  I have a good opportunity at my job and know that while it isn't right for me forever, it's definitely a step in the right direction and I want to stay at least another year.  The boy I'm dating lives across the country though and I was feeling very upset and tied down that I wasn't just traveling about, visiting him, and seeing the world.  I felt "trapped" and like i couldn't even take enough time off to see the boy.
Fast forward to right now.  Summer time in NYC is so fun.  My sister moved up here for a couple months before she starts her senior year of college.  I have good friends, a great city, and the girl that's going to travel in September met a boy and now SHE doesn't even want to travel as long, or go at all anymore (kind of lame, but i guess it happens..)
I now realize that you can only follow your own timeline.  It isnt necessarily right for me to leave now, but maybe in the next year or two.  It's also something that you could always do alone or with a close friend- it doesn't have to be a boyfriend.  In fact, if you hadn't really been dating for a long time, it may have been too much.  I think you sound happy where you are.  I think he should go, you should stay, and listen to your gut throughout.  You can have the chance again. Maybe a year or two is too long.  Who knows.

I'm sorry to hear that, Mandy. Things will work out though, one way or another. Kudos to you for doing what you want and not jeopardizing your financial future just to go along with what your bf wants.