STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

bri · BCBG

what does this mean?...

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I think that what you're going through is very common. I have read that most relationships seem to peak with lust and the newness of the relationship.. then they plateau once everything becomes familiar.

If he is getting mean, maybe he's going through a tough time and is taking it out on you. Maybe you can talk to him about it and get to the root of what is really causing him to act this way.

I have learned that relationships are work - things don't just blossom unless you feed and nourish it. I would suggest spending time alone together and mixing up your scenery - maybe take a weekend trip somewhere (or vacation), go to the museum, paint, build something - bring it back to the dating days when you first fell for eachother.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

If you're hanging onto a guy who is "mean" to you becasue you're worried that he'll go to waste, otherwise, (and no wonder you aren't attracted to him - most peole aren't turned on by cruel behavior). then I wouldn't worry about it. Because it's not your job to efficiently utilize the male population of "nice" guys (but if he's being mean to you, how nice are we talking here?).

If you're hanging onto him because you fear losing someone who is into you and wants a relationship and you think if you let him go you'll end up dating a series of guys who are and want neither, well, that's kind of true. Giving him up will make you single. Single does require one to kiss a certain amount of scheming and manipulative frogs before you find another guy who can treat you well. The problem, as I see it, is that you are already goign through somethign that is at least as bad as dating - which is spending every day with someone who does not treat you well (or seem particularly interested in trying, or he would have changed after talking about it) and then not having sex with him. (I don't blame you at all, who would?) And that, I'm sorry to say, is exactly what my dating life is like as a single person.

So I think you have nothing to lose. Demand he shape up. Dump him. Whatever. You're already in a situation that is at least as bad as being single.

Kelly · Hermes

I agree with XtinaStyles. It sounds like you're probably over the "honeymoon stage" (I feel like Dr. Phil when I say that!) He's still hot but you don't have to have him RIGHT NOW anymore, you know? Do you just not want to make out with him, or do you not want to do anything? I ask (and you can take that question as rhetorical, I'm just bringing it up) because maybe something beyond either of your control has effected your libido, like a new medicine or something. And sometimes stuff like that just waxes and wanes, as does his good mood.

I'm not trying to belittle your problems. I'm just saying that these sound like things you could potentially work through, instead of reasons to jump ship immediately. If you still feel like this a little futher on down the road, you can always leave then. Maybe these will end up being huge problems that you just can't work out and end up parting ways. But maybe you're just at a rough patch. It sounds like you still really want to be with him and work it out. I think that's a good sign.

blubirde · Chanel

ttara123 wrote:

I agree with XtinaStyles. It sounds like you're probably over the "honeymoon stage" (I feel like Dr. Phil when I say that!) He's still hot but you don't have to have him RIGHT NOW anymore, you know? Do you just not want to make out with him, or do you not want to do anything? I ask (and you can take that question as rhetorical, I'm just bringing it up) because maybe something beyond either of your control has effected your libido, like a new medicine or something. And sometimes stuff like that just waxes and wanes, as does his good mood.

I'm not trying to belittle your problems. I'm just saying that these sound like things you could potentially work through, instead of reasons to jump ship immediately. If you still feel like this a little futher on down the road, you can always leave then. Maybe these will end up being huge problems that you just can't work out and end up parting ways. But maybe you're just at a rough patch. It sounds like you still really want to be with him and work it out. I think that's a good sign.

ITA. My girlfriends and I are always discussing the subject of highs and lows in relationships. There are definitely times, with a SO, that things aren't as great as they could be. And sometimes they're not even that good. As long as those moments don't make up the majority of your relationship, I think it's fairly normal. Or at least workable.

I think the question is, if things are going well would you want to be with him? Not just for today and not just for next week but for the foreseeable future? If so, then try to work it out and put in the time and patience it takes to get through the rough patches. If not, then I think you have your answer.

Good luck!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I change my answer - if things are actually going well with you two, just a little less fun than usual, and you want to stay in the relationship, than it could be just a normal low.

I was worried becaue you just didn't sound happy, and you mentioned him being mean to you. And that he hasn't stopped being mean after discussion. For me, that point, looking back, was the warning sign that my relationship was heading into territory that wasn't good for me. But it doesn't necessarily have to be the same. As long as he's listening to you and being caring, the relationship could still be a good one.

Just be careful not to try really hard to stay with someone who is not being nice to you, just because "He's such a nice guy..." Ok? One of my best friends is breaking up with one of those right now. And believe me, he took the "I am only mean to you because I'm upset right now..." to the extreme! (I so want to kill him). So her experience, and my former experience with my ex (another nice guy who kept being mean) colored my previous answer.