STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kelly · Hermes

how much did your major influence your career? (kind of long)

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

I don't know how much use my own experience will be, since my major was relatively open - International Studies with an emphasis in history and political science. That being said, I had only a very vague idea that I wanted to work in international business, or something international. I actually ended up working in retail for about 6 months after graduating, and met my current boss when she came into the store. I have a large number of friends who are working in things that have absolutely nothing to do with their majors, in jobs I would have thought required a more specialized degree. For example. web/graphic design, software testing, etc. In fact, I have a friend who works as a media planner/buyer, and when I asked her what the typical major was for people in her position, she said that people in her office had majors from all across the board.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that his major may seem limiting, but he just has to play up skills that are universal - sales abilities, interpersonal skills, communication, etc. For example, with his education skills, he may be able to go into HR/training? Or sales is a multi-purpose answer for people who don't have an exact career in mind.

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

While I can not help in the major/career end of this, I think it would be a shame to stick with something limiting that he knows he hates. And, just becasue he won't be 22 when he graduates shouldn't keep him from changing his major and being in school a bit longer. I took longer than the 4 years everyone plans on, and I'm glad for it.

Is changing schools an option? Myself and my hubby finally attended a school with an accelerated program, and got degrees faster and in what we wanted. Also, the accepted all our transfer credits, so nothing was lost. --Just something to consider and check in to.

Good luck, it's a hard decision to make!

-gd

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

Does he want to get out of Education totally or just the music part of it?

Kelly · Hermes

greendiamond- I don't know about changing schools, but I doubt it because all of the other ones around are way more expensive, and the cost is definitely an issue for him. I tried to tell him that there are a lot of ways you can finish college, like getting an associate's degree instead, or first, or doing part-time, etc. but I think all my suggestions are falling on deaf ears.

Farrah - he actually kind of just doesn't enjoy the whole thing. He started out wanting to be in music exclusively, but a professor convinced him to do music education so that he'd be able to fall back on teaching band or something if he had a hard time supporting himself just in music, but he really despises the idea of teaching music at any level. For a while he thought about dropping the education part and just getting a music degree. But I think he's unenthused about that, as well - he really likes music, and is really good at what he does, but it's very difficult to support yourself with music alone, and it takes a whole lot of time, and when he gets out of school he's looking to find something that will give him more time to spend for family, etc. He's talked to a couple professors and mentors, and it basically sounds like they all work 70-80 hrs a week either doing crappy jobs, practicing their instruments, or working on the occasional performance. It's just not something he wants, really. But I don't think he really understood everything until he got in the program and started having a lot more exposure to peers and mentors who are trying to make a living with this.

Suasoria · Chanel

null

This to me is the key: Plus, he doesn't even know what he'd switch his major to if he did

Leaving aside all the other baggage right now, this is the problem. Joseph Campbell said, and many others, "Follow your bliss." But your boyfriend doesn't know what his bliss is, so how can he go anywhere to find it?

I respect your opinion about a safe course of study that will make him employable, but you may want to be on heightened alert about anything you say that might sound like you're pushing him in a certain direction. You're giving him this advice (probably) because you know full well that without knowing his bliss, he's gonna have to do something to make a living. And true as that is, it smells like pressure.

Practically speaking, there's no reason he can't be working and paying his own living and schooling expenses. Most people have to do this at some point in our lives. There can be many unintended benefits for him if he does decide to quit being beholden to his parents for financial support - and it sounds like that's all the support he gets at the moment. You don't say whether they particularly want him to be doing this - they just want him off their hands as soon as possible. If that's the case, why not spare everyone the agony? He could cut everyone's losses quite simply by dropping out, getting a job he doesn't hate, and going there every day from Monday to Friday. When he feels better about his path, he can go back to school nights and weekends, like lots of people do, and proceed to achieve amazing things.

I have to admit it's hard for me to picture not being in love with cultural arts, and being equipped through advanced education to prepare for a career in that. What he's studying, to me anyway, is such a vital component of society. We so badly need people like him who can communicate the value of music, drama, art and dance. Is it possible that it's just losing the gleam of romance and idealism that this field used to hold for him, and he's just becoming a jaded and bitter person before his time?

To answer your real question, even though on paper I fell into my job, I wouldn't have made it a career without my educational background. Things have been loose and unconventional in terms of process. I was a linguistics major, the abstract study of language, and I'm a PR writer by trade. Most people with my education don't do anything close to what I do, but that doesn't mean I don't use it. But in reality, people with degrees in literature and comparative religion and philosophy get so-called "real jobs" every day. (No offense to people who have degrees in those fields...as a trained linguist, I can help in any way you need.)

Kelly · Hermes

Suasoria wrote:
I respect your opinion about a safe course of study that will make him employable, but you may want to be on heightened alert about anything you say that might sound like you're pushing him in a certain direction. You're giving him this advice (probably) because you know full well that without knowing his bliss, he's gonna have to do something to make a living. And true as that is, it smells like pressure.

I know that it sounds like pressure, and I'm always trying to toe that line without crossing it. We talk about this a lot, and for a while I couldn't figure out if he was trying to get my support to help him through it, or my support for him to quit. I feel like he thinks he's failing at this if he quits. Anyway, when he asks for advice I'm trying to give it to him in the least pressure-ing way possible. Part of me thinks that he just wants someone (especially me, since this whole situation effects the two of us and our future more than any other relationship he has) to give him permission to leave this major, tell him that doesn't mean he's failing, and help him with something else. He definitely recognizes that it's a problem that he hasn't found his bliss yet, and I think that's why he's reluctant to change, also. He's afraid that if he changes his major, he'll just end up being just as frustrated in the new one as he is in this one. He does really love music, and he does really enjoy a lot of his classes, etc. But I think he started to shy away from it when he realized what kind of lifestyle he'd have to have in order to make a career out of music. He's just not someone who can work at an unstable career for 80 hours a week, you know? So he just figures that if he suffers through it, and graduates, just the fact that he will have a college degree of any kind will open a lot more doors for him. And I guess I'm just trying to figure out how true that is.

I told him that if that's what he wants to do, I'll be perfectly happy eating Ramen noodles in a crappy apartment with him for a decade if he was afraid of it all just for the income potential, but that didn't seem to relieve any of his anxiety so I don't think that it's the money.

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

You say that he wants an job that will allow him to spend time with his family. That to me says teaching. Teaching allows you great flexibility because you can go to school and do just your job or you can choose to take on more i.e. extra curriculars for more cash. It will also give him winter breaks, spring breaks and summers off. All that in addition to vacation time that a teaching contract provides.

He is already taking education classes that go along with a teaching certificate so my suggestion would be to add a major or minor in another subject that he can teach: English, US History, Science, etc. This will not deviate from his current plan too much and I am sure that his parents will be on board if he explains to them that by adding this major or minor he will be more marketable to schools because he will have more endorsements.

As an example: my undergraduate major was Theatre and my minor was Dance. I am going back to school to get my Masters in Education (because I desperately miss being creative) and I am taking English classes that will allow me more endorsements. When I get certified I will have a secondary teaching certificate in English, Theatre, Dance, and Middle School (I get this by taking one additional class while in grad school). By doing this I make myself more attractive to schools because they will get several different teachers when they hire me.

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

I majored in Art History and had a bunch of museum internships while in school. I even got a job at a major NY museum after graduation... and I hated it. So, while I loved my major, I didn't anticipate hating a job that was related to it... Who knows -- maybe he'd love the actual work, but hates the school/studying part of it. In my experience, jobs (generally) are very different from the course of study that preceed them. For example, every lawyer I know has said that working in law is nothing like law school. Maybe he should just finish the course work (your idea of a more flexible minor is a good one), and then try to get a job. He doesn't have to go into teaching right away. He could look around for something different.

All that said, I now work in finance and I like it a lot. The fact that the pay is at lest 2x what I'd make for a similar position in non-profit doesn't hurt...
HTH

cc · Marc Jacobs

I think Farrah and Starstuff gave great advice.

I'm a firm believer in majoring in what you love, regardless of whether it is seen as practical or not. There are tons of jobs where it really doesn't matter what your undergraduate major was. Also while one's major plays a big role in the job hunting process right after college as you get older that is going to matter less and less, especially since these days so many people are pursuing specialized graduate degrees. I work in a law firm library with people who have undergraduate majors that include painting, theater and French. And you know what, they graduated from college 20 years ago and no one gives a hoot what they studied in college. I don't do anything with my undergrad major (art history) at work but I use the research skills I developed in college every single day and art history is a major part of my life outside work (read about it constantly, go to museums and travel to see art that I love). Also, just because I'm in this field now doesn't mean I'm stuck here for the rest of my working life. If I get sick of it or decide to go back to something I'm more passionate about I can always pursue that. A lot of my friends took jobs right out of college just to make a decent salary or to figure out what they really wanted to do and are now going to grad school or changing careers 5+ years out of college.

So I guess what I'm saying is that your boyfriend shouldn't feel under a ton of pressure about this. I know it's hard to swallow that when tuition is so expensive but I just think you should both step back and realize that whatever he majors in isn't going to dictate what he does for the rest of his life and whatever job he gets right out of college isn't a permanent vocation.

-- Edited by cc at 10:15, 2007-01-25

Suasoria · Chanel

Starstuff wrote:
Who knows -- maybe he'd love the actual work, but hates the school/studying part of it.

That's an especially good point! Especially someone who is burned out on school, having done it for so long.

Ttara, all your instincts and feelings sound 100% right-on to me. With my own husband, who went through a lot of (un)employment garbage, it took a toll on the relationship when he wasn't happy professionally or otherwise. My husband finally understood that I couldn't be happy unless/until he was happy. Maybe your BF would respond and relate to that as well, since he truly cares about you and your happiness.

Men do have this complex about being the breadwinner, even mine, though I've outearned him for years now. (He's adjusting to it...)